This was was one of the first movies I remember watching late at night up to my grandparents. They would play pinochle with my parents, I’d nap, and then wake up to whatever scary movie was on that Friday or Saturday night. That’s how I got introduced to The Fly, American Werewolf In London, Tales From The Darkside, and some other cool older things that I vaguely remember, but when you are like 8-ish, that shit is awesome! This has Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis. It is directed by David Cronenberg. I believe it is a remake of the Vincent Price’s film of the same name. To say that I am excited is a bit of an understatement, as it has been many, many years since I last watched this, possibly 2+ decades ago.
Goldblum’s hair is amazing. Geena’s is sexy 80’s hot. Seth (Jeff) is chatting with Veronica (Geena) about something that is gonna be a huge thing, so he gets her to bring him back to his lab. They get there and Seth starts playing the piano, which is a good way to start off. He shows her his machine that he has made, telepods. She keeps referring to them as phone booths. He asks her for a piece of clothing or jewelry that is uniquely her, so she gives him a stocking. Nice. He puts her stocking in the telepod. It has determined what it is made of, and then it disappears, and she is like, cool, world’s biggest microwave. He’s like, nah, check this out, and in the other telepod, there’s her stocking. She is confused, trying to take in what just happened.
She starts up her tape recorder and hides it in her pocket and then asks him questions. He doesn’t want her to write about this. She is bitchy, and he is insistent that she doesn’t write a story, and she’s all about writing that story because that’s how journalists are portrayed in movies. Her boss is saying that he conned her. He says it’s an old nightclub routine. And Seth shows up and meets Stathis (her boss) and talks to Veronica. They go to get burgers, and he wants to talk to somebody about it, but word can’t get out quite yet. He reveals that he can only teleport inanimate objects. He can’t do living beings. He suggests that she covers all of this, record everything, and make it into a book, screw the magazine article. He wants it to end with him teleporting from one pod to the next. Sold. We have developed characters in 15 minutes, we have a premise, and we can see this could go awry.
Stathis let himself into Veronica’s place and is taking a shower and saying how she wants him to move back in and whatnot. Man, she is bitchy to him. She asks for the key, and he’s like, nah, I’ll keep it for old time sake.
At the lab, Veronica is with Seth, and he is teleporting a baboon. So we see the aftermath and it’s a bloody thing writhing in pain with no skin. It was upsetting obviously. He says that he thinks that it turned the baboon inside out. She is encouraging him to talk to the camera, but he is too upset and his knowledge is limited on the flesh. She asks him if he ever changes his clothes, he has 5 sets of the same outfit, which he stole from Einstein. She offers to make him a steak. She says that he’s very cute, and here we go. Make out time for no real reason. Thank you 80’s/ Yup, they hooked up. Also, he had a computer chip of sorts buried in his back, and it cut him like he was laying on it.
He wants to try an experiment…..with steak. He fried it up after, so the real steak is adequate, but the teleported steak tastes synthetical. The computer is trying to make its interpretation of flesh, and that’s why it’s not working. Fair nuff. Stathis is jealous that she spent the night and is following her and then confronted her at a men’s clothing store.”Don’t you get it? I’m finally onto something big…..huge.” – Veronica. “Yeah? What, his cock?” – Stathis. Oh, that is gold. She buys Seth a nice coat.
At the lab, they try another baboon and Seth has new attire on. The teleport worked! He needs to send the baboon to get tests to make sure that he is good. She wants to take him on vacation to Florida. They move slow. Oh, he is gonna be romantic, and order Chinese for dinner. Stathis sent a magazine with the cover story being about Seth, so Ronnie, as everyone seems to call her, is gonna deal with Stathis. As the editor, he says that it’s his story now basically. Stathis will back off if she will keep him in the loop and not disappear from his life. So she agrees. He wants to know about them having stress relieving sex, and she says he’s disgusting. He is great.
At the lab, Seth is paranoid about Ronnie and Stathis, and he apologizes to the baboon for killing his brother. He is drunk. The baboon is swatting at a pesky fly. Seth is like, screw it, let’s just do this. Unfortunately and unbeknownst to him, there’s a fly in there with him. The baboon checks on him. I enjoy the baboon. And boom, it works, and the baboon is super pumped and jumps in his arms. It was a success.
Ronnie returns at night and is all kissy. He tells her that he did the teleport as he was drunk and upset. Seth tells her how he was jealous, and she’s happy that he taped the teleport for her. Goldblum is in good shape. We see the chip wound, and little hairs are growing out of the wound. They boink again. A fly is flying around, he wakes up, catches it in his hand, and then releases it. That’s some Mr. Miyagi shit right there. Thug life. Hello, Geena Davis’ sideboob. Seth is jacked and has all kinds of strength, doing like gymnast shit, very impressive. Him on the bar and like walking on the ceiling was great. Her panties are super moist after that, oh she may not be wearing panties, but you get the lewd reference either way. Hey go out and she has a beret and looks absolutely fucking ridiculous. That’s the worst thing I have to say halfway through. Solid.
He puts a ton of sugar in his coffee and is talking incessantly. He is super excited and impatient. He is exhibiting some unique traits. They go back to his place and he has been railing her for hours. Good for him. She discovers the coarse hairs on his back, and he wants more poontang pie. Ohhh, and he has some briefs on. He gets a thing of ice cream, and she clips the hairs, and they are tough. He wants her to go through with teleporting because he feels strong, energetic, no need for sleep. She’s afraid and tells him that he’s been weird, so he is a condescending asshole, and says that he will find somebody who isn’t afraid. He is all kinds of wound up and can jump high.
They are building upon his insatiable appetite for sugary foods. He goes to a bar and chats to some strumpet at the bar. Oh man, this guy’s outfit, red plaid, white undershirt, and suspenders. So he bets a hundred bucks and rights to take the girl home if he can beat either of the arm wrestling gents. SO he takes on Marky, the awesome dude. In real life, he is a Canadian boxing legend. Seth has white stuff secreting from his fingers. They are at an impasse, and he snaps Marky’s wrist or forearm. So Seth takes the chick home with him. He’s a playa. Her name is Tawny. She gets tired walking up the stairs so Seth just carries her up all of these stairs. Damn. At his place, we see interior boob and panties, but no nipple. You guys are hurting the cause. He does another teleport and shows off. She asks if he’s a magician, and he says yes, and goes to works, and the hairs have grown back. The morning after, she wants breakfast, and he wants her to go through, and she wants to rub him, and he’s like, nope, you’re going through. Oh and the alcohol hurts his skin. We get full boob as he grabs her. I am counting it. Ronnie tells her to be afraid, be very afraid. Tawny is upset and bounces. She thanks him for a wonderful time.
Ronnie is giving Seth the spiel about him changing, acting different, smelling, and she had the back hairs analyzed at a lab. The scientist said that they aren’t human, very likely insect hairs. Seth’s face is looking weird too. He is in denial. He gives her das boot.
He tries the electric razor on his face, it does nothing. He then bites his nail, and it comes right off and squirts the white stuff again. His nails just peel off. He does an analysis on the teleport and sees that there was a secondary element. He now sees the fly. So he asks what happened to fly, and it says the fusion of them at a molecular and genetic level. Is this a PSA against drinking?
Ugh, Ronnie is smoking. She gets a call and it’s from Seth. She has been trying to reach him for 4 weeks apparently. So she pays Seth a visit. He reveals himself to her, and he has 2 canes and looks rough. His face looks awful. He explains to her what happened with the fly. He says that his teleporter turned into a great gene splicer. He refuses to get tested or see a doctor. He just puked all over his food, and his ear fell off. He is begging her to help him.
She talks to Stathis, and he tells her not to go back for fear of contagion. He asks her to show him what has happened. She has that nice apartment and this awful looking car. Yup, awful is my word. She comes to visit and he can climb on the ceiling and walls now, and he’s losing his hair. His teeth is looking very fucked. He is becoming Brundle Fly. He wants her to record him. It’s time to eat. His teeth are useless. Solid food hurts. He has to break down his food and suck it up, just like a fly. Yup. Stathis watches the tape of this. Ronnie comes home and tells Stathis that she is pregnant with Seth’s baby and is a crying, sad heap of a woman.
He brings her to the hospital, and she doesn’t want to lose it, but Stathis is like, this is the best thing, to abort it. Well, we are watching the abortion. It comes out as a larva and she is screaming. Oh, yeah, it was just a dream.
Oh, Seths’s hands look so rough. So he is wondering how to minimize the fly effect in him, and the computer tells him that he would have to splice with more humans, which seems like the obvious way to go. He is looking way worse by the way. His voice is not being recognized, and his teeth just fell out. Hey, there’s some Cap’n Crunch. He sorta looks like Thing from Fantastic Four. Ronnie shows up and he tells her that she has missed some big moments. He is saving all the things that have fallen off of him. He tells her to leave and to never come back. He says that insects are brutal, have no compromise, and that insects aren’t to be trusted. He wants to be the first insect politician. He will hurt her if she stays. She is all crying again, so she leaves, and poor Seth is having a bad emotional time.
She couldn’t tell him. She wants to get that abortion done now. He says that she may not be in the right state of mind, and Stathis is trying to talk sense into her. Stathis has connections and wants Frank to do the abortion. Frank wants to run tests, and Ronnie ain’t having that and says that she will do it herself if she has to. Time to get undressed. Stathis and Frank walk away to give her privacy, and Seth just jumps through the window and carries her away. Interesting.
Seth says that the baby may be the last thing left of him. She says that she can’t, and he says that’s too bad. Stathis comes by Seth’s place and he has a loaded shotgun, always the 80’s movie of choice. Stathis discovers that there are now 3 pods, A, B, and the spliced product. Seth jumps down and pukes on Stathis’ hand and it dissolves it halfway down his forearm. Now he pukes on his leg that was trying to get the shotgun. He is about to puke on his throat, but Ronnie begs him not to, so he crawls up to. He asks her to help him be human. He explains the splicing idea. A family of 3 people all joined together. She rips his lower jaw off. Oh man, this transformation is awesome. He is a human fly. Seth tosses her in a chamber. Stathis has the gun. The makeup/effects for this are incredible.
Stathis tries to make it to his feet. He fires at the cables. This pisses off Seth who breaks out. Chamber A is disconnected, which is Ronnie’s. The countdown reached 0 and Seth didn’t get full out. The fusion was successful. The chamber opens and it is just a fucking mess. Seth crawls toward her, and she has the gun and is crying. He just waits and grabs the barrel to his head, and she can’t do it. Well, she pulls the trigger, perfect headshot. She cries.
End film.
This movie succeeded in so many ways. It developed characters and did so quickly. 15 minutes in, I knew everything I needed to know, and we could just let everything play out. They don’t waste time with a cheesy love story. It’s there, but it’s quick and painless. The story is incredibly interesting. All it takes is one minor thing to go wrong. The special effects and makeup and everything were really great, top-notch stuff that even holds up well almost 30 years later. The 3 leads all did a great job in their roles. No real complaints.
Final rating: 7.5
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