I just found out that this is on Netflix, and I know you sick fucks want a rundown, so let’s do this!!!
So far, we have terrible acting, Tiny Lister, and a warden of a prison named Bill who wants respect. He also nails Bree Olsen. Bree Olsen is gorgeous. Bill is a big fan of the previous 2 Human Centipede movies. Well, he didn’t like a prisoner talking shit, so he cut his balls out of his scrotal sack, told his assistant Dwight to get them fixed medium rare, and he covered himself in the blood of the balls. Oh, and Eric Roberts is like the Governor.
I have so many issues with this already. The main character is terribly awful. I don’t understand him. I don’t get his motivation. When Bree Olsen is one of your better actors, well you have an issue, no disrespect to her. Dwight is probably the best actor so far. Dwight tells Bill that to get respect and cause a crime deterrent, to make a human centipede. Bill acted like a dick, Dwight quits.
He runs his mouth outside on the megaphone. He is in the cafeteria and is surrounded by inmates. So Mr. No Balls wants to cut a hole in his kidney and fuck it, and he says that it feels good. this is………all just a dream. Tom Six is there to meet Bill, and Dwight shows up. So Bill, Dwight, Tom Six, and a doctor talk about making the human centipede, and how to not maim them so when they get released, they aren’t too damaged. Sigh.
So, just in case you didn’t recognize them, Bill is the Dr. in the original Human Centipede, and Dwight is Martin, the main asshole from the sequel. Zeus just bitchslapped Bree and is choking her. Bill and Dwight ran like cowards during the riot, as was to be expected.
Bill gets help brought in, he is able to sedate and restrains all the prisoners. One of the prisoners has Crohn’s Disease. Daisy is also in this infirmary. She looks rough. She’s knocked out, but Bill still plans to make her squirt. Good for him. He also shot 2 guys dead. Good for him.
The surgery stuff, thanks for all the gratuitous man ass shots. I appreciate that, Guys. The Governor is there, he wants to fire Bill and Dwight, so time to show him what he created. Zeus is the head of the centipede. Even Daisy is part of it. He also made a human caterpillar where arms and legs are removed, those are the ones on death row. One guy is due to be released, but he will be forever marked with the scars on his face. The Governor says that he is fucked.
Bill is pissed about the Governor’s reaction. The surgeon comes in, he is stoked. Bill shoots him. The Governor has a change of heart and says that this is ingenious, and this may get him elected as president. Dwight is proud because it was his idea. Bill asks him for a hug and then shoots Dwight in the head of course. Bill is in a watchtower, on his megaphone, and he’s just loudly growling I guess, while the Star-Spangled Banner plays.
End film
Let’s really hope that this is the end of the franchise. I won’t at any point say that these films were good, but the first one genuinely was not that bad, for their specific genre. It had characters, a story, the acting was fine. Then it devolved to part 2 which wasn’t that good, to be honest. Sure there were parts that were interesting or well done, but it got worse. Now we are at the bottom of the barrel. This simply doesn’t have many redeemable qualities. There’s no good story, the acting is so bad it’s bad. Sorry, intentionally going for something so outrageous and trying to go for so bad it’s good often fails. Really, I could have forgiven the acting had the story been there. Seriously, after 100 minutes I can say this: A deranged prison warden hates his prisoners, wants to punish them and get respect from the governor, so he agrees to make a human centipede out of prisoners. There, that’s it.
Final rating: 1.8 This didn’t work for me on any level.
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