Well, I really liked the original to this. I thoroughly enjoyed the remake. This got a 6.3 on IMDB. There’s just one troubling thing that makes me skeptical. This was made in 1994. This is widely considering the doldrums of the world of horror separating the peak of the 80’s and the late 90’s when slashers and haunted things made a comeback. Scroll to the last paragraph if you wish to avoid spoilers.
The opening was very cheesy, 2 people get killed in the original house. Now we have I think a fraternity and a sorority. The guys are spying on the chicks getting undressed. We have 2 pairs of tits, ass, and bush. Alright, we’re in business. Maybe not a sorority, like a Catholic school of sorts as there is a nun and a father on campus. The nun is hilarious. She is always wielding a yardstick. I think our main girl is named Terri. Another girl is named Melissa or Mouse, and her sister is the girl from the opening scene that killed the 2 religious suckas. Her sister is named Angela.
Not much is going on here aside from a bunch of horny teenagers being horny. Which is fine. I just looked to see what we had going on in horror in 94. Here’s what we had to work with: New Nightmare, Interview With The Vampire, In The Mouth of Madness, The Stand, Wolf (with Jack), Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, Phantasm III and this. So aside from New Nightmare, Interview, and The Stand, this was a shitty time. Granted, I LOVE those 3 films, but it’s like you have 3 great films in the 8 range, and then you drop almost 3 points to the next level.
Wait, do Catholics celebrate Halloween? Just curious.
SO we have Terri who is the hot whorish slut, along with Shirley. They are similar. Mouse is the quiet nice one, and Bibi is the hot good girl. You absolutely want to see her tits, but it’s only 15% likely. We did just see our third pair. I am not unhappy. As for the guys, none have really differentiated themselves. Rick is with Shirley, and he said Sweet Tits. They get to the bad house and Mouse flips the fudge out. Johnny I think is with Bibi, and the other guy is Kurt, and I don’t think he’s got a chick, so I see no reason for him not to fuck Terri. Sorry, the guys are dull as fuck in this aside from Rick.
Wow, talk about being right and wrong within 30 seconds of each other. Kurt just made out with Terri in the hall. This was followed up by Johnny getting Bibi topless. Those were borderline perfect tits. This was well worth the wait, very happy. And a new guy, Z-Boy just showed up outside, scared Mouse in the car, and now she’s inside. Raylene is mocking me for being wrong. I’ll be honest, I couldn’t be happier about being wrong about her tits.
So now Mouse is tied down on a table by Rick, Z-Boy, and Shirley, to make some weird ritual sacrifice, with a fake plastic knife. Haha. Oh man, Johnny was so close to sealing the deal until Terri screamed and well Johnny has some blue balls of epic proportion. Mouse is now seeing Angela’s spirit. The gang decides they re gonna leave but Terri has to piss. HAHA, she goes to use the toilet and some dude’s face was there but then it wasn’t when Kurt checked. Z Boy is just pissing in the hall, and then he sees Angela and goes after her because that’s what he does. I mean, he’s gonna die, but good for him.
Z Boy got attacked and then fucked by Angela I guess. It was weird. There’s a side story with a guy named Perry who is all about researching about Demons, and he is basically a wiener. Yup, a full-fledged wiener. Haha, Bibi found a thing of lipstick, which harkens back to the original’s most infamous scene. Shirley to Rick “You wanna come up for some tricky treat?” He replies “Sure, I’ll come up for some sticky treat.” Ha, sticky. There’s an inside joke at play here with one of my readers.
“Hey Kurt, is it true they call you King Snake?”- Terri
Shirley is in the bathroom using the lipstick again, and to nobody’s surprise, it attacked her in some way. It now has a tentacle coming out of it towards her. It goes up in her vaginal crevice. And that unleashes Angela. Angela and Shirley make out. Now Shirley is possessed and Angela is now doing a dance in front of the party. The nun gives her the boot. Shirley unleashes her tits on Rick, but they grabbed at Rick, yes you read that right.
Kurt while getting his junk caressed by Angela unknowingly “You don’t want to strike oil too soon/”
Shirley and Terri are now making out. Love it. Terri is now possessed as well, and going after Bibi. Haha, they are filling up squirt guns and water balloons with Holy Water. Hello From Dusk Til Dawn. Sister got the demon out of Terri in all her awesomeness. Mouse left with her sister. I said early on that Mouse would turn out to be a badass, so let’s see if I end up correct, or a complete jackass.
Oh man, Kurt is headless and was dribbling his head. It’s silly as fuck. Lots of basketball jokes, like too many perhaps. I’m an NBA junkie, so I dig it. Go Mavs, go Bulls. Thankfully Perry finally got got. This has devolved into Johnny, Bibi, Sister, Terri, and possibly Mouse are the only non-demonized characters. Hey, speaking of Mouse, she’s on a table and there’s Angela, looking like sacrifice time yet again. Sister is beheaded! Wait, sister is back up. The fuck???????? I love sister. This is a battle of good vs evil of epic proportions. “come on sister, kick the habit” – Angela
Sister has agreed to take Mouse’s spot and Angela wants Mouse to behead sister in the sacrifice. Bibi and Johnny are incapacitated. Will Mouse go good or evil???? Mouse stays true and stabs her sister. “Say your prayers” – Sister
So I guess I was wrong on Mouse. It appears that Angela has been defeated, but is it ever that easy? And 2 seconds later…..no, no it is not. Angela is a serpent-like creature now. Brings me back to the God of War games. We see 6 demonic tits on Angela, but I am not counting them. It goes against my morals. Well, Sister, Mouse, Bibi, and Johnny end up victorious. Back at school, a girl finds the lipstick, opens it up, and well, an animated snake pops out I guess. Super cheesy.
In conclusion, this was a fine sequel surprisingly. I have no real complaints. It was surprisingly quite good and fun. If you liked the first, you will like this one, and vice versa. I am very pleased. We had 4 tits as well, especially the holy grail ones. So that was good. The gore and special effects went as expected. Lots of funny dialogue, especially the sticky treat one. I would recommend this to most anybody looking for a mindless romp. I’ll go 6.0 on this with no problem. Give this a whirl, I think you’ll have fun.
Final Rating: 6.0
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Republic Pictures (II) (presents)
- Blue Rider Pictures
- Blue Rider Pictures (executive producer)
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