I found a list of Asian horror films from this decade. This one struck me as possibly being pretty fucked up. So here’s the description that made me interested. If it doesn’t intrigue you, it’s probably not for you. I have read that the slight majority found this to boring or too slow paced, BUT let’s face it, there’s a lot of people that really like The Fast and The Furious franchise. That’s not me saying that they are bad films, ok, a lot of them sucked and 5&6 were abysmal, but they are not without their merit. Some people don’t get an opportunity to oiyr through as many movies as I do due to their job, their family, their other interests, so sometimes a fast paced car flick is all they want to see to relax and enjoy life. Hey, that’s why Michael Bay is rich, right?
Anyway, here’s the description I found. “This is a remarkably twisted and odd little film, directed by Takashi Shimizu, with strong philosophical and psychological concepts. Showcasing some very strange images involving blood, this movie does contribute an engaging storyline. A photographer (played by Shinya Tsukamoto) frees a beautiful woman chained to a rockface during his search for terror in the deep underground of Tokyo, only to later discover her abnormalities. Although highly recommended for its originality, the viewer is warned of high levels of ambiguity as well as impending imagery that is seriously freaky.” I found that here.
This movie is taking it’s sweet ass time.27 minutes in, and not much has happened. I also blame myself for not paying attention as much as I should and making it slightly more difficult is that I have to read the subtitles while typing. Oh well. I think that’s why I enjoyed French horror better, I could actually look away and understand most of what they were saying.
I guess this movie was filmed in the 8 days this guy took in between filming The Grudge and it’s sequel. I don’t know how accurate that is. I mean, don’t you have to make sure the first one is a hit before filming a sequel. 8 days isn’t a lot of time. And we have boobs! Hello named Asian lady who is chained to these rocks. I always wanted to get with an Asian chick, just for like a week. Have her cook for me. That just makes sense, right? Don’t judge me.
I think this dude somehow unchained her and brought her back to his place. I clearly missed something.Sir, whatever you’re eating looks kinda tasty. It looks sorta like a Keebler cracker, but it could be a cookie, or maybe granola. Do they eat much granola in Japan? My knowledge of Japanese culture is extremely limited. Everything I have learned is from wrestling (thank you Mr Fuji and Yokozuna), Kill Bill, Japanese porn is censored, and Pokemon. I hate Pokemon with an undying passion. Ruined Smash Brother franchise in so many ways, fucking Pikachu.That is one of the most awful things I have ever seen. Oh, I almost forgot, Karate Kid and some video games like Ninja Gaiden. So yeah, I know nothing about Japanese culture. Hello Kitty came from there, Saturday night Adult Swim, The Last Samurai (That movie kicked so much ass), The Wolverine, and much, much more. I also had Japanese food in NYC one time. I decided I was gonna live to win, and so I ordered eel, much to the chagrin of the waitress. I was with Bob and Alyssa, and by the time I got home, food poisoning had set in. Now I can’t fully blame them, I should have made a smarter selection. And the eel was pretty tatsy. We also got to ee Les Miserables on broadway. So despite the gastrointestinal discomfort later on, it was worth it. Oh yeah, there’s a movie still happening.
I will say this, I watched this a lot longer than I watched this year’s MTV VMA’s. That counts for something, right? This main dude, he clearly has never taken care of a random naked women he found in the underground passages of japan who happened to be chained to this rock. I man, it’s common fucking sense, right? We are at the halfway point. I am starting to think I am not this movie’s target audience. You know what though, it’s still better than Paranormal Activity. I don’t feel like my intelligence is being insulted. Hey, random creepy phone call from a guy who knows that Masuoka is harboring F. Yes, he named her F. He can’t feed her, and the guy on the phone said that he is slowly killing her. I mean, maybe if you couldn’t feed her after midnight, and he named her G instead, that would make this like a Japanese Gremlins of sorts. Uh oh, Masuoka’s penchant for roaming around Tokyo just pissed off the wrong hombre who stole the tape and broke the lens, which cause Masuoka to cut himself. I don’t even know why I am giving play by play on shit I don’t remotely understand.
Well, first box of count Chocula is gone. Only one more box is in the house. Must ascertain more. Feed me more! So Masuoka comes home and F is strangely fascinated by the cut on his finger. She smells it, and now she is licking his cut finger, and it’s not remotely sexual, it’s very primal. I like it!!! He now cuts his hand some, assuming this is the nourishment that she needs, and sure enough, she’s licking the blood from the floor and now is just sucking him off, his hand that is, you perverts. He wants to keep feeding her, but it would mean his own death, which in turn would cause her death. She has some awesome teeth. Nothing you want your dick near, but awesome nonetheless. He’s giving her raw animal now, she seems to like it enough, but it doesn’t tickle her taint like human blood. He theorizes that she was raised on blood and not breast milk. Interesting theory. Yay, my day long headache has been vanquished, at least for the moment. I mean, i have a dull one, but I don’t recall the last time I didn’t have a dull headache, it’s been months. This is what I live with day in and day out, and people wonder why I’m an asshole every now and then. Like the headache you get, like you’d give it a 5, that’s my 1-2 rating on a daily basis. Stupid head.
Oh shit, F has escaped, or possibly kidnapped. I hope she didn’t get F’d. I wish I had a better joke, I wanted to go somewhere with F’d in the A. There’s your challenge, write a better one liner about her name being F. He just said he didn’t want to give up F, and my initial interpretation is that he didn’t give an F. Oh, he met up with this creepy dude from earlier. He’s aware that she escaped, and almost mocked Masuoka for not having done well with her. And now she is back home. Seriously, the very next scene. Oh the bitch came back, the very next day. Oh the bitch came back, she just couldn’t stay the fuck away. I love that song. Less than 30 minutes to go and I think he now has her chained up, and he wants to give her nutrition. Good for him.
My nightmares have definitely increased the past 2 weeks or so. It’s been interesting, waking up in a sweat, breathing heavy, or waking up to myself talking to myself. The joys of October, am I right? Weird shit gets stuck in your head, and you slowly descend in to dream madness, which I think is similar to Macho Man Randy Savage’s “Macho Madness”. Ohhhh yeeeah! I want some chicken parm as i stare into this fridge of bottled blood. Doesn’t chicken parm sound tasty?
Masuoka killed a bitch by the way, henceforth the fridge of bottled blood. Now he has some hot chick, I think he is paying her. I don’t even think he’s gonna take her for a ride on his disco stick. What a waste Masuoka!!! Yep, I think he slit her throat. Well that’s just amateur hour on his part. You slit the throat and you risk losing all that tasty and nutritious blood that you are trying to accumulate for F. I wish I had a large Dunkin Donuts Iced French Vanilla Coffee with way too much cream and sugar in it. And the chicken parm. Masuoka is a camera man for a news station, and he just had to film the crime scene that he caused. Interesting!
I promise I will try making the next blog shorter. Masuoka is taking F out in public, it’s almost like an outdoor mall, and he is holding her hand, trying to ensure she doesn’t revert to crawling. They’re back home and she is feeding off his hand again. Poor F, you can tell that she is still hungry. F is gonna bleed him dry like a succubus. I knew a succubus once. True story. The reprieve on that headache was short lived. Damnit!!!
I don’t want to take too much caffeine because, well let’s face it, my heart will explode sooner than later. About 10 mins to go. Wait, he said some shit…I can’t write it in case you watch this. I am so confused. If you are gonna watch this movie, please stop reading now. Spoilers are in next paragraph.
So come to find out, Masuoka killed his wife, his daughter, and some stranger in pursuit of feeing F. I must have missed the relationship. Stupid Kent!!!! Dude is going crazy. I thought he became homeless, but now he is back at his apartment. F is still there. He’s got a box cutter in hand. What will he do? I figured h’d kill himself feeding her awhile ago. Now, I can see him trying to kill her, but I don’t think he has the balls. F is actually talking to him!!! She was almost happy that he came back for her. Dude! You just….with the box cutter…..to yourself. Damn!
What a weird ass ending. Total mindfuckeroo. I need to think about this for a few.
After napping and eating breakfast, and a couple of episodes of Bob’s Burgers, I have come to this conclusion. It was probably better than what I perceived it to be due to my typing and not full attention. Secondly, I am unsure if I really consider it horror, but it’s the only real genre you could claim it as. I’m almost of the mind to label it just as much horror as it was drama, and maybe fantasy. It had a lot going on. But I enjoyed the ride, I really did. I don’t know if I will be watching it again for a few years, it’s not something you can just rewatch a bunch of times in my opinion, but perhaps a repeat viewing would help clear some things up. I don’t know what to grade it. I will go with a 5.5, It probably won’t dip much lower, nor do I think I will ever appreciate as much as others do. Would I recommend it? If you are ok with a slow, deliberate paced asian movie that requires more thought than most movies, I think you may walk away thinking that you kinda liked it. That’s how I’m feeling right now. I did like it, I just don’t know by how much.
Breasts Totals Updated!
35 Bare breasts
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- Adness K.K.
- AtEntertainment K.K.
- Culture Publishers (CP)
- Euro Space
- Japan CableCast K.K.
- Panorama Communications K.K.
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