This wasn’t a very well-received film. I thought the trailer was interesting. Blumhouse films are hit and miss. I know that Lucy Hale (Truth or Dare), Maggie Q, and Michael Pena are in this. Those names may pop for some of you. I’m more psyched that Michael Rooker and Kim Coates (Tig from Sons Of Anarchy) are in this. Jeff Wadlow is the director and so far, he has unimpressed me with Truth or Dare and Cry Wolf. But what the hell? I just baked 2 French Bread pizzas and this is short.
Start Film
A seemingly attractive blonde girl is being chased and hunted. Her name is Sloane Madison. She is captured by some masked men and taken away.
Mr. Roark is a man in charge, played by Michael Pena. Ohhhh, Rooker looks incredible. Wild hair, crazed look, love it! They are really establishing the main characters early on. Maggie Q looks beautiful as her character Gwen Olsen. Patrick seems like the final guy. Gwen or Melanie Cole (Lucy Hale) look like final girl candidates. Probably Melanie. Melanie is the skank and already hitting on Patrick. JD and Brax are probably the comedic aspect of this, a white dude and Asian guy who are brothers and love to high five.
Mr. Roarke shows up and explains that there are only 2 rules on the island. Each guest only gets one fantasy and you must play out the fantasy to its natural conclusion. JD and Brax’s fantasy was to have it all, so there is a crazy party taking place with a bunch of hot coeds, including Brax getting a bunch of ripped gay dudes. Okay. So far we have seen some creepy burned guy appear and reappear twice.
I like the creepy blond dude. Gwen’s fantasy is to do over life and find happiness. She said no when proposed by the man that she loved, Allen. Through the doors, there is the restaurant where Allen proposed. Gwen is struggling with the idea because Allen feels like this is very normal.
Patrick wanted to enlist and his mom didn’t like that, so he became a cop. Melanie’s fantasy is about her bully from 8th grade. Her bully was Sloane from the opening scene. There is a lot of noticeable dripping liquid in this film.
Melanie is taking an elevator to an unmarked floor. She enters a room where Sloane is in a room and tied up. Enough with the Tupac hologram stuff, please. She thinks Sloane is a hologram. Each button does something different to torture Sloane. She shocks her then dumps toilet water on her head. Then there’s a video of Sloane with a guy who isn’t her husband. It then uploads the video to Sloane’s Facebook and then gets to see Sloane’s husband’s reaction. She sees that Sloane was actually kidnapped. Uh huh. Sloane looks pissed.
Patrick rides out to the jungle and gets a backpack with gear. Gets his uniform and is about to experience some shit. Rooker sneaks up on him with a machete and warns Patrick that people get killed here. Patrick is captured by 3 soldiers.
JD hooked up with Chastity…..JD cried all night. Brax hooked up with Alejandro. Chastity is beautiful. Allen proposes to Gwen, she says yes. JD and Brax are like the Night at the Roxbury dudes. They find a panic room. They find an arsenal and get a bit ridiculous. Patrick seems to recognize the LT. The Lt’s name is on dog tags that Patrick is wearing. And now they are being shot at and Patrick got shot in the left arm.
Melanie gets a phone call and a surgeon enters Sloane’s room. Nice. Hey, it’s Dr. Torture. He is cutting Sloane’s arm. Melanie asks to have Sloane’s ring finger cut off and when Dr. Torture goes to do it, she zaps him and dumps water on him. Melanie breaks into the room and now they are trying to escape together.
The party is getting shot up and head to the panic room with some floozies. Kalashov’s men are there to take back the house. The guests close off the panic room so the brothers are locked out.
Sloane is still kinda being an insulting bitch in her own way. Dr. Torture catches up to them. Rooker with the save and kill on Dr. Torture. Torture’s eyes have black liquid squirt out of them. Interesting.
Gwen wakes up with the creepy guy’s arm around her momentarily. But she’s really in bed with Allen. I’m already mentally checking out. Patrick just woke up to see the creepy dude. So, Patrick’s fantasy takes place in the ’90s? The LT is Patrick’s dad. LT died on a mission in Venezuela, which is where they will be tomorrow.
I am not interested in Gwen’s story at all. Gwen and Allen are now married for 5 years and have a daughter, Lila. Roarke’s wife died while he was trying to discover the island, so he wished for her to return and she exists as long as he continues to help people with fantasies. Daddy wants to live and Patrick wants him to die a hero, I guess. It’s fucking perplexing.
Kim Coates is the leader f Kalashov’s men. His accent is fantastic. I am not used to him sounding like this. They want to know where the cash and drugs are. Kim’s character’s name is Devil Face, due to his mask. Gwen is still sad and feels like she doesn’t deserve it. Ugh.
Rooker’s character’s name is Damon. They find some scary-looking cave. They are being followed, perhaps. And Sloane has lost the group. Okay, someone walking behind Sloane, looks to be female and is Sloane’s doppelganger. Melanie sees the creepy guy. I really wish I had a name other than the creepy guy, like Earl. I may call him Earl. They’re in a room with some giant crystal where you can see your deepest desire, and Sloane’s is to get back with her husband. Damon is a PI and his employer hired him to see about this power. He arrived 3 weeks ago. This crystal or rock thing is the source of the island’s power and why there is so much black dripping water. Maybe Earl is actually Roarke. He wants the girls to call a pilot, take a canteen of water, and get off the island. Melanie is still denying that she’s a guest in front of Sloane. Sloane saw Melanie’s fantasy in the rock. Girl drama.
Gwen talks to Julia, She wants a new fantasy. A person died from a fire that was Gwen’s fault. Gwen is such a pain in the ass. She’s willing to give up her husband and girl out of this guilt. Roarke agrees in order to keep his wife alive. Still 40 minutes of this. Now Julia goes through the doors to an apartment building. And the apartment is on fire. JD and Brax are there. Gwen is trying to save Nick. She finds an officer, Patrick, and he is a coward and insists on waiting for the fire department. Gwen didn’t think to cover her mouth at all, had no game plan on how to rescue Nick, and is passing out.
Brax has fucked with Devil Face. Damon suggests that both girls apologize and forgive. Damon is attacked by Dr. Torture. Damon is stabbed. Damon spears Dr. Torture off of a cliff. Well, that was foolish.
The military guys show up to where the party was. Brax as a grenade. Patrick is to stay back and make sure that they aren’t ambushed. Patrick sees Brax with the guys. Okay, so fantasies are colliding. The military group has joined up with JD, Brax, and models. And dead people are rising up. JD just got shot by a zombie shooter. All the bad guys are rising up. Bodies are falling. Daddy gets shot. Daddy is downed by zombie shooters. Brax and Patrick are now on the run. Probably will run into Melanie and Sloane eventually.
The girls go back to the torture room so they can call Sloane’s husband, Will. She apologizes to Will and admits to hurting people that don’t deserve it. She has Will call for the plane. Julia saves Gwen from the fire.
The elevator is coming down to Melanie and Sloane. It’s Patrick and Brax. The 4 all try to leave and Roarke stops them from leaving. And here comes Gwen. They are all there as a fantasy of Nik Taylor, the guy who Gwen couldn’t save. So this is Nick’s revenge fantasy because Melanie was supposed to go out with Nick and got cold feet, JD and Brax chose not to help, same with Gwen, and Patrick was a pussy. Alright. Good.
Brax and the girls try to get to the plane while Patrick takes on the Men In White. Roarke stops the pursuit and says “She wants them all together.” Who is She? And the plane was shot down by Devil Face. Melanie thinks that Julia is Nick’s mom. Now the idea is to destroy the rock and spring to destroy the island’s power. They’re one cave and 3 seconds in, Brax gets distracted and walks off course and Gwen doesn’t even realize it, even though he was right in front of her? Now Gwen takes off down a different path. How about you guys don’t separate…..too late. And there’s Dr. Torture. Everyone has split apart from the group.
I am officially only cheering on Brax. The supposed sea snakes turn into arms and drag Patrick under the water. Sloane is now in the same room as her Doppelganger. Brax finds JD who is losing a lot of blood. JD is a dick and his eyes squirt out. Devil Face shoots JD and Brax runs. Doppelganger is mean, the real version of Sloane. Dr. Torture attacks Sloane. Daddy rises from the water to confront Patrick. Lila killed her Daddy because Gwen doesn’t deserve any of this nice stuff. Lila’s friends said that she doesn’t deserve any of this, and it’s creepy guy, AKA, Nick. At least I was right on it being a 4 letter name.
Father vs Son fight. That’s fun. brings back memories. Gwen says that Julia can have her if she spares the others. Nick doesn’t know who Julia is. What a tweest! Melanie stabs Patrick repeatedly. Well, this is all Melanie’s overarching fantasy. What a TWEEST!!!! The night that he died was supposed to be their first date. Sloane talks shit to distract Melanie, Brax and Gwen steal her knife and grenade. Is this Inception? Sloane vs Sloane, but Devil Face kills evil Sloane. Is Devil face even a bad guy? He keeps shooting everyone. He is the MVP.
Roarke appears, and the biggest twist is that Julie is Roarke’s wife. Yeah, no shit. Christ, I thought that was abundantly clear. Roarke won’t let Julia go. Seriously, who didn’t pick up on the idea that she was his wife? There weren’t any other females, they appear to be of similar age and nationality, and she kept bleeding. She convinces Roarke to let her go. WHAT A MOTHER FUCKING TWEEST!!!
Sloane drinks the water so she can have her fantasy. Her fantasy is that Nick and Melanie get to be together forever, so then Nick rises up and grabs Melanie. All zombies dissipate. He keeps dragging her underwater. The grenade is tossed. Patrick yells “get back” and dives on the grenade to save everybody. Gwen, Brax, Sloane, and Roarke reconvene in the morning and Roarke says that Patrick made his father proud. Roarke is going to stay and keep running Fantasy Island without regret.
Roarke tells Brax that he technically was living JD’s fantasy. So Brax wants JD back, to live with him, but that would require Brax to stay there, forever. Brax chooses not to get on but JD is on the plane instead. Is that a happy ending? Brax will stay and work for Roarke. Brax reveals what his stupid tattoo is. It says “Tattoo”. And that is what Roarke calls him, which is a shout-out to the original show.
End Film
I get why the reviews were so mixed. This was all over the place in many ways. And even when it came together, then it was twist after twist. The Melanie fantasy twist was the worst aspect, no doubt. I still don’t enjoy her as an actress.
When this was good, it wasn’t bad, like a 6 range. When it was bad, it was a 3 range. I thought Portia Doubleday as Sloane and Jimmy O. Yang as Brax really stood out in this. I don’t think I will watch this again. But I might for Rooker and Tig. They both had solid roles.
Final Rating: – 4.5 – I just averaged 3 and 6 because it jumped around so much and I may be generous with this rating.
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Columbia Pictures (presents)
- Blumhouse Productions (presents) (as Blumhouse also)
- Tower of Babble Entertainment (as Tower of Babble)
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