Here we go, trying a foreign film, brought to us from Hong Kong. This has been on numerous lists that I have read, and it has a 6.8 on IMDB. So let’s try it out. My typing may be limited due to the amount of reading.
First off, I just want to say, Asian chicks look fantastic. I am drinking a V8 and having a cheese stick because I gotta keep myself focused. Hey, the lead actress is named Bai Ling. Some nice cleavage there. This lady is preparing to cook. I will guess that he is making dumplings. Whatever she just ate did not look appetizing at all.
Mrs. Li is a celebrity and she is visiting Mei, who is the cook. Mei is talking about how good her dumplings are as far as keeping her looking young, and that she does. She’s beautiful. Both ladies are actually. She is adding cabbage and ginger. None of this sounds appealing, but I still want to try it. She uses high gluten! Good, none of that no gluten stuff. And in case any of you actually can’t do gluten due to medical reasons, I apologize, but my god, her cleavage is fine. I think I had a point somewhere. Who cares. So she makes the dumplings for Mrs. li and serves them to her. Li drops or sorta spits it out, maybe it was too hot. She is using a huge ass spoon. Mei says to think of the results and not what it used to be. So Li bites into one and she is not digging it but is choking it down. Mei is gonna sing for Li while she eats. OK then, awesome. It’s a song about fishing boats. Oh and about Lake Hung. Nope, not going to make a joke.
Hahaha, Mr. Li is rubbing his masseuse a bit, he’s a perv. I like his style. He has some egg, with a bird something in it that he eats. That looks rather gross, and you know that I rarely say anything like that. Mei is in a hospital, and she has yellow and black striped tight ass pants. Fantastic. She is at someplace, maybe an airport and they have to screen her lunch container. Maybe that was the hospital. She had ham and eggs I think over rice.
Mrs. Li is back at Mei’s place. The Li’s can’t have kids we find out. Her outfit is mostly orange. Wait, so we find out something about what she put in the dumplings is alive, and almost kitten-like at 5 months old. OK, we are getting somewhere. But what is the meat? That is the question. I’ll just guess aborted fetuses to just go as grotesque as I can think of, and work backward from there. Mei was a surgeon in China. Mrs. Li is back to eating these life rejuvenating dumplings. We see her in a montage of eating them. She is committed. I admit that I would be self-conscious with all of these close-ups of me eating.
Mr. Li is having sex, and we get some side boob and some side man ass. So Mr. Li has a mistress. Mrs/ Li interrupts and calls him, letting him know that she is at his favorite bakery. Awww, how nice. She was going to buy him custard tarts. Apparently, it is their 15th anniversary. This guy, he doesn’t seem to be a good dude. They talk later at home. He gives her a check to go shopping, and it’s a lot of zeroes. She is going to visit her nephews. He just tries buying her love and doesn’t give her any time. Mrs. Li is with Mei and says it’s bland this time and asks about the crunchiness. Mei tells her “It’s okay. They have hands and feet already, you know, and ears too.” Li asks if those were bones, and Mei says that the bones are hardly hard, but she will cut them finer next time. OK, curious-er and curious-er. Mei still has those pants on, and Li has on that orange dress. Li says that this can’t go on much longer as her skin is still flabby, and Mei assures her that it is much better. Li wants her most potent stuff. He tells Mei to call her when she acquires it.
2 other females approach Mei, call her Aunt Mei and I believe this is a mother and daughter. They are asking for her help, and Mei doesn’t want to do that stuff. She suggests a hospital where it’s legal. Obviously, they have to be talking about abortion at this point…I think. She suggests another doctor or the black market. The older of the 2 suggests that Mei is the black market. Mei deduces that this girl is 5 months along, that the surgery would pierce the fetus. We find out the girl is 15. The mother explains that it was the girl’s father who impregnated her. Yikes. Mei just keeps her back turned while the mom pleads with her.
Now we are in a hotel it appears. Oh, this is the hotel that Mr. Li keeps for him and his mistress. He wants her to quit her job as he can afford it as she eats very little. Mrs. Li overhears this.
Mrs. Li and Mei are walking outside and Mei with those pants, and Li in a different orange attire. They are near some train tracks and Li thinks she sees a girl, I think the mistress, but it appears to have been a figment of her imagination. Li’s hair is really pretty. The ladies end up at Li’s place. She brings out a crate of eggs out and starts stomping on them, I’m sure the same eggs that her husband ate earlier. She sees one bird start to move, so she stomps it. Yikes.
Mei is so impressed with Li’s house. Li said that her husband is probably with a young girl. We find out that Mrs. Li was doing TV and was doing a stunt and she fell and her eventual husband caught her. She was 20, he was in his 30’s and she thought that she’d live a happy life, BUT guys in their 30’s don’t usually do well with girls in their early 20’s. Girls in their early 20’s are absolutely, legitimately insane. Hahaha, Mei just said that all guys love girls in their 20’s. Well, that’s funny. Guys like hot girls, young girls, or reasonable (not bat shit crazy) girls. You can sometimes get 2 of those 3, but rare to get all 3. Men are all the same according to Mei. We find out Mei’s past, after she broke up with her first love, she ended up with an uncultured man who was a cook. Apparently, it’s hard to get a Hong Kong ID, but she tried and then got divorced. Mei suggests that Li doesn’t want to go through with a divorce because it wouldn’t benefit her in any way.
Hey, there cleavage! Mei is performing an abortion judging by what I am seeing. So we see that she has one tool spreading the girl, and now she put a tube up in her. Yup, play by play. I would like to speculate as to what is happening, but let’s be frank, I really would just come off as an ignorant dude, so I’m just going to observe. It’s been 18 hours. It seems like she is inducing labor as there is talk about the cervix dilating and the water just broke. OK, and out came the fetus. Mei refrigerates it. Mei’s cleavage and of course her singing again.
Li is at Mei’s and Mei is going to steam some dumplings. She also has some incredibly tight blue plants on, like the stretchy kind. I can dig it. Li is in a mostly white with some red accents attire. Li is curious to watch Mei cook. She sees Mei pull the fetus out of the fridge and freaks out, running out of the building. Yup, Li is on the verge of puking. Now she is probably thinking about the lengths that she will go to in order to stay married. She has a nice ass. Mei is like feeling herself up, feeling those tits. And Li returns. I really, really want a lesbian scene here but have my doubts. Mei turns towards Li and tells her that it was a boy. She says to Li, see that little thing, and talks about how rare it is to get a boy because they don’t get aborted in China. Mei didn’t use any drugs and says that firstborns are the most nutritious. Shit, you learn something new every day. Li tells Mei to get cooking. I don’t even know my comfort level of making any kind of joking comments due to how sensitive everybody is about abortions, so I’ll stay classy this time San Diego.
Li eats her fresh dumplings and doesn’t seem to mind them, and Mei looks on with a smile. Mei promises that this will make her feel like new. Li gets a call that her husband broke his leg, so she leaves.
She talks to him about how he needs her and how he normally doesn’t care where she is. He says that she looks and smells nice as he gets all handsy with her. She gets him water but then drinks it on him. Oh no, she dribbles it from her mouth into his and they start making out. He is definitely going to ground and pound her ass. I wish they’d show it.
Back to the mother and daughter. They are on a bus and they get off. 2 dudes get on and sit in the ladies’ seat, and one guy finds it drenched in blood. Kate is the daughter and we see her collapse crossing the street. She is bleeding a lot. the mother is freaking out.
Back to Li, she wakes up and she is rubbing her arms and she looks absolutely vibrant. The mister is having his awful egg. He is walking. She is trying on clothes, she’s got her swagger back and Mister is checking her out. He then gets a call. He says that he’s been busy lately…..yeah, pounding that hot Mrs. Li ass. Alllllright. Then we see some women all talking at a dinner table about eating placentas and a facelift, and then Mrs. Li comes in and she looks radiant. You asses, you couldn’t say vibrant so I could look all cool? The girls suspect a guru or voodoo. Li sits down at the table and they are about to eat and they smell something fishy, and everybody is smelling the food, but it’s not that. Li smells herself, and it’s definitely her. She excuses herself. One of the lady’s comments about the smell being gone and how strange that is. No correlation? None? Dumb bitches. That’s poor writing,
Li is smelling her body and she is gonna bathe is some pedals and fragrances and whatnot. While in the tub, she calls Mei and asks her what exactly this “best stuff” is and explains the fishy smell. Lis says that if anything happens to her, she will sue Mei. And then Mei retorts with how she will have to tell people what she has been eating, and Mister is eavesdropping on this call. Jesus Mei, stop playing with your top, your cleavage is just a spectacle. Mei says the fishy smell is happening because it is working. Li asks what to do now, and Mei explains how this baby was hard to find and only available because his father was also his grandfather. Li is fearing the smell is happening because it was a cursed child. Mei then points out that channel 2 is showing a rerun of her show.
Li puts it on and starts watching and gets sad when she sees how youthful she looked.
Mister shows up in his car, to Mei’s building. She lets him in. He says that she is doing illegal trade, and she says that it’s only a dumpling shop. He asks if it really works. She asks him to take a seat. She has on red pants. They are talking about cannibalism as stuff that the Chinese used to do. Especially during famines and for medicines. She goes on a really creepy talk and keeps bending over showing that fine ass of hers. Yup, he wants her, grabs dat ass and they are making out. He rips her top off. Hello, bra. He pulls her pants down and bends her over the table and we get some man ass. He is pounding her good. Then he sees a drawing or painting of her, and he does the math, and she is 64 years old. He is taken aback but decides to start railing her again as he is impressed by what she has done with the dumplings, and well, look at her.
Mei’s phone rings, it is Li, and she wants more supplies. Mei has matching underwear on. Oh my. That is a turn on. Any guy that says otherwise, I don’t put much stock in their opinion. She walks Mister out and he says he’ll come back to eat her flesh. Then of course as soon as he bounces, guess who is knocking at Mei’s door. Yup, it’s Li. Mei doesn’t answer though.
Li visits the doctors with complaints of rash and dizziness. The doctor says that she will be fine once she moves back to her house. Hotel living is not for her. He gives her some meds. Li looks depressed and defeated. Li also overhears in the hall a nurse talking to the mistress asking why she skipped her ultrasound and the nurse said to call if her morning sickness continued. Yikes. Poor Li. She is having almost a panic attack outside. She breaks down and is crying. She enters a hair salon. There she finds Mei. She apologizes for being rude. She tells her how much she needs her help and how money is not a problem. Mei rejects that and says it was just a dream. Li throws a check in her face and Mei is turning it down….for what? So Li leaves all desperate and then Mister calls Mei’s cell. She tells him that she has been waiting for his call. Mei tears up the check that Li left.
Cops show up at this building, which was seen earlier. The victim is male and badly cut. They are trying to control his wife. I assume it is the mother and daughter’s husband/dad. Yup, sure was. She probably lost her daughter. Oh, and he is still alive. Goddamnit. Not cool to get my hopes up. Poor lady.
Mei is leaving her apartment, seems like she is permanently bouncing. Cops are in there investigating and Li looked on. Li then has some tea with the mistress. Li informs her that her husband is back with her, but she is also aware that Mistress is pregnant. Mistress said that she expected them back together. Mistress says that Mister always wanted a son, and either way, she was in. And we find out that she is 5 months along. Li tells her that she wants to have her baby. Mistress asks if it was for inheritance issues. Li says no, she wants the baby now. She wants her to abort it so that Mistress can be free again while Li has peace of mind. Li says that she will double whatever he is paying Mistress.
Mistress agrees. Li gives specific order on not wanting the fetus dead and no drugs, you know the spiel. The doctor informs her that it will be a long and painful ordeal. He asks Li if she wants to keep the fetus. Mistress asks what for, and Li says to have the most expensive trophy. Li insists on watching.
We then see Li with a meat cleaver, the fetus. She gets a look in her eye and down comes the cleaver.
End film.
I have had a week to think about this film. I have to admit, it hasn’t exited my mind. It’s not haunting me or imploring me to watch it again immediately, but all in all, I liked the idea quite a lot. Is it for everybody? Nah, not at all. I liked it enough where I would rewatch again, and hopefully not type during it so I could catch things that I surely missed the first time through. Mei and Mrs. Li were very good in this. I think this is like 6.5 territory for me. Not enough to be a 7, but better than some 6’s.
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