Freddy vs. Jason 2003

Many years ago, when I started doing these reviews, I always wanted to get to this film. But I put it off and put it off. I think it has been 8 years. I did all of the Nightmare of Elm Street films, but then I decided that I wanted to do all of the Friday the 13th films. And I started them and then lost the reviews. Last year was finally going to be the year, and I got through 7 of the 10, excluding the reboot. I can proudly say, it’s finally time to review the single most anticipated film in my life.

As you probably know, New Line Cinema purchased the Jason Voorhees character in the early ’90s with the intent to make this film. But the timing was never right. They did Jason Goes To Hell and that made sense because it gives you a starting point for a script. Through the years, many scripts were made, I believe the project almost got started a few times, but it never came to fruition. Additionally, slashers were a dying breed. It took films like Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer to make horror seem cool again. Still, they couldn’t get it off the ground. They resorted to making Jason X. I liked the movie, but it wasn’t good and it wasn’t what the fans truly wanted.

Here’s a quick story that only people of a specific age range can properly relate to. I was in college in the late ’90s and I found some film scripts while in the Computer Lab. Now, back then, the internet was slow as shit and half the population at best knew how to use a PC. In the Computer Lab, you were limited to how many pages you could print. I’m sure there were other jackasses like me. So I would print some, come back later, print more and I continued until I had a full script. And some of the scripts weren’t bad. Not great, but you could see the idea working well.

I still remember the opening night. It was Friday, August 15, 2003. At the time, I was doing the Malarkey Show on Friday nights at 9 PM. I sure as hell wasn’t going to miss this film. So Russ, Craig, and Ron went with me to the theater for the 7 PM showing, and after previews and whatnot, we had to haul ass to get to the studio immediately after. I also remember these fucking idiot teens sitting in front of us making way too much noise. I so wanted to end all of their lives. Let’s face it, they didn’t deserve to see this film if they were going to be obnoxious. Am I being too harsh? If you think that I am, then you don’t know me.

The cast is pretty decent. Obviously, they brought back Robert Englund. Kane Hodder is out and Ken Kirzinger is in, and he was also in F13 VII briefly. John Ritter’s son, Jason, is here as Will. Kelly Rowland, a former member of Destiny’s Child back when Beyonce was decent, is here as Kia. Brendan Fletcher is a somewhat recognizable face from The Revenant and Leprechaun Origins (for the poor souls that happened to see that travesty). And finally, there’s pro wrestling icon, Rey Mysterio Jr in this as a jumper.

With all of that being said, it’s time to start the movie.

Start Film

The intro this great monologue by Freddy showing his past and what he became after his death. Lots of flashbacks to past films. Freddy says that he can’t come back if nobody remembers him. Why are Freddy’s teeth so pointy? Anyway, he found somebody who will help make everybody remember. Hello, girl getting topless. Okay, she is just going full-on nude. This is how you start this movie! She is freaked out and tries to get dressed, She runs but there is Jason. I really want to know how these girls run so well in the woods barefoot. I don’t get it. There’s the inevitable trip and fall. Now she is looking around instead of more running. Backs up into a tree. And wait for it….machete through the sternum. But then Jason hears his mom’s voice. His victim changes faces and voices. Shame that they couldn’t have gotten Betsy Palmer for this. Mommy tells him that he can never die. He’s just been sleeping. It’s time to wake up and go to Elm Street because the children have been very bad. His body starts to revitalize. Oh, and in case you didn’t know, Freddy was impersonating Jason’s mom.

It’s still weird to hear the Jason sound and seeing the Elm St sign. Lori, Kia, and Gibb are hanging out on Elm St. They will be out 3 main females. Jason is there. Treu and Blake show up with booze. Lori still misses Will. This was the girl’s way of trying to hook Lori up with Blake. Trey is a bossy dick and wants a neck massage upstairs. Lori’s mom is dead and she doesn’t get out much. I think they already provided more character development than F13 VIII. Ohhh, the backdoor was open.

Gibb and Trey are getting their fuck on. Trey is an absolute delight. Gibb’s tits are an absolute delight. There, I have hit my mandatory boob reference quota. Trey just got macheted through and Jason folded the bed in half and Trey was bent over backward, if you will. Lots of screaming and panic ensue. A cop happens to be on the street driving around. Stubbs was the officer. Lori was apparently questioned about her dreams and Freddy was mentioned at the crime scene. She now thinks of Freddy’s name but may have also…..most definitely fallen asleep.

She walks past missing children posters and the children all move their heads. She also finds a little girl on the ground in the police station. The little girl’s eyes have been cut out and she tells Lori that Freddy is returning. Lori backs up into Freddy’s front door. Yay, little girls playing jump rope and singing. I feel at home right now. Freddy appears in a jump scare she wakes up.

Blake’s dad is giving him the business about going out and drinking. There’s something by the bushes, Blake gets up, there’s a goat. And Freddy is on the street and gives him a good scare. He isn’t strong enough. In the meantime, he’ll let Jason have some fun, like killing Blake and his dad.

Now we’re at Westin Hills. And out of all of the nice subtle touches, I love that they brought us back to the place that originally made me a fan in part 3. Here, we meet Mark and Will (Lori’s ex). They give them Hypnocil. Will sees Lori on the TV but they immediately shut that shit down. Mark pulls him away. Will wants to go back to Springwood and Mark is worried about the nightmares again. Will claims it was Lori’s father that did something bad, perhaps murder the mom. Mark goes crazy, some man ass, got sedated and stole the keys. So they escape but Mark is fucked up.

Lori’s dad is giving her OJ and mixes it with Hypnocil. I like Freddy’s efforts in very short spurts. It has a different vibe. The 3 girls are doing the typical over-dramatic stuff at school and everybody is looking at them. Linderman is a nerdy-type dude trying to be a friend to Lori. Stoner and fat dude are handing out things for a party. Lori is freaking out talking about Freddy and then Mark sings the Freddy song. And then Will makes his appearance, all at school. And everybody is just watching awkwardly. Lori faints. Was that Robert Shaye? Haha, it sure was. He is the principal. And this isn’t his first Freddy film. Also, he is Lynn Shaye’s brother. Shit, if you don’t know who he is, look him up.

Lori is in the nurse’s office and Kia is flipping through a magazine about plastic surgery. That is her character’s big obsession. Gibb is napping. More boobs in the magazine. She is clearly dreaming. Freddy cuts off her nose and says “Got your nose.” It reminds me of the Michael Jackson episode of South Park.

Will and Mark are in the library looking up Feddy newspaper articles. Mark’s brother was killed by Freddy too, apparently. Basically, any kids that had contact with Freddy ended up in Westin Hills. Fear is what makes Freddy powerful. Mark wants to leave, but Will insists on seeing Lori first. It sounds like Hypnocil was upgraded to help people from dreaming of remembering dreams, at the very least.

Big party in the middle of a cornfield. This is exactly what you expect. Shack is the name of the fat guy. Good name. Jason is now at the party. Linderman is flirting with Lori, and Kia shuts him down, and then Linderman fires back. Will shows up at the party as well. Kia and Linderman dance. Will and Lori are trying to have a serious conversation and Kia just wants to shake that ass, bitch.

Gibb is walking in the corn and Trey starts barking orders at her, and she follows. She gets to a silo, still nobody. Well, there’s Freddy. And now, there’s no easy way out. We see that Gibb is actually on the ground passed out and a creepy guy is pondering whether to hit that, “Kids” style. That’s a good movie, fucked up, but good. Gibb is in the boiler room. Freddy has more confidence. He pushed her over the railing. The creepy guy is on top of Gibb kissing her and Jason is nearby. Gibb is still alive. She hides in a locker with 3 slats to see out of so we can have the jump scare. Freddy goes for the kill but at the last second, Jason kills her and the creepy guy. Freddy is pissed because he almost had a kill. Shack and another guy are drinking Everclear and smoking. Jason is behind them. Shack calls Jason, Jethro. Shack’s buddy gets his head twisted. Shack doses Jason with booze, lights him on fire, and then flees once Jason starts moving toward him. I feel like I read something about this particular stunt going awry, but I may be thinking of the incorrect film. Okay, mid-film research break.

God damnit, that was Katherine Isabelle as Gibb. How did I overlook one of my all-time favorite horror ladies? Katherine and director Ronny Yu didn’t get along because she specifically requested to not do a nude scene and he was hellbent on it. That was a body double. Still, you can’t be that much of a dick. Body doubles are super easy to get. Betsy Palmer didn’t return because she felt the role was too small. Really? Was she doing anything remotely relevant at the time? Come the fuck on with this ego shit. Robert Englund was a big fan of Katherine. This film and X-2 were both using Crystal Lake at the same time. Seventeen scripts were submitted and none were used. New Line turned down Kane Hodder because he was too short for the role of Jason that he had just played in the past 4 films. Robert Englund is 5’9. Kane is 6’3 and Kirzinger is 6’5. The height wouldn’t have made a difference when watching it. Rob Zombie was offered to direct but chose to do House of 1000 Corpses. Now that would be an interesting “What If”. Jason Bateman was originally going to play Tommy Jarvis in this. Christina Ricci was offered the role for Lori but turned it down to be in Monster. That was a good decision, honestly. Research over.

Shack makes it back to the party but gets killed. Jason goes nanners and unleashes hell at the party. This was definitely a nod to NoeS 2 pool party.

Will, Lori, Kia, Linderman, and the stoner all catch a ride in the van. Will reveals that he saw Lori’s dad kill her mom. The dad interrupts the conversation. More drama. Lori asks him to prove that her mom died in a car accident. Haha, he is manipulative. She escapes out her window. She reunites with Will. The plan is to get to Mark.

Mark is now in the midst of a nightmare….or is he? Yeah, he definitely is. Mark is trying to wake himself up. I don’t quite understand the urgency of Will and Lori in approaching Mark’s place. They appeared to have no urgency the prior shot. Mark refuses to pass on the message. Freddy sets him on fine and then slices his face while Will and Lori watch on. On Mark’s back in burnt flesh, it says Freddy’s Back.

Sheriff wants things done a certain way and Stubbs opposes. There will be a curfew for anyone under 18.

Lori is hanging out with Will, Linderman, Kia, and Bill (the stoner). Time to make a plan. It feels like That 70’s Show. Bill is more afraid of Jason. Stubbs drops in to help out the gang. He gives them the Jason Voorhees history lesson. Lori is getting very tired. Jesus, she is useless. “Wait a minute. Freddy died by fire, Jason by water. How can we use that?” So they decide to offer a virgin sacrifice, but it’s not Linderman. Nope, Lori, and she’s dreaming. She ripped off Freddy’s ear and pulled it out from the dream. Will reveals that they never dreamed in Westin Hills thanks to Hypnocil. Time to go to Westin Hils, and Jason is there.

They get in and security is ever-present. Bill decides that he needs to smoke a joint in this moment. The door is banging and the security guard goes to check on it. Jason has murdered him via door squishing. There’s this great room full of patients who couldn’t stop dreaming and they are on tables or beds and it is just creepy as fuck. It’s a really nice visual. They are all in a coma from too much Hypnocil. And of course Lori’s dad is responsible.

Bill is stoned now in the control room. A Fredy caterpillar makes its way in with a hookah and blows smoke in Bill’s face and then leaves. Bill is in the coma room and everyone is sitting up looking in his direction despite having bandages over their eyes. They are whispering and pointing. It’s all creepy. But I have to ask a simple question. Why is Bill dreaming about a room that he hasn’t ever seen? I get it, we have all dreamed about places that we have never seen or been to, but this is a bit specific, wouldn’t you agree? I am happy they did it because it was creepy, but not entirely logical. They direct him to dispose of the Hypnocil but he knows they need it. So Freddy-pillar falls onto Bill and squirms his way into his mouth. Nope, not gonna make the obligatory comment.

Linderman and Stubbs see Bill dumping the Hypnocil. Jason shocks and kills Stubbs. Linderman has a gun but he runs. Bill/Freddy gets a tranquilizer. Stubbs comes flying in and Jason is right behind. They run past Bill, who is standing his ground, in a Freddy voice with 2 big tranquilizers. Freddy tranquilizes Jason and Jason kills Bill, almost as good as Uma Thurman.

Jason is dreaming and hearing from his mom who is scolding him for not being able to stop killing. Freddy is gonna put Jason to sleep for good, but Jason cuts off Freddy’s arms, and then they’re back. Freddy is on the offense. Jason is taking it like a champ and Freddy is all-powerful. Freddy is at his finest doing funny shit zany pinball shit. Jason keeps on coming, though. Jason flings Freddy into some pipes and water is pouring out. Suddenly, Jason is terrified of water and stops. This is the plot hole that prevents this film from achieving a higher score. Supposedly, this is something that Director Ronny Yu added. Whoever is to blame should be ashamed. It changes history for the sake of adding a weakness to Jason. But you could have provided a different weakness. We have seen that Jason doesn’t mind the water. Freddy makes a cage of water for Jason. So dumb.

So the kids are bringing Jason to Crystal Lake to give him a home-field advantage. Jason is now a cowering little boy with a hockey mask. Freddy is just being cruel and plunging his blade into Jason’s brain to get more backstory that they had to make up because they didn’t have the rights to the first 8 films. Rights issues also prevented Ash or Pinhead from appearing, unfortunately. Now we see a flashback of Jason dragging a body, through water nonetheless, back to his little cabin. Yes, you know, the guy who is now apparently afraid of water. Please, explain this to me. Well, there is a brief boob. Nothing titillating.

They are going to sedate Lori and keep Jason sedated long enough for Lori to bring Freddy into the real world. So, now we’re going to do the same damn thing they did in the original Nightmare plus in Freddy’s Dead. Also, why not send Will in the dream? Why always sending in a girl? Just asking for a friend. Lori now does the Now I lay me down to sleep, just like Nancy.

In the dream world, she is at Camp Crystal Lake and sees all the kids picking on Jason and putting a burlap sack over his head. Why you gotta be mean to bald kids? There are 4 counselors, making out and fucking, right out in the open. One becomes Freddy and the girl he is nailing is nude now. Good on them. Now Jason is pushed in the water. Kia is freaking out after 5 minutes but the plan is for 15 minutes. Lori is trying to save young Jason from drowning. Freddy is making sure to drag him under. Jason is starting to spit up water in the van, so it’s time for mouth to mouth for Kia. Linderman can’t because he has asthma. It’s actually a funny little bit there. She lifts up the mask. Kia goes down but Jason rises, Linderman shoots off the gun, the van goes swerving. Good stuff all around. The van has flipped and Jason is flung out. Freddy jumps up out of the water and gets tackled by Lori. She ends up in Freddy’s house. Lori won’t wake up. When Freddy jumped, was that Rey Mysterio? Nope, Rey was Freddy in the earlier boiler room scene with Gibb.

So Lori is in her home and her dad comes upstairs with a butch knife. The kids are bringing Lori to Crystal Lake. Lori is watching her dad….no Freddy, killing her mom. Lori runs scared. Jason is approaching the kids. Lori is on her back and Freddy is cutting her chest. Will is smacking her. Jason has entered and the cabin is on fire. Kia gets a few good shots in on Jason. Freddy tells Lori that the first time tends to get a little messy. Linderman attacks Jason with a flagpole, gets flung and impaled briefly. Lori wakes up and has Freddy. And now they’re in the real world. Freddy’s expression is priceless.

So the guys have at it. Once again, the 2-3 extra inches in height wouldn’t have made that scene any better, but you know, fuck Kane Hodder, he only did the role magnificently. And Ken also did good by the way. It’s the fucking principle of everything.

Here’s another oddity. Why is Freddy so tough? Given his age and smaller stature, he is able to endure a shitload of fuck, thank you Angry Video Game Nerd for that line and all of your years of amazing videos. I salute you. Kia is tending to a very hurt Linderman. Linderman tells her to just go, and she says that she will be back as soon as she can. Poor Linderman. He’s dead…..I think.

Freddy is by Lori and Will. This is Kia’s time to shine and talk shit. “How sweet…Dark meat.” In 2021, he couldn’t have said that line. Fans of the franchise know that it’s a take from a line in part 4, I think. Kia buys them time. This is a good scene. Kia calls Freddy a faggot, and that upset a lot of people. I’m sorry, but I am going to defend it. At that time, it made sense. He just kinda said something racist and she is insulting his sexuality by using a derogatory term. At the time, it worked. And I will double down on this by asking this. How many other horror film franchises dedicated a whole film to homosexuality? So clearly the franchise supports that community. One comment shouldn’t damn them. I’m surprised VUDU hasn’t edited that line out thanks to cancel culture.

Kia refers to his butter knives. Her lines are on point here. She talks about his small thing and how Jason has a big thing. Jason then just flings her into a tree and kills her. Freddy is now attacking Jason. Lori is a jackass and insisting on staying to see Freddy die for killing her mom.

Oh man, the air tanks scene is really inventive. I found this whole thing great. Some rebar through Jason. And Freddy is now just having his way. He is pushing everything he can. But Jason is freeing himself and now Freddy is tangling upside down from some heavy-ass thing. Jason has Freddy. Freddy using the glove as much as possible. Jason gives zero fucks. They both get flung onto a dock. Jason is up and slices Freddy’s chest up. Lori and Will and spraying fuel on the dock. Freddy slices off Jason’s finger and now has the machete. He is double fisting Jason. Blades through the eyeholes, and now blades in his chest. But Jason rises. Lori sets the dock on fire. Jason may have just ripped out Freddy’s kidney, and right arm. Freddy buries the machete in Jason. Will and Lori run in slow motion. Then big boom from the fuel tank. Will and Lori dove underwater. Freddy and Jason are flung into the water from the big explosion. What will Jason do since he has such a crippling fear of water?

Lori and her terrible tattoo make it on the dock, as does Will. But there are footsteps approaching and it is Freddy with the machete. At the last seconds, Jason impales Freddy with his own gloved arm. Lori grabs the machete and decapitates Freddy. Freddy and Jason are both in the water. Jason slow fades deeper under. She tosses his machete in the water. Bitch, you ignorant. She and Will walk away.

The next day, we’re at the water and it is foggy. Jason emerges from the water, a take from Apocalypse Now. He has his machete in one hand and Freddy’s head in the other. Then Freddy looks at the camera and winks. We hear his laugh and Jason’s sound.

End Film

First of all (in a Charles Barkley voice), if you went into this and expected a definitive winner and ending to either icon, you should be embarrassed. They weren’t going to kill off either character in case they wanted to make sequels, and F vs J 2 was indeed discussed. Furthermore, we knew Jason certainly wasn’t losing thanks to Jason X taking place in the future. Of course, they don’t seem to care about logic, so I guess they could have.

I thought Lori and her story were lame. It felt way too similar to Nancy’s and the lack of creativity doomed her character from the get-go. She could have been nude all film and probably still bored me. But most of the other characters were quite good and had some development. I felt that Mark got killed too soon, but this was the big mid-film death.

Will wasn’t that exciting of a character either and should have had more anger issues, if we’re being realistic. He was framed for a murder that he didn’t commit. I would have liked Gibb to live longer, but her death and motivation for it all made sense.

And that is the thing. If you don’t include Jason’s crippling fear of water, this script makes sense, mostly. It has numerous callbacks to previous films. There are a lot of positive things happening. And I don’t give a fuck what anybody says, Kelly Rowland was really good in this. I was more impressed by her than any other actor, aside from Robert, of course. She defied the stereotypical female horror role and owned it.

I know a lot of people found this meh, maybe a little above average. This was significantly better than most slasher films. I can’t give this an 8. That water thing really annoyed me. A better story for the lead would have helped.

Final Rating – 7.6 – If Scream is a 7.8, this had to be lower, but just by a little. I know some are reading this and wondering if I lost my damn mind. Nope. This movie is fun as hell. Do you have a problem with being entertained? Are you against fun? This delivered as good as it could given the circumstances at the time, in my opinion.

Just take a minute and wonder how this would have been if Rob Zombie directed it, or Peter Jackso who was also offered the project. Rob’s vision would have taken this in weird places and a part of me is curious how the synopsis would have been. Peter Jackson could have potentially given us a better story for Lori, but I think his focus would have been more on special effects and wouldn’t have been an improvement over what we got. Lest we forget that he made The Frighteners and that wasn’t very good. It hasn’t aged well.

The rumor is that Kevin Bacon would like to be the next Freddy Kruger, and I do think that he has a great chance at pulling off the character. The guy can act when he is invested. Just look at Stir of Echoes. I think it is time to do another reboot and give Bacon a chance.

This will be my final Freddy or Jason film reviewed most likely for years, until a new one is made. And that gives me peace. I love both franchises. I am such a huge fan of both, although Freddy will always be my favorite. I have 4 various shirts with something to do with Jason, and 2 of them also feature Freddy. I have their Funkos, numerous dolls and figurines, and even a NoeS 3 framed movie poster. If it wasn’t for my mom starting me with horror, I never would have sought out these films. And without these films, I don’t think I would have the love for horror that I do. Freddy brought me back and got me hooked. I owe a lot to these films.

I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t leave you with one last link. Legendary Racks: The Top 12 Boobs of the “Friday the 13th” Franchise. I had nothing to do with this, but it feels super necessary. Do I need to label this as NSFW? The boobs are censored, but still, don’t be an idiot and look at this at work.

All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:

• New Line Cinema
• Avery Pix
• Crystal Lake Entertainment
• Sean S. Cunningham Films
• WTC Productions
• Yannix Technology Corporation

Please go find a copy and support the creators.