I admit this film is a very bad guilty pleasure of mine. It is from M. Night Shyamalan and stars Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, and John Leguizamo. I know it’s not good, but whatever, humor me. Out of M Night’s films, I have maybe only seen Signs and Devil more than this, and Devil wasn’t even directed by Sham.
Start Film
We start in Central Park in NYC at 8:33 AM. 2 women are sitting and reading and Claire forgot where she was. There’s a scream. People are clawing at themselves. People are stopped in their tracks. Claire is super confused and then stabs herself in the throat.
3 blocks from Central Park and we get some good construction worker jokes and a guy falls from way up high. People just keep falling. It’s craziness.
In a high school in Philadelphia, Mark Wahlberg is a science teacher and he’s talking about how scary it is that honey bees are disappearing. What I find scary is Mark Wahlberg as a teacher. There are forces at work beyond our understanding. The Vice Principal brings Elliot Moore (Walhberg) to the auditorium with the other teachers. There is an event happening. Do you get it? It’s happening. They say that Central Park was hit by a terrorist attack with airborne chemicals. The principal is the great Alan Ruck. He’s always a solid actor.
There are warning signs. The first stage is confused speech. the second stage is physical disorientation or a loss of direction. The third stage is fatal. Man, I am already in stage 2. They are going to dismiss the students. Awww shit, there’s Julian (John Leguizamo) and his mother keeps calling him in hysterics. He has had some good roles and some really bad ones, but Summer Of Sam is arguably his best work. Love that movie. He’s a math teacher. His mom invited Elliot and Alma to get out of the city and stay there. Julian is gonna go pick up Juliette and Evette and Alma is acting weird. She may be leaving Elliot. Julian says that Alma was never really ready for the wedding. Some people never are.
Alma (Zooey) gets a call from Joey (M Night). She doesn’t answer it. NYC is being evacuated. There’s a new neurotoxin that is preventing the brain from self-preservation. Joey calls again and she hangs up on him.
The toxin is a natural compound. Elliot, Alma, Julian, and Julian’s daughter, Jess, all meet at the train station. Alma doesn’t want to sit with Elliot. She’s all overly sensitive.
Outside, craziness takes place. An officer shoots himself. Guy gets out of the car and shoots himself. Everybody is stopped in their tracks. A woman picks up a gun and shoots herself. This shit is great. Alma is giving Joey the business for being a crazy stalker. Philly is now under attack. Julian calls his wife, Evette. It started at Rittenhouse Park. Why didn’t Parks and Rec do an episode parodying this. Hahaha, Boston got hit up too. Screw Boston!
The train just suddenly stops, train service is being discontinued. They are in Filbert, PA. Elliot is asking questions. They apparently lost contact with everyone. The video at the Philadelphia Zoo is awesome. A guy just feeding himself to lions. Oh, now they aren’t sure that it is a terrorist attack. It’s not likely. It’s happening in the Northeast. Now the power goes out. Panic ensues. Everybody takes off in their cars, the locals that do have cars. So Elliot found a nice older couple that will give all rides. Julian wants to ride with another vehicle heading toward where Evette is Julian is gonna leave Jess with Elliot and Alma. All this sad overacting is awesome. Bye-bye Julian, nice to know you.
Okay, so this guy is just credited as Nursery Owner and his wife. I’m gonna call him Dick and his wife Kate. There, much easier to make up names. Dick thinks that the plants are responsible for this. Retard alert! Dick loves hot dogs.
Julian has made it to Princeton. There are a lot of people that hung themselves. One lady is freaking out. Julian’s solution is to give her a math riddle. They close the vents, but the air is getting in through a small slit in the roof. Julian knows they are fucked. The jeep comes to a stop and then rams into a tree head-on. Julian survived, but gets out and sits on the ground. He slits his wrists with the broken glass.
Back to our main group. There are a bunch of bodies in the road. They need to back it up. As if there is an invisible barrier from a 20th of a mile away. Fucking hilarious. PVT Auster approaches them at the intersection. He tells them not to go that way. There are 4 paths and all of them seem bad. Joey keeps calling. Haha. So everybody congregates at this intersection. A lady is talking to her daughter in Princeton and she goes crazy on the phone. The acting isn’t great, but the scenario is quite good. Jess and Elliot have a good cry.
Dick is stuffing his mouth with a hot dog. Dick talks about how plants can communicate with other plants and can do all kinds of crazy shit. PVT Auster says that they should go to a less populated area as a safe zone. They are doing it in 2 groups. Alma admits that she had dessert with Joey one night and Elliot is upset. Really dude? The wind is blowing. The first half of one group has now lost their shit, including PVT Auster and he is like 10 steps ahead of Dick and Kate. Elliot is trying to figure out this as an experiment. Elliot suggests the plants see humans as threats when too many people are together. “Let’s just stay ahead of the wind.” And then it gets windy. Hahahaha. Here comes the wind. Time to break up into 3 smaller groups of maybe 5 people each. “Here it comes!”
This movie is fucking brilliant. Okay, the wind died down. It must have been the size of the groups. Also, they have two teenage boys: Jared and Josh with them. You should take a shot every time the team “happening” is said. I think it’s 4 so far. They find an abandoned pickup truck. Elliot listens to the radio. A woman is blaming nuclear power plants in the northeast. They find a house nearby. He just said happening again!!! Time for the girls to go pee together. The plant inside this house is moving so Elliot tries to talk to it. And the plant is plastic. Everything in the house is fake, including food and computer, maybe even the toilet!!
Uh oh, 2 groups are coming together and then they stop and go crazy. I guy starts a big ass lawn mower machine and lays down in front of it. Jared and Josh are giving Elliot relationship advice, haha. They are a great addition to the group. They found a radio. They are suggesting that people in the northeast head west. They find another house. I don’t like it here. Jess is swinging on a tree swing. Elliot isn’t happy. There’s someone in this house. This dude doesn’t want them to come inside. Josh yells at the dud. The guy opens the door and shoots Josh and then Jared. Damn. I didn’t like this house.
Jess makes a run for it. That guy was super cereal. In West Virginia, we see two older ladies watching TV with gas masks on. Haha. Then a family in Florida all in a bathtub.
Sadly, there are only close to 20 minutes remaining. That makes me a sad panda. They found a house with no power and an old lady outside. She’s rude but also kind. She offers them dinner. This house is nice. This lady is having a good laugh and that slaps Jess’ hand for trying to get more food. Mrs. Jones doesn’t want to hear about what is happening. This is one strong will independent lady.
Alma doesn’t like Mrs. Jones. I think they’ll be fine She accuses them of planning on stealing from her or murdering her. But then still allows them to spend the night. Elliot wakes up and can’t find anyone. He finds a doll in bed. That’s not creepy at all. She accuses him of trying to steal. He said happening. She tells him to leave, NOW! She goes outside and there’s the wind and Mrs. Jones is acting weird. Nice.
The question is, where are Alma and Jess? Mr.s Jones is stalking around the house, and now pounding on the walls outside. She headbutts a window. Oh no, she is letting the wind in. He can still hear Alma and Jess and they’re in the other house and that’s why he could hear them. So the ladies are in one house and he’s in another. This is an old house and they have speaking tubes for back in the slavery days.
It’s too dangerous to go outside. I think they should take their chances. Now they’re talking about when they first met. See, they should have just gone outside and ended the movie here. There you go, Elliot. If he’s gonna die, he wants to be with her. I approve of taking the chance. The girls come out too. The girls both appear to be wearing less and he is wearing more. They hold hands and go back inside.
Three months later, everything is fine and Jess lives with Alma and Elliot. A TV show with a doctor is trying to explain this event. Alma, are you taking a pregnancy test? Sure are. And she’s pregnant. She meets Elliot outside and they’re happy.
In France, it happens again.
End Film
So Wahlberg didn’t like the film. M Night realizes that he was inconsistent and pointed to a film like The Blob that remained campy the whole time. And I think that is a problem for many viewers. How serious are you supposed to take this?
My thing is, I was already down on M Night by this time, as were many people. And the acting was mediocre, at best. Wahlberg and Zooey had no chemistry on screen. Jess was there but never doing much. That isn’t her fault. The side characters were the most likable aspect of this. And in a way, it shined brightly once you get past the 2 leads. I can’t speak on Zooey as an actress, I haven’t seen much to fairly critique her. Wahlberg is a very competent actor when given a role that he can sink his teeth into. This wasn’t it.
I still think that this movie is fun. The idea is crazy. The violence is excellent. M Night got the R Rating and just went for it. If you look at this as a fun B movie, you can almost find some hidden genius here. Most people will disagree with me. I accept that. I know that this isn’t a great movie, but damnit, it entertains me, and that counts!
Final Rating – 5.9 – I can’t give it a 6, we all know that. But I can go this high for being entertained so many times. Am I giving it too much credit? Mayhaps I am. But I am not throwing this on some list to get reactions. This is just my personal take on it knowing that it’s unpopular.
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Twentieth Century Fox (presents) (as Twentieth Century Fox)
- UTV Motion Pictures (in association with)
- Spyglass Entertainment (in association with)
- Blinding Edge Pictures
- Dune Entertainment (made in association with)
Please go find a copy and support the creators.