This is an extra Stephen King movie not intended but since I watched the sequel last month with a friend, why not watch the shitty original? Yes, it is shitty, but it’s so shitty that it is entertaining if that makes sense. Of course it makes sense, you are reading a blog about horror movies after all. I have no idea where to begin with this shit.
Let’s start off by saying this is an anthology movie with 5 distinct stories, and an all encompassing one that nobody gives 2 shits about. 1. Father’s Day – has a young Ed Harris, that’s cool. A cranky ass old bastard who bangs his cane and his fucking cake. When I get older, providing the lightning doesn’t kill me, c’mon lightning, then I want to be an old fucker banging my cane around demanding my cake to the kids I probably won’t ever have. Sigh. All in all, this story sucks ass, and I don’t recommend it, but it has some funny moments. Ok so watch at your own discretion. 2. The lonesome death of Jordy Verrill- a film starring Stephen King himself as a podunk farm boy who simply isn’t that smart, but dreams big. He finds a meteor, he hopes to sell it for a whopping $200. that’s right people. I have a lot crumbs on my shirt. Anyway, this one is silly, King is silly, seeing old ass Bob Backlund wresling on a black and white TV is silly, and overall, this is just silly shit, but entertaining for what it was. 3. Something to Tide You Over – Here’s my theory, they needed to keep people from walking out at this point, so they put their best in the 3 spot hoping to keep people around long enough. Sure enough, it works. Leslie Neilsen as the bad guy? Check. Ted Danson as the good guy? Check. Cruel way to die? Hell yes. If you only watch one art of this movie, this is the one to watch. 4. The Crate – A lot of people seem to love this one too, and I get it. Adrienne Barbeau is a bitch, and he husband fantasizes about killing her. One day a crate comes into his life with a weird monkey type monster. He lives the dream. Easy as it sounds, it works well. I feel it drags at points though. 5. They’re Creeping Up On You – Something to do with some scientist and cockroaches, and he gets infested and obsessed, and I kinda spaced out. Sorry. Probably better that Father’s Day though.
How does one rate this mess? I’ll tell you how. Each segment can be worth a maximum of 2 points, so you add that shit up nigga, and you have 0.5+1.0+2.0+1.5+0.5 and you get 5.5. That sounds fair for this. You’re welcome.
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