Scariest movie ever? Mayhaps.
Lots of bees while Tony Todd talks all scary. Now we get a scary story being retold. This bitch is with Billy, her not boyfriend. Her shirt is already off. She tells him about saying Candyman 5 times, so he says it 4 times while groping her titties. She tells him to go downstairs for a surprise. She says his name one last time. and she got got. Why did the blood pour down the ceiling?
At the University of Illinois, there is a class about urban legends. Man, the 90’s sweaters….wow. Trevor is the teacher, Helene is his wife, and Stacy is his student that he is probably banging. Helen’s friend is Bernadette. Helen talks to a black cleaning lady/janitor. She has a friend at Cabrini Green, and Henrietta and Kitty talk about it, but Henrietta gets weird. They do tell her about Ruthie Jean getting killed. Cabrini Green is like the hood.
Helen and Bernadette say Candyman, but only Helen says it the 5th time. Trevor scares her at night. Helen and Bern are gonna go to Cabrini Green. Smart. There are some young black dudes scoping out these conservative bitches. Haha, these guys are great. “Look like five-o to me!” I love this for the silliness. So these girls go up to Ruthie’s vacant apartment. I love the visuals of this. That is the coolest part in my opinion.
They meet up with Anne Marie, played by Vanessa Williams, and she is great in this. She is cool with talking with them. There is an obnoxious dinner conversation. Helen comes back to speak with Anne Marie, instead, she talks to the coolest kid, Jake. She ends up in the men’s bathroom, with some unspeakable foulness, oh, and a black guy and his cronies come in and knock her the fuck out. She wakes up with quite the shiner. The police have a lineup and we get to hear numerous guys say “We hear you’re looking for Candyman, butch”. Yeah, my favorite scene of the film.
She gets home, Trevor is all happy that she’s safe. She wants to check out some of her film for the pics while in a parking garage. Well, Candyman shows up and talks to her. She wakes up in a bathroom covered in blood. She is in Anne Marie’s place, the dog has been beheaded, and the baby is missing. She and Anne have it out and the cops get there. They say something like “This is the cops, open up” and half a second later, they break-in. They gave them zero time to open up. Just saying. Anyway, Helen gets arrested. She gets strip-searched, and we get some bloody side-boob. She gets questioned but remembers nothing. She calls Trevor, and he doesn’t answer.
He gets her the next morning, and she is like, what the fuck were you doing? She takes a bath and we see full tits, so there is our one pair of breasts. She ends up seeing Candyman, and when she comes to, Bernadette is dead. She ends up in a psych ward. She is still bloody. Candyman visits her. She has to see a doctor, who ends up getting got via Candyman. Helen escapes out the window, breaks into another window, steals a nurse’s outfit and makes her escape. Basically, Candyman says that he will give up Anne Marie’s baby, but he wants Helen in exchange and he shows her where he is. It should be noted that Helen had been in the psych ward for a month and didn’t even know it.
She makes her way back to her apartment, and the walls have been painted, this ugly pink color, and I like pink. She sees Stacey in there, and yeah, her suspicions were apt. Stacey has moved in. Well, Helen is on her way to find Candyman. She does find him, and he breathes bees into her. Nice. Well, she eventually finds the baby and on a wall, it reads “It was always You Helen”. She ends up in the middle of the bonfire pile at Cabrini Green and gets the baby, but the residents have lit it on fire. Now it’s a race against time to get her and the baby out. She crawls out while on fire to give Anne Marie the baby. Helen dies.
At the funeral service, there’s Trevor, Stacey, the lawyer, and the guy with the great hair. Then when it’s over, all of a sudden, all of Cabrini Green march there to pay their respects. Now, this may be construed as racist, so please take this in stride. I could just hear in my head the guy with the great hair saying: “Trevor, here comes some darkies I do believe.” in his accent. Sorry, he just strikes me as that guy, right? Trevor could have said, “Nope, not okay.” I liked the Cabrini Green people coming to pay respect.
At home, Trevor is in the bathroom grieving over Helen’s death, and Stacey is making dinner, and she is such a cunty bitch. Trevor says Helen’s name a few times, and this summons Helen, and she kills him. Stacy comes in with the big kitchen knife and screams.
End Film
One of my most favorite, treasured films. This is the ONLY good horror movie from 1992. It’s true, look it up. 1992 was a shit year for horror. Tony Todd is amazing and Virginia Madsen is very good in a Sharon Stone way. I also loved Jake and Bernadette. A great story about urban legends, how dumb white people should know better, and how if you aren’t a dick to black people, they won’t be dicks to you. Can we use this film to ease race relations in America? This is among the scariest movies ever in my opinion. Go to the bathroom after watching this, wash your hands while staring in the mirror. It’s a fun thing to do.
Final rating: 7.5
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