I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is very bad. This is a film that takes place in space. Yes, the dreaded space entry. Maybe it won’t be so bad since we have been dealing with aliens and space ships all along, right? Oh, but it’s part 4. Here are the positive aspects. It has Charlie and Ug returning. Brad Dourif and Angela Bassett are in this one. This was Angela’s theatrical follow-up to Boyz ‘N The Hood, and that movie was fantastic. And finally, it was released in 1992. It’s 3:33 in the fucking morning. What do I have to lose?
Start Film
Somewhere in Kansas (1992). Okay, you have my attention. This appears to just be the footage from the credits of part 3. The first 5 minutes is footage that you have already seen at the end of part 3. Perfect. Charlie puts the eggs in the pod and it shuts and he can’t escape as gas fills the chamber. Cheesy special effects are aplenty.
“Somewhere in Saturn Quadrant 2045” just appeared on my screen. That’s only 24 years away. I want to make a suggestion to aspiring filmmakers. If you are going to do some futuristic shit, make sure you date it far enough away so that when we aren’t all floating around in spaceships or whatever, you don’t embarrass yourself. I know that some people find it appealing. I don’t.
In the future, they still watch black and white westerns? Wow, Angela looks so young and pretty here. Good for her. Brad also looking good, but 2 years prior I saw him in Exorcist III so I knew what to expect. His character’s name is Al Bert. That’s right. Bassett’s name is just Fran. Rick is the head honcho of this ship and they are trying to capture this pod that has Charlie. Ethan is the young guy on board. Bernie is Rick’s lackey, I think. Ethan notices the old logo on the pod. They look up who was missing the pod. Counselor Tetra (Ug) contacts Rick. Rick is trying to negotiate for more and everybody is telling Rick to just take the deal. Ethan actually agrees with Rick. Bernie side with Fran and Al Bert. Tetra tells them not to interfere with the pod. Ethan is pissed off because this adds a week of extra traveling and he wants to see his dad.
They get to the destination. The computer named Angela talks to them. Would have been funnier if the name was Alexa. This place seems abandoned. This place has a shower, pharmacy, and fucked up nuclear reactor. And Fran is showering and damn, her silhouette is great, ass even better. Rick creeps during her shower and she punches him right in the nose. I mean…..dude, what the fuck did you think was gonna happen walking in on a woman showering. I’ve seen enough porn to know what happens. It’s the exact opposite of what happens in porn.
I love how angry Al Bert gets with Angela. Rick is shooting the shit out of the pod. Rick has opened the pod, so you can see where this is going. WHY? How are you going to maximize your profits? Why does HBO censor its closed captioning? It’s mother fucking HBO!! They sometimes do this with South Park too. Really obnoxious. Rick just knocked Ethan out. And he pulls Charlie out of the pod. “Oh, I’m in space, aren’t I?” Hahaha. That was a good line for Charlie. The eggs have hatched, to nobody’s surprise. They are gnawing on Rick. One is in his mouth. I think Rick just died.
Charlie rescues Ethan. Bernie is trying to break into the pharmacy. Charlie is getting some decent lines. I appreciate that. They find Dr. McCormick’s labcoat and Ethan wears it and finds a card in the pocket. It opens up doors. If you think about Charlie, his character is best with younger people. In part 2, he didn’t really do much with the youth of the film. I think that they recognized that error. Now Charlie and Ethan are in a waste/refuse room. The dialogue is funny here between them and Angela. They escape that and find Bernie. Bernie picks Charlie up off of his feet. We missed that in part 3.
Charlie just realized what year it is. He didn’t handle it well. Bernie is looting the pharmacy. He’s definitely not going to be attacked, right? Al Bert is warning Bernie that 2 lifeforms are on his level. Bernie is greedy. All those loose pills, what good are they unless you know what they are? Bernie is getting double-teamed like his name was (insert popular porn actress name here). Now the nuclear core is having worse problems and our group is stuck. So time to change floors.
The Critters have plotted a change of navigation. Fran just destroyed a bunch of eggs. They take 6 months to incubate, supposedly. The Critters split up. One will pack the ship and one will get the kids. Al Bert just gave Charlie a Colt 45. The funny thing Is that Rick was right in not wanting to station here. Man, now I have that Afroman song stuck in my head. Charlie shot up the ship and managed to shoot one but fucked up so much, including the power supply. So now they have to wait it out in the ship and hope that help arrives. Ethan is a whiny little bitch. Ethan steals the gun. Ethan decides that he wants to kill the final one, and I think he only has one bullet. This kid is a selfish fucker.
Ethan has found the final adult Critter and it is getting bigger in size. I want Ethan to get got. Oh, a spaceship arrives. Time for Ug? There are 4 of them, and there is Ug. Ug is not receptive to seeing Charlie. Fran tries talking to Ug and he smacked her down. Al Bert stuck up for Fran and just got shot. Ug is just a dick now. I am not happy that he shot Al Bert. Now Ethan is on the run and Ethan’s got a gun. Aerosmith should make a song about him.
Ethan has locked the 3 bounty hunters in the laboratory. Well, that will be a fight. And the nuclear core is unstable. They got 10 minutes before death. Ethan juggles and destroys the 3 eggs and Fran knocks out Ug. Ethan is in no hurry to escape. There’s the final big Critter. He fills it up with liquid nitrogen or something similar. He freezes it and then kicks it and it shatters. Jason X stole for that kill and that was also New Line Cinema. Ethan fucks around too long and Ug is now up and has a gun pointed at Ethan. Charlie pulls a gun on Ug. Is this Reservoir Dogs in space? Ug makes a move to shoot Charlie and Charlie pops a bullet in Ug’s bubblegoose. They have 3 and a half minutes before the place vaporizes. Will there be problems escaping? Nope. There’s the big boom. They are on course for Earth. Fran tells Charlie not to touch anything, but Charlie may know how to operate this, right? He’s going to fuck around either way, after putting on sunglasses. He pushes a red button and sent them flipping and way off course. Then some happy-go-lucky music plays as the credits roll.
End FIlm
For a horror film set in space, this wasn’t bad. This really wasn’t bad. It depends on if you want to compare this to the other horror in space sequels or if you want to compare to films in the franchise. I will stick with the franchise. This wasn’t better than 1 or 3. That much is certain. Is it better than 2 is the big question. This was funnier, had better characters and character development. It also had less violence and tits. You can see how this could be perceived as problematic. Still, this was probably better than 2. The characters were developed and Al Bert and Angela had a funny dynamic. Rick was solid for what he was. Fran was cool, and Charlie got to shine. Ug being a villain was the biggest disappointment.
Anders Hove did a great job as Rick. I just wanted to point that out.
Final Rating – 5.3 – Not great, but very rewatchable for some scenes and some comedy. It isn’t going to appeal to everybody though.
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