I have heard great things about this, so fingers crossed.
A girl comes running out of her house with like PJ’s on. A lady asks if she is ok, but she is scared. Her dad asks, she says that she’s fine. The house # is 1492. Her name is Annie. She runs back inside, now back out and into the car, and off she goes. She looks petrified. We see her out on the beach. She calls her dad to say how much she loves her, and this is at night. The next day, she is quite dead and one of her legs is bent the wrong way. I approve.
Jay is in the pool and Kelly talks to her about Jay going out tonight with Hugh. I think it is safe to assume that they are sisters. 2 young boys are checking her out. Good job boys. What the fuck is this girl using as a reading device? It was like a compact but an E-reader. Am I too old school to think that is obnoxious? Paul was the guy’s name. Jay is dressed very nice.
Jay is on her date with Hugh. They play a silly game. Hugh sees a girl in a yellow dress that Jay didn’t see. He wants to leave as he is creeped the fudge out. OK, so she talks with her sister. At night Jay and Hugh go out and he had like 3 or 4 beers we can assume. They go back to the car to make out and hookup. Good for him. This is one of the worst sex scenes ever. Have we learned nothing from the 80’s people??? So she is in the back seat and he is at the trunk. She just rambles on and on. So he gets on top of her back, and I said that he should donkey punch her. Instead, he smothered her face with a rag. Bravo. That makes up for the lousy sex scene.
Hugh has her tied up to a wheelchair outside under a bridge. She is awake and he is with her. He tells her that this thing is going to follow her. He passed it on to her. It can look like anybody, friend or stranger, but there is only 1. They both see it, a very nude woman crossing the train tracks. He tells her that she has to pass it on. So one pair of boos. It doesn’t even want him. He says to never go in one place with only one exit. Logical.
Back at Jay’s place, we have Kelly, Paul, and the other girl who I don’t know her name. Looking at the cast list, I think her name is Yara. Jay’s man drops her off on the street outside her house, and he tells her not to let it touch her. He left her wrists tied together. Well played sir. Of course, the cops and EMT’s are there. She is getting asked all the questions, and now she is in the hospital. And now she is home. Hugh used a fake name to get a place in town.
Jay stands in front of a mirror in bra and panties, staring at her crotch region. We are in school with Jay while some lady, I assume the teacher, reading some story/poetry. She said marmalade. Jay is looking outside for any weirdos outside, and sure enough, there’s an old woman approaching, and this is college. She walks out of class, much to the teacher’s chagrin. Nobody sees the old lady, soooo yeah, bitch get to stepping. So, she needs to screw somebody and pass it on. If she dies, it comes back after him.
At night, Paul spends the night and he is on the couch. Jay comes out and sits with him. They get talking. Now just rape him. A window in the kitchen just broke. Paul goes to get Kelly, and Jay goes to the kitchen, and there is a girl with one breast out, fucked up teeth, one sock, oh and she is pissing herself. Fascinating. #2 boob at least. She screams, locks herself in her room. She lets Paul and Kelly in. Yara comes to the door, and there is a giant of a man following her. Jay takes off on her bike.
She ends up in the park and sits on a swing. Plenty of exits here. What could go wrong? Paul and the girls find her. Some dude, Greg, who is a neighbor, comes to check on them. He is rocking the denim jacket. So he gets his car and the group all go for a ride to Hugh’s place, and she is just looking around.
They get there and he has cans on strings to notify him if anybody came in. Yara can die with her awful reader. Greg is checking her out. Paul has found porno mags, just like when he was young. In the mag, we see 3 pairs of breasts, bringing it up to 5. They find a high school pic of him, so time to do some sleuthing. Jay’s attire is awful, and she is standing next to a guy in a terrible denim jacket. So Hugh’s name is really Jeff. Greg puts his arm on Jay’s neck, to comfort her and Paul is jealous. They track Jeff down.
They sit in his mom’s yard in a circle. He explains how this all works. Jeff is incredibly paranoid. That amuses me. IT is always traveling a straight line toward her. Kelly has the eye for Greg. Paul looks mopey, like, “dammit, I’m never gonna get to tap dat ass”. Also, I’m absolutely digging the station wagon. They go up to Greg’s like summer, vacation home. Something like that. Greg now has a denim vest and gets a nice revolver. Jay is practicing shooting at cereal boxes. I will not stand for cereal abuse!!!! I veto it.
They are out on the beach, and Greg has on a sweet shirt. IT is back and grabs her hair. Paul hits IT with a chair, and he gets bitch slapped. She shoots at it. It falls but gets up. They lock themselves in a little shed. Poor Greg is all kinds of confused. IT follows. She gets in the station wagon and takes off, leaving her friends behind. SHe crashes in some cornfield. Malachai will be pissed. She ends up in the hospital, looks like she broke her arm. Scooby and the gang are all there.
Being in a hospital is a bad place. Too many people, not enough exits. Heyyyyy, black people. Haven’t seen any of them in awhile. Greg is gonna get his freak on with Jay in the hospital bed. I mean good for her. She is not having a good time, he is digging that sweet poon. Greg doesn’t believe in this bulllllshit. Paul is jealous. I am hoping that at some point, “IT” is Jay’s mom.
It’s been 2 days, and he still hasn’t seen it. He stops by to check on Jay, but Kelly is like, nah. So Greg is like, cool G Unit. At night, she sees IT breaking into Greg’s house. She calls but to no avail. She goes to his house, and she sees his mom knocking on his door. He opens it, sees her tit, and it kills Greg. So up to 6 tits. Jay drives far far, far far away. She ends up on the beach and sees 3 guys on a boat. Time to get her game face going. What happens if she gets double penetrated? Who does it go after?
At home, we see her pool is fucked up. Paul stops by to say hello. Paul is like, you know, you can pass it on. I like you. Shot down!!! Poor Paul. I need to know if a handy J or a blowjob will work. She rejects him leaning in for a kiss. This poor schmuck. The gang all go to some pool where the teens hang out. Jay sees a nude guy up on her roof. She looked horrified. Me too. Yara just mentioned how she wasn’t allowed to the south of 8 Mile. Where’s Marshall Mathers? Shiiiiit, they are in Detroit. They need to lose themselves in the moment.
They are plugging in a ton of electronic devices, and are in the pool. Jay is in the pool. I don’t think Paul sleeps. It’s here. It is now tossing shit at Jay in the pool. It refuses to go in. I am cracking up. Did Paul just shoot Yara? Hahaha, yes he did. Oh, the amount of silliness is fabulous. Paul is shooting at while IT has Jay held underwater. They get her up. She crawls to see where it is, not stand or walk around the edge of the pool, nope, crawls. She sees a huge pool of blood. By the way, IT was Jay’s daddy.
Well, time to fuck Paul. Seriously, that is happening as I type. I don’t really get how this position is comfy. She is like thrusting into him. “Do you feel any different?” asks Paul. I wish she would have said, “Yeah, disgusted.” Later, Jay’s mom rubs Jay’s back. I still want the mom to turn evil. Paul is checking out Detroit’s finest hookers. I’d hit it.
In the hospital with Yara reading something stupid in the hospital bed, and Paul finally is sleeping. Paul and Jay are walking the sidewalk, somebody is following them. Maybe IT can get them both in one good swipe. Are they going to keep boinking? End film…….Wait, what, why? No, that’s not fair.
End film…….sigh
That was pretty good. I liked it. I wasn’t a fan of the ending. It is fine, and it’s not cliche. Like they didn’t put IT down for good like they know that they are fucked. I have so many sex-related questions. If they fuck more, will it pass back to her? That’s a hell of a way to make sure that your partner isn’t cheating on you, that’s for sure. This was a different take on The Ring, one of my all-time favorite scary movies. I do have to penalize it because of the ending, and Yara. Like, what purpose did she serve? And the mom character was fairly pointless. They failed to utilize the rules enough. Consider that the only time IT was somebody that a person knew was with Greg’s mom, and it was so quick. There was no deception. Just a really big, wasted opportunity. I also call bullshit that Jay dodged all that shit in the pool. I know I am running this movie down, but I did like it, a lot. But I critique to illustrate why I give The Ring a 9.0 and this gets a 6.3. Utilize your rules and really go for it. Spread it around. This has a lot of potential, but it felt condensed. It did make me want more, and for that, I give it props. I just know it could have been better, and that’s all I ever want is to get the maximum value out of a good idea.
Final rating: 6.3…I just explained why
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- Northern Lights Films (presents)
- Animal Kingdom (production)
- Two Flints (in association with)
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