I saw this on some list or it may have been recommended to me. Does it really matter? Nope.
This is about 2 families spending time together for Christmas. Note, I didn’t say the holidays. 2 of the parents are related, don’t know who, don’t care. I don’t know how old Casey is supposed to be here, but the director made sure we checked out her rack. Judging by my calculations, she would have been legal, so not feeling bad anymore. Paulie is one of the kids, he got car sick and just slapped one of the adults. I have an early favorite. I think the blonde mom is Elaine, making the other mom Chloe. Jonah may be with Elaine, and Robbie with Chloe. I hope I am right. SO, kids, there is Paulie (blonde curly boy), Leah (blonde girl), Nicky(dirty blonde boy), and Miranda (brunette girl). Jonah annoys me, but Elaine’s panties are nice. Decent trade-off. I have no idea what has really happened so far.
At night, Paulie is awake and staring at something…..and then it’s morning. Great, give us dick to work with, THEN finally give us something, and have it last 5 seconds. I think Chloe and Elaine are sisters. Yup, I was right. Paulie is creepy, just playing some xylophone. Casey is still my favorite because of her rack, but Paulie just needs to kill somebody. HAHAHA. So the moms are bringing out hot cocoa while everybody is snowball fighting and the men are talking. Paulie pushes a sled, crashes into Chloe, and that causes her to spill the cocoa all over Jonah. Jonah gets up and spanks the hell out of Paulie. New favorite! A parent not afraid to spank their kid.
Casey is wearing a ridiculously short skirt and trying a cig with Robbie, who sees her tattoo that she has kept secret. It’s a fetus on her belly. Chloe spoils a good time. All the kids are acting weird with weird bloody visions, and Chloe talks about how nice Casey’s tat is. Elaine is not impressed. Leah just stabbed Chloe in the eye. Good job Leah! I mean, it was a plastic fork, and not square in the eye, but it looked great. Chloe is bitching at Elaine for bringing the kids there when they are sick because Leah is so susceptible to illness. Casey, how are you not cold? Jonah is having a bad time controlling Leah. Outside, Robbie is about to sled downhill face first. Casey falls suddenly, Paulie is seeing weird shit, and Nicky parked his wagon at the end of the incline for Robbie. How nice. Leah puked during this as well. Robbie may have gone face-first…..yup, he did. Ouch. Robbie is bleeding out of his head, gushing, from like a garden rake. The kids are all screaming, Paulie just cut Jonah. Leah is in her room looking terrified. The kids have just taken off. This is fucking chaos. I think Robbie is dead.
Elaine and Casey are looking for the kids. Casey reveals that she wasn’t with Robbie helping because she was going to take off and get picked up by Lisa. The volume is so damn flippant, loud as fuck, then can barely hear the dialogue. It was terrible. Casey just saw Leah outside, so she is hunting her down. Leah is crying or coughing, possibly both. We see one of the kids in the background, I think Nicky. Leah then laughs, has a knife and Casey slips and falls in the yellow puke. Jonah sees Leah in the house next. She asks if he’s angry, and he says no. She asks about Robbie. Leah tells him that Casey was upsetting her. They are still waiting on somebody to come, cops, EMT’s, somebody.
Elaine goes outside, she notices something weird, like Robbie’s body has been dragged away via sled. She hears a laugh and asks if it’s Leah. It’s coming from a tent. So she approaches the tent……slowly, incredibly slowly. She starts to unzip the tent and gasps, then Paulie is crying from afar, on like a jungle gym. He keeps moving away from her as she climbs, and she slips and breaks he leg badly.. OUCH. Casey finds her face down outside. Casey brings her into the greenhouse and closes the doors. They hear something as Casey is trying to put a splint on Elaine. The windows are being broke, and Paulie is suddenly in there. Chloe and Jonah hear the screams. More glass, Paulie is calling for mom, and we see Yellow coat outside running, but we just saw Leah inside with Chloe and Jonah. Also, a gloved hand was grabbing at Casey and pushed something over in the greenhouse. I am soooo confused, a girl is in the tent, yellow coat, I think Chloe is calling her Leah. Casey is ready to stab Paulie with scissors. Is Leah the brunette???? She uncovers dead Robbie in the tent and Leah just ran off. The kids are attacking the tent. Casey saves Chloe, Chloe won’t let her in. Casey is manhandling Paulie. Paulie tried killing Elaine, Casey makes the save, so he attacks Casey, but Elaine pulls him backward and he is impaled on some jagged glass. What the fuck??? Deep breathe. Too much happens in too short of a time frame.
I’m glad Paulie died, he was a whiny dick. Casey is explaining what just happened, Elaine is in hysterics. Casey and Chloe get entangled, and Jonah tosses Casey off of her. Chloe is a cunt. She can die. Casey stays with Elaine, Jonah goes with Chloe. More low talking. I hear my keyboard louder than their dialogue half the time. Blond girl is in a trance, I think that is Leah, but I don’t know. Chloe and Jonah are looking for the kids, and they find the location where Casey had slipped. Chloe is blaming Casey for Robbie, Paulie, and Elaine. Chloe, shut up. Casey is barricading the place. Casey is looking for something and walks away for 10 seconds, and then blond girl shows up and hugs Elaine, who is her mom. Casey gives Elaine a knife and says not to let them in. She will call Lisa to pick them up. Now blondie is like hiding.
The brunette kid is Leah, so blonde is Miranda apparently. Leah finds Chloe, hugs her, asks where her brother is, and Nicky comes up behind and wraps his arms around her head. Casey stalks. Chloe is hugging her kids. Casey continues the hunt for Miranda. She finds her. Elaine is thinking about killing herself. Miranda is making noises and like motioning, controlling the other kids, and Nicky stabs Chloe in the eye. Awesome. She deserved it. Jonah is at the door and that startles Elaine. Jonah goes looking for Miranda, finds Casey strangling her, so he throws Casey, yet again.. Jonah just hit Casey in the head with a very solid toy, and now locks Casey in. Jonah is a fucking hoss, he is amusing. Jonah can’t find Miranda, she is with Elaine, just took off Elaine’s 2 splints and goes to daddy Jonah. Elaine, the fuck are you doing??? Jonah puts Miranda in the SUV and takes off. Casey is worried about her mom.
Leah and Nicky are proud of their work. Casey sees them outside staring up to her window. She tries breaking the door down. She hears her mom. The kids are no longer there. Casey warns her of the kids. Elaine locked a door and she is trying like hell to get upstairs. She shushes Casey. The kids are inside. Now Casey looks through the keyhole. Smart. The kids find Elaine, as she is at Casey’s door. They show her the hoop earring that they pulled from Chloe’s dumbass. Elaine has a fire poker at least. Leah asks where Robbie is. Miranda goes to comfort Elaine. Leah puts a wooden stick figure on Elaine’s belly and Nicky is about to carve her up, and Casey kicks through a panel of the door and promptly impales Nicky on a jaded piece. Leah is running scared. Elaine tells Casey not to get the kill on Leah. So they go to the car and drive off leaving Leah by herself. Why is Elaine driving?
They kinda insult Jonah, I think. You know that great audio of this film. Final 9 minutes and they drive up on Robbie’s vehicle, and it is stopped. The flashers are on. Elaine wants to go out, but Casey does instead. I say you just keep driving. Nobody is inside, but the windshield on the driver’s side is smashed, and the SUV clearly hit a tree and a body came flying out. So Casey sees blood on the snow. It is a very bloody pile of Robbie. Elaine sees Miranda running toward Casey with a crowbar, so Elaine just ran into and killed Miranda, we have to assume. Uh oh, Casey is no puking up the yellow shit. Elaine, drive away. Casey has a weird look on her face, she sees a boy in the woods, and now Elaine is seeing them. Holy balls, there’s a bunch of kids. Casey is asking to come in the car. Elaine opens the door. There’s Leah looking on, and I saw Paulie. Elaine drives away, and Casey is in a trance.
End film
This movie was decent, but it had a few fatal flaws that make me not want to watch it again. First off, the audio is bad. I HATE movies where there are screaming or loud environmental sounds, and then your ears adjust only for the character’s dialogue to sound like whispering. Whispering is different, but that is rarely the case. That is a common mistake of one too many films, and it is a real turn off. Secondly, this movie had a good pace in that it didn’t have a ton of downtime, but when things happened, they happened so fast, it was just crazy to keep up with as I was writing, and if it’s going faster than I can type, it’s too fast when it happens 3-4 times in a movie. Once, I can see that, but beyond that, just too much for the senses all at once. I was lost as to why Chloe was pissy at Casey. I also hated the stare at the end. Fucking, just finish the fucking job. The kids were creepy in the end, but what does it all mean? They could have made things a bit clearer in my estimation. A good, fun concept that could have used 5 more minutes to do a few more things, just to make things make more sense.
Final rating: 4.8 I don’t think I will re-watch this one. Too many audio issues for my tastes. (I rewatched this. It is a bit of a guilty pleasure. I guess it’s a 5.2.)
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Vertigo Films (presents)
- Aramid Entertainment Fund (in association with) (as Aramid Entertainment)
- Barnsnape Films (in association with)
- Screen West Midlands (in association with)
- BBC Films (in association with)
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