You may have noticed I skipped over NoES 2 because quite frankly, I spent too many years trying to like it and it just fucking sucks. It is awful. I may do a blog about it later if I get bored pointing out all the ways that it is terrible, but yeah, moving right along.
This is the crowning achievement in horror for me. The King of the Mountain, the holy grail, the piece de resistance. This movie was my first NoES, but hell, I have seen them all so much, it’s not nostalgia. This movie is the best example of Freddy having a few one liners, but still being a bad ass. Now I love funny Freddy as much as the next guy, I truly love him. BUT there is something to be said about him also just being a menacing terrifying fuck like he was in part 1. Really, this was the perfect mix, and Part 4 comes close, real close, but is just off the mark. This does the best character development of any of the movies. This has the best aggregate kill scenarios/nightmares, although 4 is right there. This brings Nancy and her dad back. And it is dated as fuck, but in a good way. Enough about why I love it, and let’s blog it while I watch it.
We start off with a young Patricia Arquette doing some papier mache or some such thing recreating the nightmare house. Her drunk mom comes in, tells her to get some sleep. She downs a spoonful of coffee grounds, drinks a Coke, and I accidentally spelled that as Cock at first, figured you needed to know that. She falls asleep, finds one of the infamous little girls. Freddy is after them, so she picks her up and gets to running in the house. Freddy swipes at her and misses. I have always believed that he half assed that attempt. He was using this bitch to get more victims I think. “Put me down, you’re hurting me” says the little girl in her arms as she is now a skeleton. I hate that I know too many of these one liners. She wakes up, goes to the bathroom, and goes to turn on the sink. The sink grabs her and she sees Freddy in the mirror. He slices her. Kristin, the main girl, her mom comes in to see her wrist slit and a razor in her hand, and she passes out.
Now we are at Westin Hills psychiatric hospital. Remember this place, it makes a comeback in Freddy Vs Jason surprisingly. Now we have the main male doctor, Neil, and the orderly or whatever employee played by Larry, not yet known as Laurence, Fishburne. His name is Max. We quickly meet a few of the characters. We meet the blond Jennifer, she is obsessed with fame and celebrity basically. Then I think that was Taryn who is an ex junkie. Then my boy Kinkaid who is in solitary confinement. Now why they gotta put the only black character into solitary, as if he was in prison. That is some fucked up racial stereotyping. I am deeply offended and outraged, and blah blah blah. Who am I kidding, I don’t have many black friends in my life and they probably found this just as funny as I did, plus as I mentioned, he’s my boy. The other head doctor bitch, she’s a real bitch by the way, named Dr Elizabeth Sims but will probably just be referred to as Dr Bitch, she talks to Neil about this new hotshot doctor coming in and Neil doesn’t like this one bit. Good lord, this is gonna be a long blog. I have to pause to keep up with my thoughts.
For those of you who read this, I just want to say I weighed in a 303.4 pounds today and feel that getting under 300 by month’s end is doable. Yes, the fucking candy month. What a terrible idea this was.
The doctors hear some bitch screaming, and you keep wanting to see Samuel L Jackson show up and say, Bitch be cool. Now this reference works because the girl yelling, played by Patricia Arquette, well her sister Rosanna was in Pulp Fiction, as Jody the one with all the shit in her face. So we just came full circle. “Tell that bitch to chill”.
So Kristin is flipping shit out, doesn’t want to be sedated. She is throwing shit, she cuts Max with a scalpel. She starts the Freddy rhyme at 5,6. She gets to 9,10 and before she finishes it, along comes Nancy, yes that Nancy, as she finishes by saying Never sleep again, which was the name of a documentary. Kristin found somebody who understands her. Aww.
Neil and Nancy are talking, he was impressed by her. Talks about the boogeyman, and how the kids try to avoid sleep. She leaves, and Neil sees a nun. The nun then just disappears. Creepy.
Max gives Nancy the tour. He introduces her to Phillip who is a sleepwalker. He makes puppets. Here’s Kinkaid again. Joey comes creeping out of a room. He chooses not to talk. he has a hard on for this hot blond nurse.
Nancy is now at Kristin’s home and talking to kristin’s bitch of a mom who is uncooperative. She is just being a bitch, not wanting to provide much info. Nancy goes into Kristin’s room, see the house she made. Neil is working at a computer, and this was late 80’s and it looks as epic as you would imagine.
We are now with Jennifer, and she is drawing Freddy’s house. Now there’s a tricycle that comes in and melts. Hmmm, Jigsaw rides a tricycle. There can’t be any correlation, or can there be? My bad, this is Kristin, not jennifer. Tough to watch and type simultaneously. Kristin is in the house. Some pig on a table makes noise, then she’s in another room and now a Freddy mouth is eating Kristin. She calls out to Nancy and somehow nancy hears this, and magically instantly falls asleep and is in the same dream with Kristin. Nancy saves Kristin and they both exit the dream.
Nancy is like bitch, have you always pulled mother fuckers in your dream, and I guess she used to pull her dad into her nightmares. Poor bastard having a sex dream, gets pulled into his daughter’s dreams.
Now we are having a group meeting with all the main characters. We meet Will who is wheelchair bound. Kinkaid basically mocks everybody’s introduction. Awesome. They get talking about mass psychosis, as everybody had the same dreams prior to meeting each other. Kinkaid made a dick joke. Love it.
Will, joey, and Taryn are now playing some D&D shit. Max makes them go to bed. So Will goes to sleep first and Joey stays awake. The buddy system at it’s finest. Nancy and Neil are now talking in a bar. Nancy wants Neil to use Hypnocil, which is a dream deprivation drug. Neil is like, bitch you crazy.
Now we are in Phillip’s room, he be dreaming. Freddy is now a puppet, cuts himself down. This is amazing shit, and iconic. He slicesup and down Phillip’s arms and leg and pulls out veins, tendons, something so he is like a puppet and Kinkaid wakes up and tells him to have a nice fall asshole or something awesome. Phillip is walking past a nurse not paying attention. He now walked through a door, he became transparent, because that makes sense? Joey sees Phillip out on a window ledge and wakes up Will. Will is yelling at Phillip, Joey runs and wakes everybody up. Now everybody is yelling at him. There’s Freddy the puppet master in the sky, he cuts the cords and down goes Phillip.
At group meeting, Kinkaid is talking about how weak Phillip was, and how he is gonna out last all these mother fuckers. Dr Bitch claims it was just a sleepwalking accident. Will disagrees and says his eyes were open. The group is trying to tell teh doctors otherwise. Neil called Phillip a coward. Dr Bitch states all the doors will now be locked and everybody will be sedated tonight. Kinkaid flips the fuck out. Well, he’s going to solitary again. He’s a repeat offender. Neil now states he is prescribing Hypnocil. Dr Bitch disagrees and says she will hold him accountable if anything bad happens. You can imagine, something bad may happen.
Kinkaid in solitary singing “Ain’t gonna dream no more no more. Ain’t gonna dream no more.” He’s awesome. Jennifer is now up watching TV, Max is telling this bitch to go to sleep but she’s gonna go to LA and be a star, and she wants to stay awake watching TV. Too much to handle. Some dude is twirling some keys, waiting outside Taryn’s door. He says he has the keys to heaven, some pharmaceutical grade meth, and she ain’t down with it. He is also smoking inside the hospital. That dude was sleazy and I loved him.
Back to Jennifer, and she is smoking. Oh, she used the cigarette to burn herself to stay awake. On the TV, Dick Cavette is interviewing Zsa Zsa Gabor. Yes, I had to look up the spelling. Jennifer is falling asleep. Dick Cavette is now Freddy. Tremendous. He goes to slice Zsa Zsa. Then the TV gets all static. The Ring plagiarized this movie. She goes to inspect the TV. Suddenly it grows arms and Freddy’s heads comes out the top. The arms grab her. They lift her up and Freddy infamously says “Welcome to primetime bitch!” And then he smashes her head through the TV. Max runs in. How the fuck was that death explained. there’s no chair for her to stand on. She is hanging from the TV. So they rationalize that she is Micheal Jordan, ran, jumped and headbutted the TV? Seriously, how was that explained?
At the funeral, Neil is talking to the nun. She talks about some abomination. I’m still pumped about the last death. Sooo good. Neil and Nancy walk off together. Back at her place, they are by the fire, and he found some Malaysian dream doll. they are boring as fuck here.
Back to group meeting. The numbers are dwindling. Nancy says she knows who is trying to kill them. God, you need to drink every time Kinkaid makes a snide comment. She describes Freddy. The group has questions, and now there is the fun history lesson. “You are the last of the Elm Street children.” I can think of 4 movies that state otherwise. Everybody supposedly has their own dream super power, like Kristin pulling people into dreams. You know this is gonna be so bad it’s good. It does not disappoint.
OK, time to go under hypnosis. Awww, it didn’t work…..or did it? Joey sees blond nurse, she gives him a look and he goes a following. She invites him into a room. Awww yeah. She wanted to get him alone and she really likes him. He is living out the dream. Back in group, Neil is playing with those knocking ball kinect energy bullshit, and they suddenly float. Will says in his dreams, he is the wizard master. Kristin can do some acrobatic bullshit. Kinkaid can bend chairs. Taryn has a mohawk and she is “Beutiful (switchblades open) and bad). Back to Joey. Nurse skank undresses. She has nice tits, and has a thong. She is making out with him, then they do some tongue shit where she spits out tongues that tie his arms at legs to the bed posts. It’s as awful as it sounds, but she was hot. Take the good with the bad. Oh, the bed drops, now he is hanging over some fiery pit place. The group realizes Joey is gone. The walls start closing it and it is hot as fuck. things are falling off the walls, mass panic. Walls still closing. Kinkaid tries to push back, but he burns his hands. Suddenly Dr Bitch enters, everybody awakens and Joey is in a coma on the floor.
Dr. Bitch is throwing Neil under the bus while dealing with the head Dr. He’s superfly pissed. Well they basically fired Neil. Nancy asks what they can do, he says it is out of their hands. Neil is out at his car at night, for some reason looks up and sees the nun at the top of some tower, so he goes to investigate because thats what you do at 10PM or whatever time it is. Lots of stairs. Fuck that, she can stay up there. He gets to the top, sees the door move, some pigeons fly at him. He comes in and finds the nun. He asks what this place was, she starts blathering on about how the criminally insane was locked up here. She tells how one of the young lady workers got taken and hidden by the inmates. She was raped and found days later. Her name, Amanda Krueger. The son of a thousand maniacs. Neil asks where to find Freddy’s remains, and she tells him the remains are in hollowed ground. She questions his faith. She then takes off.
Nancy is with Joey. Freddy cuts up his chest, it spells “Come and get him bitch”. Freddy says bitch as much as I do. Neil asked about where the remains are, and Nancy says she knows a guy who knows. Kristin is flipping out. She’s getting sent to solitary as well. She gonna get banged by Kinkaid…..if she’s lucky.
Nancy and Neil are in a bar now, and there he is, Nancy’s awesome daddy, John Saxon. He seems happy to see her. He is drinking a Miller. And some shot, unless he is taking shots of beer. Daddy doesn’t wanna hear this dumb shit. He looks like hell. He hates Neil. Nancy keeps riding his ass. Nope, it was definitely a shot of something else. Saxon dismisses her bitch ass and tells her not to stay away for so long next time. Neil calls the hospital and talks to Taryn. She tells him bout Kristin getting sedated. Nancy is going back to the hospital and Neil is gonna be a fucking cowboy. He goes over to Saxon, flips his table over and manhandles him. Probably my least favorite scene. You know a surly Saxon would have whooped Neil’s bitch ass in moments.
Neil and Saxon go to a church. Neil steals Saxons liquor bottle, dumps in and collects holy water. Then he goes and steals a crucifix from the church. Back at the hospital, Nancy is trying to see Kristin, and Max is cock blocking her. He isn’t letting her get near her due to all the deaths. Nancy mindfucks Max with pity and he lets her see the remaining group, Taryn, Will, and Taryn. Saxon pulls up to a junkyard, this is where Freddy is buried. Why does John Saxon have a key to the lock to the gate of this junkyard? Why?
Nancy does a last group session. Kinkaid is gonna whoop Freddy’s ass all over dreamland. Drink. Time to go under hypnosis again. 2 out of these 3 characters are about to have a bad time, mmmkay. They fall asleep and end up in Kristin’s room. They sense he is near. The walls are tearing, lots of feathers floating around.
Now we are back to Kristin’s house and her bedroom. Her bitch of a mom comes in bitching about the music. This is basically the opening scene of the movie between these 2. Hahaha, Freddy wants to know where the fucking burbon is. He cuts the mom’s head off, the head still bitches at kristin. Kristin does her lame ass acrobatic flip, and ends up in freddy’s house.
Now we go to Taryn who is in a creepy back alley. There’s some graffiti that says freddy x Taryn. Out comes Freddy, and she is taking him on with her switch blades. She stabs him and he acts wounded. he is fucking with her. His fingers become needles and they make reference to her drug past. He injects her up against a wall, and Freddy states “What a rush”. She dead.
Here’s Will in a weird alley, and a bad ass wheelchair with spikes is at the end of this hall. It turns towards him. Freddy tells him to take a seat and also says it it will be back in the saddle again. Both enjoyable. Will turns into the wizard master and he looks like Dracula and charges Freddy with his green magic bolts thinking he’s gonna hurt Freddy. Freddy picks him up by the throat, mocks him and stabs him in the gullet.
Kristin and Nancy re-unite in a room, then Kinkaid breaks throug a wall. Kinkaid is calling Freddy out. Keep in mind, Kinkaid is wearing a bright red tanktop and has suspenders on. Awesome. A door pops up. Then the quote, “Nancy, it’s a door”. Yup, that happened.
Saxon and Neil find the Cadillac with the bones. It looks like the car from part one if I’m not mistaken. Somebody who knows cars can correct me on that. Neil pops open the hood, Saxon wants to leave, but Neil stole the keys to the car. What a dick. He throws Saxon a shovel, and now they are gonna have a funeral/burial.
Back to Nancy, Kristin, and Kinkaid, they are in the fiery pit place with Joey, and there is Freddy laughing, looking awesome. Nancy tells Freddy to let him go, so Freddy obliges, then they say No. Well dumbass, think before you speak. Kristin attacking Freddy with her flips. Nancy makes the dive and grabs Joey. Kinkaid lifts the both up. Freddy just pulled a Shawn Michaels and “kipped up”. Nancy shoved a rod through Freddy as he has Kinkaid picked up by the throat. Freddy opens his shirt to reveal a bunch of faces on his torso, those of his victims.
Neil and Saxon are digging a hole. Saxon hears a noise. Cars are starting up, lights turning on, horns are honking, it’s pretty creepy. Some vehiclees fall on Saxon’s ride. they are pinched. Saxon tells Neil to bury the bones. And up pops a claymation looking skeletal Freddy. He killed Saxon. Fuck. He just bopped Neil on the head with the shovel. The skeleton pumps its arms up in victory, and then crumbles.
The group is now in a room full of mirrors and Freddy starts harassing them and is in every mirror and is grabbing each person, pulling them through the mirror. Joey is a bitch and hiding in the corner. He gets up and everybody got pulled through and Joey lets out a primal scream and breaks all the mirrors. Everybody pops out of the mirrors and back in the room. Joey’s dream power is to scream. Good for him. Saxon appears and tells Nancy he has passed on in a different room and they hug. Sure enough it was freddy and he stabs her in the gut with the glove. Kristin was also in the room. The door shut and he attacks Kristin. Nancy leaps up and with her final ounce of power makes Freddy stab himself. Neil gets up, tosses the bones in the hole, does a little ashes to ashes shit and Freddy gets got. Shitty way to off him, but better than some other awful tactics. Actually, aside from Freddy’s Dead and the first one, this made the most sense. Just saying.
Now they are at Nancy’s funeral. Neil see the nun, so he goes chasing after her. He doesn’t find her, but sees the gravestone labelled Amanda Krueger and he realizes she was his mom. We see Kristin sleeping and the camera pans over to the house she made, and suddenly a light comes on in one of the rooms. Cue the credits, and more importantly, Dokken singing Dream Warriors. God this is such a great song. How many actual songs are good that are made for horror films? It’s a huge rarity. “We’re the dream warriors, ain’t gonna dream no more”. Even with a headache, I am still jamming out. Can’t help it. Mind you without this song, this movie would still be my favorite, but this is the cherry on top no doubt.
I almost need a breather after this because I get overly pumped and if I watch 4 after, it is always a slight disappointment, even though it is my second favorite of the franchise. May have to play a video game or something for a few minutes.
Editor’s note, and by that I mean me. I forgot to give this a score. Obviously it’s a 9.2. Just saying.
Finally, here’s a link to the music video
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- New Line Cinema (presents)
- Heron Communications (presents)
- Smart Egg Pictures (presents)
- Third Elm Street Venture (copyright owner)
Please go find a copy and support the creators.