I think I saw Joy Ride 2 once several years ago. I can’t imagine that this is good compared to the original. I feel like I actually reviewed this years ago, but I can’t find it. Oh well, There’s nobody super famous in this, like Paul Walker. So just sit back and enjoy.
Start Film
Is it bad that I wasn’t sure if this first girl was actually a female or not? She wants a ride with Rusty Nail. She offers $75 to fuck, $50 for a BJ, and $25 for a handy J. And she shows her tits. I like this character. Will she last more than 3 minutes? I doubt it. Thankfully, Rusty tells her to remove the wig because she looks prettier without the wig. He locks her in and tells her that if she wants out, she can climb out the window. Halfway through, he traps her with the window and then drives so she beheads herself. I bet that is the best part of this whole film. Is a window that strong? Anybody wanna test this out?
Okay, so we have Kayla, Melissa, and Bobby in a car on their way to Vegas. Melissa and Bobby are going to get married, and this dude making out with Kayla is Nik. Melissa is a total pain in the ass, so she will be the final girl because Kayla is one who is more full of life. Nik wants to take side roads instead of the main highway. smart. And now they have car problems. The engine has seized. I don’t like any of these characters.
They find a house in the middle of bumfuck with mail that is over a month old. Really, I can’t tell which guy is worse, and what’s worse is how they are both worse than the female characters. Bobby is the alpha angry guy, and Nik is the polar opposite, and both are annoying. Nik is a fucking man child with his terrible sense of humor. Nik has to die first, right?
They just found a really nice covered car and it has the keys. It is fully gassed. They’re gonna borrow it for a joy ride. Get it? Please, take it. You’ll never guess who’s house this was. I’ll help, it was Rusty Nail’s house. This movie got a 5.1 IMDB…how? Nik would have gotten talked to by someone by this point for his behavior. Combination bachelor and bachelorette parties sound totally fucking retarded.
Melissa gets a call from Rusty. He calls her Goldilocks. She thanks him for not going to the police. He said that he expects the same because now he has Bobby. And now we have the plot of the film. Also, I like what she is wearing, but the brown doesn’t look good with the pink and purple.
Rusty sends her a test image of Bobby and he is tied up. Rusty makes her drive over their cell phones. Melissa is a jackass. Rusty does tell her not to separate and follow his instructions. Earlier, Kayla flipped off Rusty, and he wants Kayla’s freshly cut-off finger. He wants Mel to bring it to him so they can meet.
Well, they went to a morgue, got a finger. It’s night and they meet head to head in their vehicles. Rusty asks Mel to get out and strip to her underwear. I like her style of panties, and she matches. That’s all very important. She then approaches the door, and it’s not Rusty. It’s the funniest guy in the whole franchise though. He was recording it and wants to put the strip on YouTube. This guy is so fucking hilarious. I have to quote him.
“Your titties are too small anyways. I like them super mongo jugs. Yea, you heard me; circus boobs!”
Rusty didn’t keep his end of the bargain because Kayla got a dead finger and not a freshly cut one. So Rusty left Bobby’s ring finger in the glove compartment.
Rusty goes to a bar, and the owner is kind of a dick. All Rusty is trying to do is buy cigs. The owner is outside and sees Bobby trying to get attention. Rusty comes from behind with a chain and cuts off the owner’s lower jaw. He tells Bobby that he may have to play a game. Does Rusty know Tobin Bell? Rusty wants Mel to get him some crystal meth.
They go to this place where they race big rigs at night. Is this really a thing? Rusty tells them to check the trunk. Hey, it’s the hooker’s wig and heels. Rusty tells Nik that he needs to go out dressed like a tranny. Nik refuses to help. Mel pulls a scalpel on Nik because he wants to bail. He’s afraid that the truckers will kill him. Nik’s tattoos are fake and he’s crying like a little bitch.
The sad thing is, Nik looks almost as bad as a hooker. The wig is just so bad. Hahaha, Rusty just kidnapped Nik too. Now there’s a vehicular chase. Why can’t the car go faster than his truck? Why was he able to somehow ram the girls from behind in a way that popped the back end up and then ram it in midair to flip it? Seriously, what the fuck?
Well, the girls look like shit. Kayla is cutting Mel free. Rusty is gonna run them over and they have to bail at the last moment. Kayla’s leg is pinned. She can’t escape. He shredded through that car like it was precut. Would a car just split in half like that? So Mel has sacrificed her sister’s life for a small chance to save Bobby and Nik.
Rusty brings the boys back to his house. Rusty wants them to play a game. Nik rolls a 5, Which means Bobby takes it in the kneecap. Bobby’s roll, it’s a 7. 7 is safe. Nik rolls a 4, and that is chest. I think Bobby is gonna get branded with an R. Owwwww, that looked rough. Bobby rolls snake eyes. Rusty puts the wig on Nik. He takes a piece of rebar and puts it through Nik’s head vertically. Best kill of the film, no doubt, considering we’ve only had 3.
Melissa breaks into a bike shop so she can go riding through this world like a member of SAMCRO. Rusty is dragging to the back of the trailer. He’s put a chain around Bobby’s neck and hoisted him up. He’s not getting lynched, but would still suck. Mel shows up. She whacks him repeatedly with a shovel, doesn’t kill him, and chooses to toss the shovel instead. And now he’s getting up and she is trying to drive his truck. Hahaha, the trailer was never attached, so Bobby is stuck there in the trailer. And also there’s a lightning storm and Rusty is on top of the truck and broke the window and he’s trying to fuck her up. Slam on the breaks you half-wit. Nope. She keeps driving. Rusty fell off the top, but he’s on the back now. Bobby finally escaped and it’s now morning. The sun came up pretty fucking fast. She drives through an oil tank. The truck is on fire, Rusty is in the truck and rides off the cliff, exploding in midair, because why the fuck not? If you’re gonna go big with a truck crash and fire, may as well explode it too. How could Rusty have possibly survived that mess? She finds his chain wallet and kicks it off the cliff. NOW it’s over. It wasn’t until that moment.
Oh god damnit, there’s still more. Some girl on the side of the road and a big rig drives by. She calls him an asshole, so he reverses. It’s Rusty and his very burned arm. He tells her to get in. She’ll catch her death out there.
End Film
God damnit. They really changed the tone of the franchise, which is fine. You often have to when making a sequel and kind of think of the lowest common denominator. I am okay with that. What I don’t care much for is how bad Nik and Bobby were as characters. You can have one that bad, but Bobby could have been much better. Horrible characters are fun when you actively get to see them tortured or hunted. In this case, it didn’t have that pacing or urgency, so I would have preferred “nicer” characters. Give me 4 Jehova’s Witnesses traveling to their big yearly convention. Who is opposed to that?
Rusty may be at his best here. He truly is the saving grace of this film and keeps it mildly entertaining. The shallow characters and some pacing issues just didn’t do it for me. Sorry.
Final Rating – 4.3 – It was watchable, but I groaned too often to want to watch it again without some drinking game in place.
- 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment (presents)
- JR Canada Productions
- Twentieth Century Fox (copyright holder)
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