I know The Langoliers isn’t great. A lot of people would call The Langoliers below average. I call The Langoliers nostalgic happiness in the form of a mini-series that never truly knew what it was doing. In the same way that I find charm in The Happening, I do derive joy from this mess. It has a solid cast. I don’t know why Patricia Wettig is top-billed in this, but she plays Laurel Stevenson. Dean Stockwell (Al in Quantum Leap) plays Bob Jenkins, David Morse (Shawshank Redemption, Green Mile, The Negotiator) as Brian Engle, Frankie Faison (Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, and Red Dragon) as Don Gaffney, Tom Holland (writer of Child’s Play and Fright Night and director of The Langoliers) as Harker, and Bronson Pinchot (cousin Balkie in Perfect Strangers) as Craig Toomy. That’s not too bad, right?
This feels so dated. I know the special effects were horribly dated in 95. If it came out in say, 1987, it may have felt timely. Anyway, let’s have fun with The Langoliers.
Start Film
See, here’s the problem, they’re all getting on a flight to Boston. That’s your first mistake. There’s a pressure leak in the plane, and they know about it beforehand. Brian is our captain and his ex-wife Annie just died in a fire. Well, Brian is taking a red-eye flight instead, so no pressure leak. They are coming from California. Craig Toomy is already making things fun. The blind girl, Dinah, I feel bad for her. She was not given good direction, but she grew up and is really attractive. The world has a way of sometimes correcting itself.
Dinah wakes up and she can’t find anyone on the plane, but she finds a wig. Dinah is really irritating. So the few people remaining all meet up in the middle of the plane. Toomy was telling them to shut the brat up. Toomy is a hero! Basically, everyone that was sleeping are now on this mysterious flight. Nick is the handsome man with nice hair that is a real doer.
Bob is the smart one, observing and looking for clues. He’s trying to solve the mystery, so he’s the smart one. God damnit, Toomy is so bossy and a total dick. He likes to yell at Brian a lot. Nick threatens to put Toomy to sleep, so Toomy attacks, so Nick grabs Toomy by the nose and man, that looked painful.
It sure is convenient that they happen to have a pilot onboard since all the flight crew is missing. And what else is weird is that the missing people left behind not only jewelry but surgical pins, pacemakers, etc. This seems like a good time to note the other people on board. We have Albert Kaussner who is a violinist and Bethany Sims who is on her way to drug rehab. I think she is supposed to be the hot one. I almost forgot Rudy Warwick who likes to eat but is still sleeping currently.
Brian can’t make contact with anybody via radio. There appear to be no lights, no civilization. Brian makes the decision to not go to Boston but instead go to Bangor, Maine. Smart. Stephen King will feel more comfortable there. He had no business being in Los Angeles. Toomy is super pissed about not going to Boston since he has a business meeting at 9 AM. Now everybody wants to punch Toomy. Toomy sees everybody with weird melted faces and Dinah senses something off with Toomy. He seems like he is legitimately having fun in this role.
Toomy relaxes by tearing paper. Rudy really wants food. Dinah says that everybody looks like monsters to Toomy. Bob is making the correlation that everybody was asleep when this incident occurred. Hey, an upstate New York reference! Dinah asks Laurel why she lied about the reason that she’s going to Boston, meet a man. I am now realizing where I recognize Laurel, she was Billy Crystal’s woman in City Slickers. Bethany is whiny. She’s our Fran Goldsmith in this Stephen King tale. Albert is getting a clue just listening to her talk. Albert, you’d be better off if you had some cocaine to offer her.
It’s about time to land this sumbitch. The acting is very rigid here. Everyone is scared, Albert makes his move to sit next to Bethany. HAHAHAHA. In the midst of the turbulence, once shot Bethany has taken off her vest and shows off her bright green shirt, 2 seconds later the vest is back on. Rudy is still eating during the turbulence. Is that smart? The shots of the plane and the clouds are so bad. Bethany’s vest is now back off and she faints with her mouth basically on Albert’s crotch. Turbulence or not, I’m just saying, take your shot, son. In 2017 you will get #MeToo’d but it could be worth it. At least her stupid hat is off. Toomy is sweating worse than I am after taking a shower.
Everything is better now. They see houses and farms now. Laurel is all happy that this looks normal and Bob tells her that she’s wrong. Also, why didn’t they play King of the Road when landing. There’s the whole line “Destination: Bangor Maine”. It may have felt out of place, but it could have worked.
They have landed and the airport is deserted. Bethany is awake, with no white stuff on her face. Albert didn’t go for a hot Cosby. Brian says that logic tells him that if they survived, there must be other survivors and Bob scoffs about this false logic. Alright, they got to use the emergency slide. Now, instead of giving us a fun montage, just an ounce of fun, they show Brian sliding down last and that was it.
Now Nick says the air isn’t right. Fucking British people, so particular. Dinah concurs with Nick about the smell. Gotta trust the girl with heightened senses, right? Nick suggests that they need to check to see if anyone is there. Dinah is against this. No bird, no machines running, Toomy threatens to sue Brian. Toomy has a flashback of his dad flipping out on his report card, he got an A- and a B. That bum!! Do you know what happens to bums? The Langoliers will eat them. His father was super intense. Toomy yells at Brian and then Nick points at Toomy and shuts that shit down. The funny thing is that David Morse is the biggest dude there and is far more intimidating.
Dinah notices that the sounds that Laurel’s heels are making are very weak. Dinah warns them again. I’ve learned enough in my life to never listen to children and their supposed instincts. Dumb kids!! Why the sudden hug between Laurel and Dinah and why did it look so forced? The computers don’t work and neither to the payphones. Brian, you do understand how a computer works, right? Bob notices a clock that isn’t moving and it is battery operated. Rudy is looking for lobster. Bethany scares Albert. Bob is obsessed with the watches and what time it is. They really should have given Beth a more flattering shit. Rudy wants to find a restaurant.
Bob suggests that Beth saves her matches for later. Toomy has left the group. There’s no echo when shouting. Don says that’s impossible, but is it any more impossible than any of this other stuff. Toomy’s dad is so mad at his son for missing the Boston meeting. Toomy doesn’t want this job. How is his father able to slap him? His dad is making sure that he knows the Langoliers are gonna eat him up if he doesn’t make it to Boston. Toomy hides in Airport Security. That’s not a horrible idea.
Dinah can feel the light. The glass is wrong too. She also hears something. She keeps shushing everyone. It’s a faint sound, but she keeps hearing it. It sounds like Rice Krispies. She warns them that they need to get out of there quickly to avoid that cereal sound. Brian says that they can’t leave yet since they need to refuel the plane. Maybe that should be something you’re working on? Yeah, you don’t have a plan, I get that, but just in case you need to bail quickly.
They find a restaurant. Time to try out a match from the restaurant and it doesn’t light up. Rudy found a sandwich and a beer, and Rudy says the sandwich is spoiled, but it is simply flavorless. Time to try the beer. The beer is flat. Toomy has a gun and still ripping paper, but now he wants to shoot his dad. Don’t we all?
All the beer and soda are flat. None of the stuff that people left, like rings and wallets, are in this restaurant/diner. Toomy has now taken Beth hostage. Fantastic. It’s shit like this that keeps me happy. He wants to be taken to Boston. The adults are trying to calm down Toomy, Beth bites Toomy’s arm, Albert swings his violin case and Toomy shoots him. The gunshot looked weird and I honestly don’t know if it was laziness or intentional due to the circumstances of the scenario. The bullet bounced off Albert, and sure enough, the gun had no power to it. Beth thinks that Albert is super brave. Nick is tying up Toomy. Toomy is demanding and Nick kicks him and people overreact. Nick is like, we gotta get our shit together.
Bob has found a fallacy in their thinking. He suggests this incident hasn’t happened to the rest of the world, and just affecting the passengers of Flight 29. There’s no electricity in here, but there is on the plan. The weather patterns are stopping too. The point is that they are dealing with a problem with time itself. Maybe it’s time to do the Time Warp again. Brian mentions that there was supposed to be an Aurora Borealis over the Mojave Desert and they were supposed to fly right through it. Well, there you go. Bob suggests that they have gone back in time by a small period of time. This is such a Twilight Zone episode come to life. Time is winding down in a spiral, making it go faster and faster. Dinah hears the noise again and gets closer. Maybe….refuel the plane?
Time to panic. Bob asks if they can refuel without electricity, and they can. He wants to fly back through the same path. Brian says refueling is pointless due to the lack of fire ignition. Beth whines obnoxiously. That is where part 1 presumably ended.
Dinah asks Toomy about the Langoliers. Hahaha, as he describes it, Laurel tells him to stop because he’s scaring Dinah. Dinah says no he’s not. Toomy says that he’s scaring Laurel instead. That was good. Toomy’s dad is dead. Dinah asked if his dad died because he was laying down on the job. Dinah also tells him that they don’t look like monsters as he sees them.
Now Beth’s matches aren’t working. Albert has the solution to their problem and he is a fantastic actor. Nic Cage would be jealous. In the plane, Albert is trying to get the matches to light up. After many attempts, it works. The beer is still flat. Rudy checks on Toomy who pretends to be asleep. Toomy has escaped the rope. Hey, now the beer has carbonation. So time just has a delay on the plane. Dinah wants them to check on Toomy now. So they see that Toomy has escaped. Toomy has a knife and as Dinah leads the charge, Toomy stabs her in the chest and takes off running. Come on, that was fucking funny.
Toomy claims that Dinah is the head Langolier. Beth runs to get help. The blade broke off. So Nick and Albert come to help her. Dinah has internal bleeding. Toomy’s dad is proud of him, and he goes back to ripping paper. Don and Albert are sent to get her a stretcher. Time to remove the blade. I feel like this wouldn’t work as they show. The guys find a stretcher in the room with Toomy and Toomy takes out Don. Albert swings the toaster inside a tablecloth. Toomy thinks that they are all Langoliers. Albert knocks out Toom……or not. Toomy pops up and Albert really gets him this time.
Dinah tells Nick not to go kill Toomy because they apparently need Toomy. Beth is really annoying. Nick finds Albert crying. Really, the first person to die was the only black character? Toomy isn’t dead. Nick orders Albert up the stair with the stretcher. Nick is going to attend to Toomy. He goes to suffocate Toomy, but then he hears Dinah warning him not to kill Toomy.
They load Dinah on the plane. Nobody brought Toomy. Brian is finally taking charge. He orders them to get the fuel truck and it is becoming day again. Dinah wakes up and sends Toomy a mental message. Does she have the Shining? Nick asks Laurel out to dinner. Really? That’s what’s on your mind? Jesus dude. It’s going to take an hour or two to use the engine to suck the fuel out of the fuel pads.
Dinah tells Toomy to come to her, if he’s man enough, that is. I don’t know why I keep calling him Toomy instead of Craig, I think I just prefer the name Toomy. I’m just curious how many times I spelled it Tommy instead of Toomy. Rudy is exhausted. Rudy, Beth, and Laurel hear Dinah talking to Toomy.
Bob and Albert see some shit outside. The power lines are going down. Dinah has convinced Toomy that people from Boston have come to visit him. Toomy is running like a maniac. Time to disconnect the fuel hoses. Is Dinah sacrificing Toomy? There’s Stephen King at the head of the table!! They have an impromptu meeting. King asks how much money Toomy made for them. Toomy is happy to tell them that he lost 43 million dollars deliberately. Now his dad is at the head of the table. He tells his father that the Langoliers don’t even exist. Now the business people have disappeared. Trees are falling. They’re here. HAHAHAHAHA. They look so bad.
Toomy yells and runs away from two of them. The Langoliers are just focused on Toomy. They burrowed underground. They popped back up! They continue to chase Toomy. Everything looks so bad due to the effects that they had to use. One bit Toomy’s leg. Oh, they imply that Toomy just got eaten up by the Langoliers.
Now the Langoliers are creating ridiculous holes in the runway. Luggage falls on everyone. Brian, you may need to get your shit together. Bob is utterly fascinated by the Langoliers. So am I. Bob says that we know what happens to yesterday today. Dinah wakes up. They’re coming! Brian goes to takeoff but needs to get to 150 MPH. The Langoliers are approaching the plane. The runway is falling apart. They approach the edge with just enough speed. You really owe it to yourself to watch this scene if nothing else. They are flying away from a dark void.
But wait, there are 40 minutes remaining? Wasn’t that the big ending? Yeah, the pacing in the storytelling is not what you would expect. Nick and Laurel kiss and talk about the dinner date. Beth asks what happens if the fuel goes bad. Albert looks at her and says she knows the answer. So she then tells him that he may as well kiss her. Well okay. That’s an odd relationship.
Brian asks Nick why he was going to Boston. Nick reveals that he was there to kill a politician’s side woman as a warning because he supports some Irish military something something. Brian reveals that when he was married, he wanted children, his ex-wife didn’t. So Brian did something that he never thought that he would do and never got to tell her that he was sorry.
Why has nobody wiped the blood from Dinah’s mouth? Laurel tells Dinah that she shouldn’t talk. Dinah reveals that Toomy saw people as normal in the very end. She talks about how nice it was to just be able to see. And then she dies.
As they fly, Nick sees something and it is the Aurora Borealis. Bob notices something though. Bob sees Rudy sleeping. He tells them that they have to turn back. They can’t go through the wormhole awake. Oh, Stephen King, you sneaky bastard. Having played Microsoft Flight Simulator, I can assure you that wasn’t an easy turn, and Nick broke his arm. Bob gets on the intercom to explain.
“We have to go to sleep? How do we do that?” says Beth. I know that sometimes you may think that I am too harsh on characters. So how do you put everybody to sleep and steer the plan through the wormhole? They can lower the pressure and knock everyone out. Bob suggests that one will have to stay awake to increase pressure and die. Nick volunteers. Nick takes Laurel to the side to tell her that this is as good of an opportunity to make things balance out in life. He tells Laurel to find his dad and tell him that Nick was gonna quit and try to atone for what happened outside the church. It was supposed to be emotional but comes off very silly because Brian keeps yelling at him. Time to do this. He and Laurel have a big romantic kiss and that’s the one to go out on.
Nick has to wear an oxygen mask. Brian never really showed him how to increase the pressure, did he? Awww, Beth and Albert hold each other. Laurel sighs. Brian thanks Nick. Everybody falls asleep. Brian, maybe you keep your eyes closed. And then Nick removes his mask. You both have 2 very specific jobs. Just do them. And they approach it and Nick disappears and his watch drops to the ground.
Brian wakes up. His nose is bleeding and he notices that Nick is missing. Brian contacts LAX, and Laurel yells at him to stop. There’s no traffic. Buckle up, Buckeroos. Time to land again. Alarms are going off. They are out of fuel. He lands but goes fast. Wait, were they smart enough to bring the slide back in? I have my doubts. So do they have a backup? If not, how do you get out? Laurel says that they should have just crashed. She’s pleasant to be around. I’m happy for Nick to not have to date her.
They exit the plane using the cockpit exit that has a chain ladder. That must be fun. I keep seeing shadows. And there’s sound there. Bob smells jet fuel and salt. Now there’s normal sound and echo. But where is everybody? They enter the terminal and Bob has a theory that he wants to check out. The food tastes good. Bob says that it’s gonna happen soon and it may not be safe there. Everybody stands up against a wall. This time rip has brought them to the future. Ohhh, the colors. The present is going to catch up to them. They can start to see people fading in and out. 2 kids see the group pretty much appear out of nowhere.
Bob wants to alert the authorities. Everybody wants to just enjoy life right now. Rudy wants something to eat. Oh God, I forgot that ending where the 6 are running and Albert does this stupid jump in the air and they freeze the image. Sooooo lame.
End Film
Wow, it never gets better, and yet I laugh every time. I’m shocked that this has a 6.1 on IMDB. I expected it to be in the 4’s. I think people really like time travel stories. It’s a weird guilty pleasure. And that’s what The Langoliers is. It’s truly a weird guilty pleasure.
I have to be the asshole and ask the question that may ruin the story for you. It shouldn’t because it was so silly. Here’s my question. When they go back through the time rift, why didn’t the other passengers reappear? What exactly happened to those passengers? Did they all just land in Boston and then the authorities have to do a ridiculous investigation. Dinah’s aunt has to be super confused, for example. This film doesn’t offer any real answers. That may be for the best. But I still want to know about the passengers. Their stuff was still on the plane, I think. Just think about this and leave me a comment and tell me that I’m a dumbass that’s overlooking something simple.
The acting was awfully stiff here and you can see when the actors were trying and when they were either frustrated or not giving a fucking. Toomy seemed all in all the time. I feel like Nick mostly was, same for Rudy and Don. There are times when you can just see zero fucks being given, which is good and bad. I can laugh at it now. I remember when this first aired, I was so disappointed. This was ABC’s big follow-up to The Stand. For several years, ABC would do one Stephen King story, and this was not a great follow-up. They had better luck later on.
Final Rating – 6.0 – I can’t go higher because this doesn’t deserve any higher, but it brings me so much joy. My joy level is like a 7.5 and the quality of the film is probably 4.5-5.0 range. It’s a good time to watch with friends that like to chat and joke during a movie. Not a great watch by yourself.
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Laurel Entertainment Inc. (as Laurel-King)
- Spelling Films International
- Worldvision
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