The commercials actually intrigued me. That’s usually my weakness is a decent, misleading trailer. Let’s see how disappointed I can be by the end of the night!!
Oh god no, handheld cam. Please no more!!! October 29, 1993, this takes place. You peasants, you dare not do it in 1992? I am deducting a point right off the bat. So there was a high school play, some boy got sentenced to be hung, and so he hung, in real life.
Modern-day and this high school is doing the same play. Reese is our lead actor guy. Pfeifer is the lead girl. Oh god, does this have to be handheld? Ryan is our cameraman. Oh, the play is called The Gallows. The guy who died is named Charlie. Some hot blonde is named Cassidy. This Ryan guy is an obnoxious, talk shit to everybody and be a disrespectful asshole. I want to like him, but he isn’t even funny. He is just going around being a douche to all people in the play.
20 minutes in and Ryan has decided to break in the school and fuck with the stage and set for this play. so him, Cassidy, and Reese come to school at night. I wish I had more of an update, but I don’t. They are dicking around and hear a noise, so they go hiding, Well, it was Pfeifer, as she saw Reese’s car in the parking lot. How convenient. So the assumption is that Cassidy dies first, but then dos Reese or Ryan makes more sense as the lesser important character, but I think he makes for the best final death. Cassidy wants to leave, but now the door to the parking lot isn’t working. None of the doors are opening. The bitches are all like, guys get the door open, and the guys are trying. Cassidy tells Pfeifer that they came to break the set. Hey, the noose is back up, everything is back the way it should. Wow…..this had a theatrical release. Really?
Reese’s dad was in the cast of the original play when Charlie died. Ryan got lynched. Also, Ryan has locker #93. What a tweest!!! Cassidy just got dragged away in Paranormal Activity quick pull essence. They set off the fire alarm I think. That seems smart. Charlie was just behind Pfiefer.
Well, I gave up. Cassidy and Ryan both die. Then Pfeifer gets Reese on stage in the noose like the play and we see Charlie behind, and then Reese gets lynched. There.
End Film
Well, as my favorite internet personality, The Angry Video Game Nerd would say, that was a shit load of fuck. I ALMOST talked myself into seeing this in the theater. I would have been livid to pay for a ticket to found footage. I don’t want anymore found footage. PLEASE, just stop with it. And how dare they mention horror icons during the trailer. These people should be arrested for that sort of bullshit hype. I don’t need 40 minutes of bullshit story before I get to the “scares”. That’s why I really liked The Taking of Deborah Logan, it had a nice balance all the way through, same with The Den. I am so over movies that give too much of a boring story before they get to the good shit. Give me the bare basics and let’s do this. You better have a great story to tell if you are gonna story tell for over 30 minutes in the intro.
Final rating: 2.5
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- New Line Cinema (presents)
- Blumhouse Productions (as Blumhouse)
- Entertainment 360
- Tremendum Pictures
Please go find a copy and support the creators.