Before I go down the Friday the 13th rabbit hole, I just want to say that I am pissed off at the lawsuit with Victor Miller and Sean S. Cunningham. I see both sides of this. I think that Victor should have been given a small percentage. But it should be kept small. He wasn’t the genius that turned Jason into the star of the franchise, and without that decision, the franchise dies very quickly and then there is no franchise. I have heard negative things about both guys. But the truth is, this petty bullshit ruined a really solid Friday the 13th game over greed. We should be getting a big 40th anniversary Friday the 13th box set next year, but I doubt that we will. I just wish people would get their shit together and make more content for the fans. Without the fans, neither guy’s name has much value. So figure it out! I want you both to get your money and we want more Jason!
Okay, I have to start with a really simple question. The original film poster is ambiguous enough and makes plenty of sense. Why is the poster for my digital copy featuring the hockey mask? If you are familiar with the film, you may be wondering about this as well. Also, how man horror movies have this many likable characters? It’s a lost art form to have characters that you actively cheer for against the big bad. Also, just a fair head’s up, I think I got Marcie and Brenda confused early on thanks to the closed captioning. It incorrectly stated that Marcie was Brenda early on and my apologies. I get my shit together about 30 minutes in.
Camp Crystal Lake (1958)
We have some group sing-along. We hear the infamous killer sound as they look over the campers on their cots. Oh, the main guitar-playing girl is very pretty and eyeing this dude. They just walk off while the group starts singing about Tom Dooley. Our couple is going for some alone time. Their names are Barry and Claudette. Claudette is really beautiful. Shame that she isn’t going to last long. Someone sneaks up them and stabs Barry in the belly. Claudette lets out the first scream but in slow motion, she gets got. Debra S. Hayes is Claudette’s real name and she never acted in anything else. That is a damn shame.
Friday June 13 The Present (1980)
We see Annie who is walking/hiking/hoping to get a ride to Camp Crystal Lake. Annie is girl next door cute and pretty fun. Also, I love her shirt. I am a big fan of Annie. My grandmother lived near a Crystal Lake, so as a kid, I would obviously get excited when I would see the signs. Yes, I was a twisted little kid. My mom kept telling me it was a different Crystal Lake, but I kept trying to rationalize that maybe Jason would bounce from various Crystal Lakes.
Annie shows up in this diner and asks how far away camp is. The place kinda stops for a moment. One lady references Camp Blood. Enos is apparently heading that way and give her a ride part of the way. Enos is simply credited as Truck Driver on IMDB. He’s a big dude and he flirts slightly before Crazy Ralph gets in their face and tells them that they’ll never come back. As Annie gets in the truck, Enos puts his hands on her ass to give her a boost and Ralph rides away on his bicycle. Enos bitches about Ralph being a nuisance. Annie is going to be the cook for camp. Steve Christy didn’t tell her about the camp’s past. Enos suggests that she quit because it is jinxed. Aside from the Barry and Claudette murders, a boy drowned in 57, and the water was bad in 62. There were also some fires. Would that really be enough to make you leery 18 years later? I think I would be fine with it. Annie won’t quit and Enos calls her a dumb kid.
He drops her off at the Moravian Cemetary in Hope, NJ. Really, that is slightly ominous. I would have asked to be dropped off further down the road. That just seems like bad luck.
We meet Marci, Ned, and Jack (Kevin Bacon) while listening to some sweet banjo music. Steve is outside with a great head of hair, shirtless, cut off jean shorts, and a red bandana around his neck. He must get all the bitches. Alice comes out to help. Marci is pretty cute too in the late 70’s early 80’s, but she’s no Annie or Steve. Steve also has glasses and a stache. Steve is impressed and Alice’s drawing capabilities. Alice doesn’t really like it there. She may have to go back to California to straighten something out. Random shout out to AHS 1984. Steve and her used to be a couple, and he hopes to win her over in a week. Shit, it should only take minutes.
We meet Bill, and my goodness. He has on dirty white pants, no shirt, and red suspenders. He has a great head of hair too, but he is clean-shaven. Alice is livin’ the dream, I feel. Doesn’t Bill realize that those suspenders are going to leave tan lines? Steve is heading into town. Who is this other girl. Pausing, checking IMDB. Well, Hello Brenda. She is really pretty too. Ned decides to fire an arrow at the target that she is setting up. So that’s how you get into women’s pants. I was always a terrible shot.
Annie gets picked up by someone in a jeep. We don’t see who it is driving. They go past the turn for the camp. The driver isn’t slowing down. Ominous music plays and the Jeep accelerates. Annie jumps out and does like an overhead roll, which seems foolish. She also hurt her leg. Time for a girl to run through the woods. You know how this goes. Yup, she just fell. This sucks because Annie is my favorite character in this. But it was the right decision to do this. Annie is spooked and the person slits Annie’s throat. BOOOOO! That’s the right decision to kill off the most likable character. It doesn’t mean that I am happy about it. I would have enjoyed her in a bikini.
Speaking of swimwear, Kevin Bacon is wearing something far too small for a man. It is basically underwear. The killer seems everybody frolicking out on the dock. Brenda saw something from afar but is dismissed. Jesus Kevin, we can see all of you, sir. Ned is panicking out in the water. He is screaming for help. They find him, bring him back on the dock, and this was all so Ned could get mouth to mouth from Brenda. That is a solid, head’s up play.
Alice is in her cabin and gets spooked by a black snake by her feet. In comes the whole brigade. Bill has the machete, so he gets my approval. This whole scene is pretty funny, actually. Kevin Bacon comes in with a shovel. Jack spooks the snake, Marcie is trying to use a pillow as a weapon.
Ned is making a spectacle of himself with an Indian headdress with feathers as Officer Dorf shows up on his bike. Ned really pushes the limits here, of foolishness. Dorf is a hilarious guy. “Can it, Cochise.” Jack wants to check out the bike and Dorf is accusing them of being stoned. He’s looking for Ralph. “I told you to sit on it, Tonto.” Dorf is probably my second favorite character with Ralph as my third.
Alice is putting away dishes, and the messenger of God, Ralph, was just hiding in the pantry. He tells them about how the place is cursed. “You’re doomed if you stay. Go! Go!” Ralph pedals away on his bike. Jack, Bill, and Marcie turn on the backup generator. I think that is in the F13 video game. Ned wanders alone, sees someone in a cabin and checks it out. Marcie is afraid of thunderstorms and has dreams about it and rain turns to blood, and Kevin Bacon dismisses her. Good stuff.
Jack and Marcie go into a cabin and hello half of Brenda’s ass. For 80’s panties, they are quite nice. Late 80’s panties are awful. Bill is hanging out with Brenda and Alice. Brenda wants to play a strip variation of Monopoly and she insists on being the shoe. Jack and Marcie are having a little Bump & Grind, and I don’t see nothing wrong with that. Above them is Ned who also has his throat slit. “I’m not allowed to pass Go with a glow.” says Alice. There we go, Marcie’s left boob. F13th has always provided for us a little T & A. I mean, we just saw Kevin Bacon shirtless, again.
I’m pretty sure the Monopoly players are drinking stubby Budweisers. Marcie went to go to the bathroom. Jack is laying and resting, some blood drips on his face. Suddenly, he gets a poker through his throat. Time to deal with Marcie in the bathroom and someone is joining her. Allllright. Marcie hears something but sees nothing. Still in her underwear though. She keeps hearing stuff, so now she is wondering if it’s possibly Ned. I don’t have a sense of adventure so I’d have just bailed. She is going to check the showers though. We see an axe shadow. She turns around and axe to the face.
Brenda just lost her shirt. Alice is about to lose her shirt, but the wind blows the door open. Brenda is down to her bra and panties, but fears that she left her windows open in her cabin. So she runs off in a raincoat.
At the diner with Steve and Sandy, the waitress. Sandy is very flirty. I like Steve’s shirt. Steve leaves, and it is pouring. Brenda is now in the bathroom. I don’t enjoy her underwear as much as Marcie’s. The color is fine, I have shoes that are almost the same color, but the design was bland. Now she is hearing shit. She isn’t as adventurous, and she just walks away. Good call! Steve’s jeep won’t start now. The police show up. The officer gives Steve a ride back to camp.
Brenda is at a desk and the killer is right outside the window, whoever that may be. Brenda now has on one of those full-length nightgowns. How the hell does anybody wear them to sleep? I couldn’t handle it. She hears a girl say “Help me!” Now, I have to assume that you know who the killer is. So how is she hearing a girl screaming “Over here. Someone, please help me!”? There aren’t any kids there. Was it a ghost of some kind? Someone turns on the floodlights by the archery range. Brenda is soaked, and looks kinda cold.
Alice heard a scream. It sounded like Brenda. Bill checked the generators. The floodlights are off. Bill and Alice are gonna check on Brenda. The find the slightly bloody axe. I love how axe always shows up as a misspelled word when writing these things. Do you realize how many movies I watch have an axe? Bill and Alice are still checking shit out. They break into the Office building. The phone is dead. We see that the phone line is cut. Now the truck won’t start. Alice wants to just hike out of there, but Bill is trying to be the voice of reason.
Per the officer, when there is a full moon, there is far more criminal activity. The officer is Sgt Tierney. He gets a call to help with a car accident, so he has to drop Steve off. At least it stopped raining. Steve meets up with somebody and then appears to be attacked, possibly. Now the generator has been turned off. Bill is gonna check on the generator to see if it ran out of gas. Well, that’s it, right? Game over, man, game over!
Bill is at the generator now. I have often wondered if Bill was Alice’s side piece. I don’t think that it is confirmed in the film. Alice wakes up. Like seriously, how the fuck long could she have been sleeping? This is kind of a lousy kitchen to have to make food for 50 people. Alice just found a very dead Bill and she’s screaming. She locks herself into a cabin. I think her screaming woke up my upstairs neighbors, but they’re assholes, so I’m cool with that.
Alice is doing a good job of barricading the door. Props to her for that. But with so many windows, does it matter? Any secondary entrances? Ohhh, a lantern and a bat. That’s a good combination, to give yourself away. Brenda just got tossed in through a window. Alice sees Jeep’s headlights. She thinks it is Steve, naturally. Nope, it is Mrs. Voorhees, an old friend of the Christy family. Mr.s Voorhees tries to calm Alice down.
Mrs. Voorhees now has a speech about Jason and how he wasn’t being watched. This is such a good heel turn. Betsy Palmer is so good in this. Today is Jason’s birthday. Now the truly dark turn occurs. Now the fight scene and Alice goes on the run. Alice just found Annie in the Jeep. Oh, there’s Steve suddenly dropping from the tree at that very specific moment. How you explaining that? I guess Betsy could have been the “Help me” voice. It just sounded odd to me. I know you are all thinking that it was obviously her. Mrs. Voorhees starts up the generator and Alice is looking for bullets. Well, Alice was bad at hiding. She quickly gave up her weapon and is tossing dainty objects her way. Oh man, those are some vicious slaps.
This duel between these two is highly underrated in the world of horror. It’s a pretty fair match up. I love that Mrs. Voorhees speaks for Jason with the whole “Kill her mommy” stuff. Alice has now turned off the lights of a cabin that Mrs. Voorhees knew was lit before. Then the stupid hiding spot. I always cheer when somebody gets hurt in the hiding spot. You have opportunities to run. Oh, the door handle wiggled, o Alice lets out a huge gasp. Smart. Frying pan beats knife this time around.
Alice decided to wait by the water. She sees the reflection in the water. Now we are using oars as weapons. This fight is better than most women’s matches in WWE. Uh oh, slow-motion Alice decapitates Mrs. Voorhees with the machete (I think it was a machete). Tranquil music plays as Alice decides to just get in a canoe and go out into the lake. Well, why would she do that if she killed the killer?
It’s now daytime, and I think Sgt Tierney sees her. Then the big scare of Jason rising out of the water and pulling Alice into the lake. She wakes up in a hospital bed. Sgt. Tierney is there and informs Alice that her folks are heading there and that everybody got got. She asks about Jason. They didn’t find any boy. Alice has really pretty eyes. She says that Jason must still be there.
End Film
So here’s something that I have never been thrilled about. Alice was a really bad pick for the final girl. Now, in this case, the killer was a female, so the traits of the final girl didn’t have to exist. My bigger overall issue is that they barely built up Alice’s character. Think about her character development compared to many other characters. I can easily say that I knew more about Steve, Jack, Marcie, Brenda, Annie, Ralph, Enos, Ned, and Mrs. Voorhees. Bill and Alice were the two main characters that we got to know the least. I may have a better idea of who Officer Dorf is after one scene than I do about Alice. That is a major flaw and it’s never discussed and I don’t know why. For a film that does an unusually great job with developing characters, why were the final two so underdeveloped?
Aside from that complaint, this film was really great. The kills were tame by today’s standards. One could argue that Steve’s body dropping down at that precise moment was silly, and I would say it is very silly. Still, this was really good. We had no idea who was the killer and they gave her a great reason for being vengeful. This is a must-watch if you like horror in any capacity.
Final Rating: 7.6 – I had to deduct because the final girl wasn’t given much development.
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