This is my first review for 2022. I am trying to be significantly more positive and tone down my language significantly. I know what you’re asking yourself at this very moment. Why would I choose a remake of one of my all-time favorite Stephen King films to be my first review where I am attempting to be a more positive person? I don’t really have an answer. I am trying to go into this optimistic.
If you have Peacock, this is currently streaming on release day, so watch it while you can and you can also revisit the original on Peacock.
Let’s just acknowledge some things right now, it may be therapeutic. This cast doesn’t have many big names. It has Zac Efron as Andy, Ryan Kiera Armstrong as Charlie, and Kurtwood Smith (Red from That 70’s Show and Clarence from Robocop) as Dr. Jseph Wanless. Relax. That doesn’t mean that they cast poorly. Sure, Firestarter (1984) had Drew Barrymore, David Keith, Heather Locklear, George C Scott, Martin Sheen, Art Carney, and Louise Fletcher….and they were all awesome. But that doesn’t mean that this cast can’t be good, right? Let’s just see what they did with this and hope for the best in the spirit of the Power of Positivity.
Yes, there will be spoilers, so be smart. Go find a spoiler-free review if you need one.
Start Film
We start right off with breastfeeding. I can’t say that I expected that. Why do I have a feeling that we’re never going to make it to the Albany Airport? I will say that Zac appears to be in slightly better shape than David Keith was, but David Keith was a solid dude. Oh yeah, the whole opening was a dream. This isn’t A Nightmare on Elm Street.
“The bad thing” has been dormant in Charlie for a while now. Why is Vicky, Charlie’s mom, still alive? Ohhh, old videos from Dr. Wanless, when Andy and Vicky were getting interviewed before they were experimented upon. Ya know what? Kurtwood makes for a good Wanless. There, I said something nice. John Carpenter and his son, Cody, did the music for this. Seeing the experiment beginning is really nicely done. I always wanted to see more from the experiments because the book paints such a vivid picture. The book is short and very good and I highly recommend it, by the way.
Andy is helping people with their nicotine cravings. Is this Cat’s Eye? Seriously, I think this is kind of a shout-out to Drew’s other Stephen King film. Was James Woods busy? Andy uses his power, no nosebleed though. Dude, you probably should be making more money for this. Oh, he bleeds from his eyes instead.
Charlie doesn’t use computers. And she has some annoying Ginger boy sitting next to her being a jerk to her. Okay, I can’t be the only person that kinda wanted her to make his fiery red hair actually fiery, right?
Okay, really, having Vicky still alive is really messing with my mind. This may end up pushing the story in a different way that helps set this apart. But I am feeling trepidation. The idea that Charlie only relied on Andy for everything and his desperation really was a key theme in the original. They may get to that, but I fear that due to the length of the film, they won’t have enough time to build up that connection properly.
Oh wow, Ginger just nailed Charlie in the back of the head with a ball while playing bombardment in gym class. Oh my! Okay, there was a moment where this girl’s face looked so similar to Drew’s, well done on casting her. How come girls typically look silly when they run in movies? I know that women are totally capable of running. I notice this in wrestling too. Charlie just kinda lost it in the bathroom and there was a big boom and the poor teacher or teacher’s aid is scurred.
Vicky blames Andy for not teaching Charlie how to use her power properly, but I totally get his perspective too. Andy is in a panic because now their cover is blown. I am hoping that they still call the organization “The Shop”. This fear of being tracked is why they don’t have cell phones or wifi or Google. Andy is a bit harsh on Charlie, and Charlie sets Vicky on fire. That works for me. Vicky is alive and fine, but sure enough, someone is tracking this.
Ohhhh, this is cheesy. I believe that this badass guy with the terrible music playing and the weapons are going to be Rainbird. And he is. And some lady is calling him…..and by some lady, apparently, Captain Hollister, formerly played by the great Martin Sheen is played by a female…..because 2022 is woke and inclusive and if you don’t like it, you best go invent a time machine, suckaaaaa. That’s cool. We should really do this more often. Why bother keeping characters the same sex as they were written? What is gender in 2022 anyway? So yay. Hooray, Hollister mentioned The Shop. This dude playing Rainbird could be solid. He’s no George C Scott, but that’s okay. You don’t ever truly replace a George C Scott.
Vicky’s arms are pretty F’d. Vicky really wants Andy to “push” Charlie, which is his psychic power. I think Andy is right in not wanting to do that. Anyway, they need to get packing. Vicky sends Andy out with Charlie. But Vicky may not be home alone, and Kevin McCallister isn’t there either. I always have to look up how to spell his last name. Oh, a police officer showed up because Charlie had called 911 after setting her mom on fire and I was hoping that was a detail that I could omit. But Rainbird is now in the house. He actually looks like I would have imagined him. Rainbird was also experimented on and has powers. Did Rainbird have powers in the book? It’s been 15+ years since I read it. Vicky has telekinesis like the main girl in Friday the 13th Part VII. Vicky puts up a good fight, all things considered. But I just don’t feel like you win in a fight against a dude named Rainbird.
Hahaha, Charlie tells Andy that she meant to light him on fire. They return home. Time to find a dead Vicky. in the laundry room…or not. Rainbird captures Charlie. I find this interesting. Andy’s eyes are bleeding. Rainbird has his eyes concealed behind a light and has Charlie’s eyes covered. Andy warns Rainbird, but Rainbird says that she can’t aim it without sight. I like that thought. Oh, Charlie causes stuff to happen and then Vicky’s body falls out from atop the washer or dryer. She just unleashed hell on Rainbird and the house is on fire. I wonder if the roof is on fire. I’ll have to ask the Bloodhound Gang. I feel like only half the people reading this even gets that reference.
Hollister visits Wanless in a veteran’s hospital. He talks a bit crazy, but she reveals that the McGee family has been found. Really good casting choice for Kurtwood.
While Andy is napping and dreaming about Vicky, Charlie tries aiming her power a bit. Then she finds a cat. Please call him General! Seriously, this is clearly a shout-out to Cat’s Eye, so I applaud that. Well, the cat scratches Charlie, so she uhmmmm, she burned up that kitty. I feel animal lovers, especially cat lovers will loathe that scene.
Wanless warns Hollister that as Charlie gets older, she could create a nuclear explosion with just her mind. Hollister sweet talks Wanless about being the creator of Lot 6, the experimental drug that gave everybody their powers. Hollister says that they just want to understand Charlie better, but Wanless insists that they terminate her instead. This was by far the best scene of the film. I haven’t seen the rest of the film, but I am positive that this was the best. (Okay, I finished the film. This was the best scene.)
Charlie wants to pray for the cat after giving it a nice little tombstone of sorts. While Andy is praying, he talks about the cat as he, she, or they. Why? Can cats now choose their gender? I genuinely don’t know. Good for them if they can, right? I urge people to not make this the big talking point. If you’re annoyed with it, rest assured there are many people who share your sentiment. But don’t let a line ruin the film for you.
Andy and Charlie are now hitchhiking. Is this Irv? Charlie kept the Roberta name, ha. Andy pushes this guy into giving them a ride. When I looked through the cast list some time ago, I didn’t see any character with the last name of Manders, but I am happy to see it now. Norma’s name is now Essie. Irv is no longer an old white dude, but is played by John Beasley who has been in quite a few things that I enjoy, including Walking Tall as The Rock’s father and The Purge: Anarchy. Essie is kinda comatose and on a ventilator, and Charlie found her. Essie was in a car accident.
Andy tells Charlie about when she was born. He tells her about these men who came to take her away, so Andy pushed one to kill his partner and then ordered him to forget how to breathe. Can you in any reasonable way forget how to breathe? That was the best way to make the guy kill himself??? Andy tries to explain that when you hurt someone, you hurt everyone around them, and makes her promise to not use her powers to hurt anyone. In less than 30 minutes, she best be breaking that promise.
Irv is watching the news, and it is about Andy. Irv is drunk and upset about this. Charlie comes out to reveal that Irv’s story about Essie’s accident wasn’t totally true, and it was because of Irv arguing with Essie and that cost them their son’s life. Essie has been this way for 30 years, wow. No wonder Irv drinks. Uh oh, Irv called the police beforehand and here they are. I really am intrigued by this new take on Irv’s character.
Irv talks to the police and explains how he was dreaming it and is drunk. Then outta nowhere, like an RKO, Rainbird starts sniping the cops. I didn’t necessarily see that coming. Rainbird, why you gotta shoot Irv in the leg? Ohhhhh, Charlie is pissed. She just let loose with a fireball. I have some mini bottles of Fireball that I have yet to drink. Time for Charlie to run and Andy and Rainbird have a showdown. Andy is too weak this time. Rainbird is too strong thanks to his abilities. These guys show up with special contact lenses that block Andy’s powers. I am assuming that they are The Shop, but they are taking Andy and Rainbird. They bring Rainbird to Hollister and she isn’t happy. He is convinced that Charlie will come to find Andy. The contact lenses…. seem entirely silly to me. I get the purpose, but they still look silly.
Now, what I don’t like, and I am jumping the gun a bit, is that we don’t get the long burn of Charlie not knowing Rainbird and him slowly winning her over. That takes away one of the better aspects of the story. I’m curious how they change it. At least this isn’t an exact remake, and whether this is better or worse, I like when they try to tell the story differently. Oh yeah, Andy’s last name is really Cooper.
Hollister talks to Andy. She wants Andy to bring Charlie to the facility. Charlie knows that Andy is at the DSI. She works on honing her skills. Having a little montage!!! I didn’t anticipate a montage in Firestarter, but I am a sucker for montages. While she is walking around the neighborhood, she was this weird aura for half a second. I don’t know if my video is messed up or if that was intended. I feel like she’s going to find Ginger. That is what we all want, right? 3 boys decide to circle her on bikes and talk smack. They got off easy. She pushed them to get a bike, a sandwich, and a denim jacket. Nice. She did good. The weird thing is that the music is mostly really good, but I still didn’t love Rainbird’s first appearance music.
Charlie gets to the DSI and gets in Agent Jules car. She asks questions and gets his keycard and then he tries to pull a gun on her. He no longer has skin on half of his face…..make that all of his face.
A security guard has discovered her. So she messes with the camera. How? What power does she have that allows for that? That’s a serious question. Anyway, this appears to be potentially going to Hollister’s plan, right? I feel like she should know this though, that she’s being stalked. Maybe she’s too emotional to be thinking clearly. She finds Andy in a chamber strapped to a chair. It wasn’t Andy sending those messages. It was Rainbird. What a tweest!!! Hollister reveals herself to Charlie. Gloria Reuben is doing pretty well as Hollister, given the role as it is written. Andy tells Charlie to burn it all down. He pushes her to do it. She burns Hollister and Andy. Well…..that was something. It was less than 30 minutes.
With all the special affects that we have today, I expect this to be visually spectacular. Rainbird is out of his cell. That sets things up nicely. Charlie is just having her way with security. The liar liar line feels soooo forced. That was cringeworthy. And these effects kinda suck. A group of guys in the shiny flame retardent suits seem to present a roadblock in Charlie’s progress. She is out of power. BAM, Rainbird with the save. Interesting.
Here we have the inevitable showdown. The Bride vs Bill level of confrontation. All this buildup. Rainbirdbird drops to his knees and puts his hands behind his back. Charlie is about to…..she stops and sees herself in a reflection. Okay, if you’re gonna spare Rainbird then take the idea all the way, not partially. Have him turn face and help take care of her. She burned the building.
Charlie is walking along the coast. Hey, Rainbird is standing next to Charlie and offers her his hand. Wait, did they actually just listen to me? That never happens. I am so confused. Rainbird picks her up and walks away along the coastline.
End Film
Huh, that ending. Anyway, when I did my review of the remake of Pet Sematary (2019), I did a Pros and Cons list comparing the 2. Let’s face it, a good portion of you have seen the original and will be weighing the two films next to each other.
Pros
They told a similar story but changed it enough to make it its own entity. Whether it is better or worse doesn’t matter for this particular point. What is important is not completely rehashing the exact same story. And this certainly didn’t reach the dreadful levels of the second remake of Black Christmas (2019) Huh, 2019 was responsible for some remakes, apparently.
Zac Efron wasn’t detrimental to the film. I know many people rolled their eyes when hearing that he was cast as Andy. His role wasn’t as meaty as David Keith’s, but Zac did very well with what he had to work with.
To piggyback on the previous point, I thought the acting was mostly good. Ryan Kiera Armstrong as Charlie was a solid choice. Michael Greyeyes did a great job for this version of Rainbird. Sydney Lemmon had a lot more screen time than Heather Locklear did as Vicky and had more of an impact on the story as a result. Gloria Reuben as Hollister worked nicely too.
Of course, the best casting was having Kurtwood Smith as Wanless. He was in 2 scenes and the intro montage. Those scenes were my favorite scenes in the whole film. The funny thing is that I didn’t feel like Wanless in the original version was given much to work with. It was probably the character from the book that they did the worst with. This version made up for it.
Cons
The lack of time with just Andy and Charlie was a big problem for me. Had I never seen the original or read the book, the scene with Charlie burning her father would have had minimal impact upon me as a viewer. They failed to build that relationship deeper.
They failed Rainbird’s character for the most part. This of course led to the finale, but was it worth it? Rainbird’s story arc wasn’t that good. He was such an evil, manipulative bastard in the original film. It was great. This version of Rainbird was mercenary, but also sympathetic because he was experimented upon, but also killed Vicky, but was Charlie’s savior t the end. The acting was fine, but the role needed work.
Irv and Essie were a significant downgrade in every way possible. I can say that it was okay because it was different, and that’s as close to positive as I’m gonna get. I’m sorry, but replacing the great Art Carney and Louise Fletcher with John Beasley and a comatose lady isn’t gonna cut it. you changed the loveable Irv into a drunk who not only caused his wife to be in this condition for 30 years, but also killed his son in the process of the car accident. Does this add anything? Did this help the plot move along in any way? Different for the sake of being different doesn’t help.
To go further along this path, because it really annoyed me, this cuts off 2 important aspects. We never get to see Charlie unleash her powers as an appetizer for the grand finale. That was such a disservice. I loved the original scene. The other aspect is that Charlie finds Irv in the end and he takes her to the New york Post (I think) office to tell the story about The Shop. It was more important in the book, but it was still a positive way to end the story. In my mind, when Charlie says early on that she doesn’t have a Google, or whatever the line is, I am sitting here assuming that is the out that they needed to go to the newspaper in the modern day. Otherwise, you would post it online. But to an old man and a girl who doesn’t Google, going to the newspaper made all the sense in the world. INSTEAD, Irv takes a bullet to his leg and is never seen again. Does he bleed out? Does Essie die? Too many loose threads for my taste.
There was no Albany Airport! The Albany Airport rarely gets any love in films, and that scene in the original is really good, and how they started the story in the original and then tell us the important early bits in flashbacks worked oh so well, unlike the remake of The Stand. I’m still seething about that.
My final con is also important to me. The grand finale was an absolute dud. They held off on letting Charlie loose at the farm. So you’re now expecting this truly badass finale. It is pure chaos at the end of the original, and it was wonderful. Here, it was so mundane. The special effects looked like crap at certain points. The facility’s design was also underwhelming and uninspiring. Not much time was spent there. The final third of the film fizzled out.
Wait, I have a bonus con. If you read this or watched the film, aren’t you left wondering about one character in particular? I am. What happened to the Ginger bastard? A cat gets got, a bunch of agents and police get got. For all we know, Irv and Essie get got. All the main characters are not in good shape, but Ginger just gets off the hook? Not cool!
Final Thoughts
Let’s be honest. As a film on its own, without taking the book or film predecessor into account, this film isn’t bad. It’s not great, it may not even be very good. I see IMDB has it sitting at a 5.0 and I actually expect that number to dip some and then rise again within a few years. I liked it a bit more than a 5.
I’d give this a 6.1. The music is really good. The acting is good and sometimes very good. The story isn’t what I would have gone with, but that’s okay. We now have access to the same base story told two different ways and we should be happy as fans of the source content to have two different takes on it.
Final Rating: 6.1
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Blumhouse Productions
- Angry Adam Productions
- BoulderLight Pictures
- Night Platform (uncredited)
- Universal Pictures
- Weed Road Pictures
Please go find a copy and support the creators.