Well, this movie has a 4.7 rating. Way to start the day off. I see Johnny Lewis is in this. He played Half-Sack in Sons of Anarchy at least and wasn’t a great human being. Oh well. I’m tired, let’s do this.
We start off where we left off with our dead predator on the table, and we see the chest-burster. In the Predator ship, they have lots of aliens in tubes. An alien strikes a Predator, and now it’s time to fight and their ship is going down, I assume to Earth. A father and son are hunting deer and see the crash and find where it went down. The dad knocks on the ship with his gun. The parasites are trying to escape. Predator was trying to set the explosive, but the Aliens got to him. The parasites are out. The dad shoots an alien, gets acid, and his arm falls off. Then they get a facehugger. The boy checks on his dad, and he gets his face hugged too.
We are now on Predator planet, and this guy on a throne sees what happened on the ship, and he looks pissed and gets some weapons, and he takes off.
Back on Earth and we meet Dallas getting off of a bus, and Eddie who is a Sheriff. Dallas is a guy who has been in trouble in the past, but Eddie will try to get him a job and Dallas talks about his brother and then we see Ricky who works as a pizza delivery guy. We see this older bum perhaps, and a cop goes to get him out of this wherever, so bum says he wants his dog to come with, and his dog brings the severed arm. Ricky delivers pizza to Jesse’s house and she has a white guy, black guy, and black girl at her place. OK, we are stacked with tokens. Dale is the white guy and beats up and kicks Ricky. OK, so there were 3 guys and 3 girls. So Dale is THAT guy that nobody knows in real life, but they don’t want to develop character, so they make him an over the top asshole. Oh, and he threw Ricky’s keys down a drainage gate.
Eddie comes to inspect the area of the severed arm. We have the little boy next to the parasite. Dad is also waking up and neither feel good. OK, dad just had a chest-burster, as did the boy. Sigh. We see some military chick return home to her daughter and man. She is from the Army. The daughter is disappointed that her mom gave her some sweet night vision goggles.
Dallas and Ricky meet at Ricky’s place. Dallas is pissed that his bro got beat up, so he wants the bat. Parasites are going down the storm drainage. We are with 2 bums in the storm drainage with 2 bums, and they get face hugged and some female bum stops by and gets killed by a full-grown alien. The Predator’s ship has landed. The Predator looks somehow even taller. Predator found the missing ship and analyzes the damage. He inserted the liquid from one of the parasite tube’s into his wrist dealy. The explosion is counting down, he escapes, and this is a quarter over.
Daughter is playing with the night vision goggles and doesn’t want mommy to read, she wants her dad. Dallas and Ricky lift the grate, I guess it is supposed to be the sewer. Time to find the keys. This movie is incredibly dark, like so much is shot in extremely low light places. SO the bros are in the sewer, and Ricky is spooked and I think that was a chest-burster, and Dallas finds the shed skin.
There is a search party at night for the original father and son, and it’s night and Predator is out there. Darcy is the wife/mom of the dad(Buddy) and son. Eddie implored her to go home and get some rest. Pred is pouring blue shit and disintegrating bodies. The last sheriff out looking has disturbed the Pred, so Pred takes him out. Buddy is the name of the cop. Dallas and Eddie are in a diner. The waitress’ boyfriend is Ray, and he’s the one who startled the Predator. They find him skinned and upside down as is the Pred’s MO. Jesse sees Ricky and wants him to go swimming tonight, and she broke up with Dale supposedly, so yeah, she is horny.
Pred is down in the sewer. He is scanning the area. He found some of the next. Pred pours more blue shit. Pred sets some device on the wall. We see an alien is nearby and stalking Pred. OK, aliens surround him. The device set up a grid that will cut you when flung. Pred takes out 4, then gets hit by a hoss. The hoss jumps out of the sewer and the Pred follows. The waitress goes to leave work and the cook, Ritchie, just got got. The Alien smelled her and she has to be pregnant.
Dallas offers to go with Eddie to help out, as he gets another call for the sewer explosion. A construction worker just got killed. Pred is on the hunt.
Ricky meets Jesse for the swim. She shows off her ass in her bikini. She is all flirty and they make out. And somebody shows up, and of course, it is Dale and his 3 guys. They all end up in the pool fighting. Sigh. Why wasn’t she nude? Predator just got knocked down a bit by an alien. He is missing a lot of his shots. And this is supposed to be a hoss Predator.
At the pool, we have a swimming alien. Everybody except the black guy cause black guys can’t swim, duh. The other friend also gets got by aliens. So we now have Ricky, Hookerbot, and Dale. They can all die. The little girl says that she saw something outside. The parents try to reassure her that it was a bad dream. Well, daddy gets mauled, and the girls make it out. Predator gets a kill on one of the pool aliens. He pours the blue stuff in the pool and it gets all steamy in there.
We are past the halfway mark. Ricky and gang meet up with Dallas and Eddie and yeah, they talked. Dallas and Eddie go to check out the pool. The fucks I give are flying out the window. Aside from Eddie and Army lady, I don’t really like any characters. Eddie calls for backup. All 5 are now together. Darcy goes to check on Carrie the waitress, She looks to be dead.
Pred is bleeding out his green goo, so he takes some time to inject himself with something. Eddie’s crew bring Darcy in with them. Dallas says that they need weapons. Dallas just told Dale that he was too stupid to talk. Wow, finally, a decent line. Now they are at the gun store and getting weapons. The National Guard is there, and sirens are going off. One guardsman is taken. Then another gets killed. It’s the big black aliens. They are just picking these guys off one at a time. This is a far cry from Aliens’ space marines. SO the whole squad may have just gotten taken out. We have 2 stoners hiding in the gun shop too. Of course, mom and daughter make their way to the gun shop.
At the hospital, it is chaos. All the babies are crying, and an Alien is in there. That fucker has a ton of tentacles. This lady’s water just broke, and the nurse gets got. The alien is in there with pregnant lady, and he is forcing something down her throat……sexually. Two-third point.
Dallas just got taken by the Predator and hung upside down. There is an alien in there as well. Predator takes out the alien. Predator kills the stoners. Alien takes down Dale, Predator shoots Alien, and the acid blood kills Dale. More aliens show up and Predator is doing the best he ever did, now gooooo away. A little Godsmack”Whatever” for you.
The pregnant ladies are all cocooned and one bursts with 4 babies. Oh, and the male doctor just got killed. Eddie’s group found the national guard unit. Eddie calls the Army and tells him about the infestation. The Colonel says there will be an airlift in 30 minutes. Everybody gets into a tank, and there is some really shitty dialogue. This movie can end anytime now.
Predator is scoping out the area, and there are a bunch more aliens. Army girl says that the Col was trying to contain the situation, and sent them to the middle of town to take them out. So they go to the hospital for the helicopter. Eddie wants to go to the airlift, Dallas wants to go to the hospital. So Eddie’s group is gonna die. So we have army lady, Dallas, Ricky, Jesse, and some dude who jumped ship from the other group. Oh and the little girl. Kelly is army lady. The group needs to protect her as she’s the only one who can fly. We may have had really poorly lit boobs, not counting it. Pred shows up at the hospital and he just kicked the door and everything around it into pieces with one kick.
Everybody in the maternity ward is dead it appears. Alien took out sacrificial lamb new guy. So this hoss alien is like a half breed, the one that burst from the Pred. Pred may have taken out hoss, and his bladerang killed Jesse. Ricky unloads on the Pred, and Pred gets taken down a shaft by an alien. Ricky up the Pred shoulder mount. Ricky gets attacked by Hoss Alien. He is still alive.
At Eddie’s locale, they have a ton of people and are getting surrounded. Kelly’s group makes it’s way towards the choppa. Dallas is wielding Pred’s gun. They are taking out aliens. Eddie is trying to find out where the airlift is. Dallas tells Ricky to get to the chopper. Thanks for that. Dallas is staying back to fight them off. We have Kelly, daughter, and Ricky in the choppa. Pred is back, with a sweet whip. Ok, it’s him vs the hoss. Ricky doesn’t want to leave with Dallas but they are getting attacked. Dallas makes his way to the chopper. OK, back to the hoss battle. It’s a decent back and forth, but Hoss is not selling any Predator attacks. The helmet has come off, and we know the Predator is super serious now. John Doe has the upper hand. Pred used his claw, Hoss used his tail, and it’s a stalemate.
The plane drops the bomb exploding the city, duh. The explosion causes the helicopter to crash. They are out in the woods and hear things. It is the military. The military takes the Pred gun from Dallas. Seriously, the night vision was used all of one time when daughter first spotted the alien outside her room. I thought that would be a huge selling point.
Colonel and other personnel meet with Ms. Yutani, and he has the Pred gun, and “This isn’t meant for our world is it?” Oh for fuck’s sake. By the way, The Company is a merger of Weyland and Yutani. The company always talked about in the Alien franchise. There you go.
End film.
That was not a very good movie. Sorry, it just didn’t work for me. The setting just didn’t do this film any favors. What made Alien, Aliens, Predator, and AVP work on a horror level? The setting, the feeling of claustrophobia. This was too wide open, too many characters, and you didn’t care about a single one if you think about it. Who did you really care about? The Predator, that is it. If that is gonna be your main protagonist, then why not do the film on the Predator ship? Do you mean to tell me that you would miss human characters when you could just have a green blood bath? Who cares about dialogue? At the end, you could have had the aliens overrun the ship, and the elder Predator sacrifice with the explosive, while 4 Predators escape, with an alien on board. The alien could cause them to crash to Earth. They get out and have it out with the badass Predalien and one Predator dies and the others kill the alien in some badass combo. The predators miss the dropped artifact of whatever, so you can still have humans discover it and start The Company. There, I just made an extremely fun, mindless film. Instead….we have this.
Final rating: 3.3
- Twentieth Century Fox (presents) (as Twentieth Century Fox)
- Davis Entertainment (as John Davis)
- Brandywine Productions (as Brandywine)
- Dune Entertainment (made in association with) (as Dune Entertainment LLC)
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