Just look at that name…Urban Harvest. It’s now 1995, and white suburbia was trying to get in on urban/black culture. Fresh Prince of Bel Air was really popular, Coolio was relevent. It was a weird time for everyone. Let’s see how bad things can get here.
This movie actually got a lower rating than part 2 on IMDB. We have an immediate case of uh oh.
We have Eli and Joshua Porter. Their dad wants to whoop Joshua’s ass in the cornfield. Eli summoned the worces, the corn suddenly have this innate ability to wrap themselves, grow at will, stretch you. put you up on a cross, and somehow stitch your eyes and mouth shut. This all just happened.
The boys re getting adopted by a white couple in Chicago. Believe it or not, on the ride, they see a bunch of black people, henceforth Urban Harvest. I am trying here folks. Eli is supposed to be the Issac character here. He is awful. Less than 10 minutes in….this is going to give my paranormal torturefest a run for it’s money. Alright, 2 black people playing basketball. Joshua wanders next door, he asks the black dude why he has his hat on backwards. Oh mid 90’s, when will you learn?
So Eli brought a suitcase full of bugs from the moms standpoint, but it was a Jedi mind trick, he actually has a suitcase full of corn. Seriously, not clothes, but corn. Oh and the boys sleep together. William and Amanda are the parental names by the by. You needed to know this. Eli has snuck out, already found a building with a hole in a fence, and is in there sacrificing corn to he who walks behind the rows. The corn went from yellow to black.
So they get sent to school, and they are to be in seprate classes. They are less than pleased. the classroom was straight out of Dangerous minds. the black boys are already being lewd and bullying these boys. A knife was involved, a threat to suck a dick, so many stereotypes just being fulfilled in this.
WAIT, business just picked up. So Joshua befriend a black dude and his sister, who used to be Eddie Winslow’s girlfriend on Family Matters. SO she tells her borther to let Joshua in the game. This was great. It was like how Edward Norton dominated the bothers in American History X. This movie….already.
Eli has a full field of corn growing in the place he found. Mom is pissed. She wants daddy to cut it down. A bum found it, he ate a piece, he got got. The dad checks out the corn, it’s tasty. He wants to make money off of it. Eli planted bugs in the cafeteria. Joshua is making friends, Eli is not. The principle is a Father. He just had a bug come up out of his mouth. This movie makes my head ache.
So the Father is preaching, Eli is bored and commenting, so Father says if you can do better, why don’t you come up and do so. So Eli comes up, delivers a great sermon about how adults are bad. Well Father gets pissed because he got upstaged, so he punishes Eli. Eli also killed his social worker. Just found out Joshua and Eli didn’t share the same father, Eli was adopted. William is trying to see the corn to a rich dude. Eli just asked Amanda for a motherly kiss goodbye before leaving, and he rammed his tongue in her ear. She’s pissed, trying to cut the corn down. Eli is doing some crayon drawings, reminiscent of the original. Amanda is getting attacked by the corn. Did you get all of that? So Amanda escapes the corn, enters the buildng, steps backwards on a pole, she rolls backwards and impales her head. Damn shame she is gone….not really, but I was hoping Eli would continue mind raping her.
Haha, we see a girl and they start from the legs and scroll up. When we get to the ass, it is clear as day that this is a black girl, that ass was something.
Eli has now recruited most of the students into following his rhetoric. They are out killing parents and wearing sweet burlap sack masks.
This movie is garbage, but it’s surprisingly funny. I’m liking this way more than part 2. When Josh and Malcolm, yes the black guy’s name is Malcolm, are in the original cornfield where Joshua’s dad got fucked up, well now he’s a human scarecrow. This whole sequence, actually the last 30 minutes, they’re kind of a treat with the right mindset.
I can’t begin to tell you how much this epic final scene is. The green screen, claymation, special effects, using honest to god barbie dolls in place of people. You can’t make this shit up.. This is good for all of the wrong reasons, but it’s the train wreck you can’t look away from, think Sharknado films.
Who can I recommend this to? People who like their horror with some bad special effects, like really fucking bad special effects. Id you like to laugh with some gore mixed in, and some racial stereotyping of the mid 90’s, this is absolutely for you. I’m giving this a 5.6.
The Quest for Breasts Total
51 Bare breasts
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
Please go find a copy and support the creators.