Why? Why in the blue hell am I watching a sequel to a film I found absolutely foolish? I guess I’m a glutton….for punishment and pizza. There’s no pizza here, so let’s double up, uh uh, on the punishment.
Here’s how I feel I should grade this, allow each letter to have a maximum of 0.4 points and then add that shit up. Granted, that means this could earn a maximum of 10.4, but if you think there’s a chance in hell of that happening, well, you haven’t been paying attention. Let’s do this thang, and this will be long and girthy.
A – 2 pairs of tits already, lesbian like dancing. OK, I can get behind that. A is for amateur. I liked it quite a bit. 4 points.
B – Some British dickhead is hosting some news or documentary thing.
B – Badger 4 points
C – Some guy is on trial and basically tricked/forced to confess to killing a girl. Problem is, there”s a mob pissed at the guy, and then it was found out that she was still alive via the news. The mob is unaware. C-Capital Punishment 4 points
D – This one has some unique animation. I don’t know what I’m seeing. There was a guy strapped down, injected with something, then a big bug formed. Yeah, this is very odd. D – Deloused 1 Point
E – Some homely dudes on a beach, they may be stranded n a deserted island. Some hot chick washes ashore and then collapses. She seems to dig one of the 2 dudes. E – Equilibrium 4 points
F – Some girl is hanging from a parachute hanging from a tree. A dude comes by on his donkey. He whips out his rifle. She is Isreali, he is Arabic. F – falling 2 points
G – A granddad and grandson are talking about Cognac. I don’t know what that was. G – Grandad 1 point
H – This is another animation. 2 Faces were making out and then they started a war with each other, I guess. H – Head Games NOPE, 1 Point
I – Some old lady is tied up and these 4 younger people are surrounding her. She says something about Inheritance. She’s 120 and they burn her. I – Invincible 3 Points
J – Some dude is photographing 2 dudes outside making out. Fucking hell, nobody wants to see that shit, I’m sorry. One guy gets tied up and slapped around and has holes in his hands. J – Jesus, that one was really good actually. 4 points
K – Chick painting her toenails. She sees some people in teh building cross from her killing each other. In lots of different rooms. K – Knell 1 didn’t get it, but liked the presentation. 2 points
L – I think we’re in Africa and there is unrest in the kingdom of sorts. There is some monster, the effects are abysmal. Like I just laughed out loud, or LOL’s as per the parlance of our time. L – Legacy, didn’t like it at all. 1 point.
M – some dude in yellowed underwear is running around on the sidewalk in a city setting. He is causing mayhem. He just bit a junk out of a dude’s neck. M – Masticate, I loved it 4 points.
N – Some topless chick, some nude dude. It appears it is Halloween, people are in costumes. We have seen Frankenstein and bride of Frankenstein. N – Nexus I liked it quite a bit, 3 points.
O – Starts right off with zaniness in an Japanese court. She is under trial for killing zombies despite a zombie medicinal cue I guess. O – Ochlocrary I liked it a lot 4 points
P – 3 old time jailbirds in black and white stripes who stutter too much. I hate this so far. This is getting a 1, I guarantee you. P – P-P-P-P-P-Scary fucking awful 1 point. You know what? Fuck that, 0 points.
Q – This lady is giving this a free intelligence test. While he is getting all questions right, we are seeing a brain transplant with him and a gorilla. Q – Questionnaire was worth 3 for me
R – Black and white, people playing Russian Roulette. 4 tries, no bullet. Down to 50/50 chance. I won’t spoil it. R – Roulette I really liked it, but I am a Deer Hunter fan 4 Points
S – Some hot chick in bed is talking to some dude on the phone. I would enjoy seeing how bright her personality is. Damn. Her house in London is being broken in while he is in France listening on the phone. This one is intense.S- Split I really liked it, 4 points no doubt.
T – Some model shoot. This dude is a perv, so I dig him. She has some awesome contacts. I love them. He’s asking her to take her clothes off, as he grabs and slaps her tits. Wait, things are not as they seem at all. T – Torture Porn, and nope, didn’t like it. 1 point.
U – A bunch of people dressed nice are in this building. This one dude keeps getting weird looks. U – Utopia, and I fucking LOVED it 4 points.
V – Some dude is talking to his chick via like Skype. We have a boob. This dude has an obnoxious dude with him who stole his phone and showing her all the bad things they have been doing. More boobs. Full frontal on one. V – Vacation I loved it, 4 points
W – this is a weird toy commercial. Weird and violent. W – Wish I liked it a lot. 3 points
X – Some girl is playing a xylophone while the mom is sitting there looking stressed/pissed. Wow, that got crazy real fucking fast. X – Xylophone I dig it, 4 points
Y – 3 Japanese, 2 girls, one dude. What in the fuck am I seeing? Y – Youth, that was crazy, but pretty damn awesome, 4 points.
Z – It’s winter, and this lady is pregnant. A mid wife is half a day out. She don’t want him leaving. We fast forward 13 years. Z – Zygote…..I will go with a 2.
Now to do some not so quick addition. I think that brings us to a 7.3, and looking back, I’d have guessed between 6.5 to 7.0 range. I wasn’t too far off using this system. And 4 breasts, that also helps.
In conclusion, of course, I recommend this to anybody with an open mind. You are simply going to hate some, like some, and love some. There’s no one person who likes horror that is going to hate every single one, nor love every single one. 7.3 is a tad too high in my opinion, but I’m sticking to my guns and following the system.
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Arts+Labor (segment “P”)
- Drafthouse Films
- Magnet Releasing
- Maniac Fiction Films (segment: “S is for Split”)
- Metaluna Productions (segment x is for xylophone)
- Okta
- Producciones de la 5ta Avenida (segment)
- Rook Films (segments B and G)
- Shaiker (segment: “O is for Ochlocracy”)
- Soychiume Co. (segment: “Y is for Youth”)
- Tea Shop & Film Company (segment: “S is for Split”)
- Timpson Films
Please go find a copy and support the creators.