Here’s a movie that I never would have watched without doing something inane like Chick Flick February, or Fuckeroo February, depend on how you feel. This cast is pretty stacked, 35 years later. We have Richard Gere (Zack Mayo), David Keith (Sid Worley), Robert Loggia (Byron), Louis Gossett Jr. (Sgt Emil Foley), and of course David Caruso (Topper Daniels). It’s over 2 hours. Yay.
Holy balls, young Richard Gere is weird to look at. Robert Loggia is the fucking man. Zack’s mom died when he was like 12, and he meets up with his dad in the Philippines, and his dad is Byron, and Byron has 2 hot Philippine chicks. That’s something I’ve always wanted. I don’t need Japanese or Chinese, but Philippine, hell yeah! Anyway, Byron wants Zach to move back to Virginia since Byron is in the Navy and is out at sea so often. Well, Zack is grown up, and he is getting on his motorcycle and off to join the Navy, with his terrible tattoo. The director’s last name is Hackford. Oh no.
David Keith’s hair is great, as it was in Firestarter. What the fuck? Why is this just a remake of the beginning of Full Metal Jacket? Why? Does every introductory talk have to be about eyeball fucking, steers and queers, and other such cliches. Now I want to see Full Metal Jacket. Gere with the short hair can pass as a relative of Shane from Walking Dead. The sing-a-longs in this have been great. Perryman is played by the same dude that was Griff in Married With Children. Shiiiiiit.
So we have this dance thing, and Mayo and Worley meet up with the 2 chicks they saw earlier. Morley is getting some action, Mayo is getting some too. Good for them. Really would have liked to have seen Lynette’s breasts, but I come in expecting nothing. Louis Gossett doing karate was delightful. Well, Gere kicked some dude’s ass who stepped up to him outside a bar. Then he pissed off Paula in a motel. He’s doing alright. I seriously hate fights then end with kissing. Just beat the hell out of each other until you of you die. How hard is that? GAWD! He’s got on those boxers with no button for a fly. I hate those. Why is this the hot chick? She’s got such a flat body, and kinda pretty. Like, at least Keira Knightley in Love Actually was incredibly pretty in the face and had a too thin body. Just saying. Actually, Seeger with the wet hair suddenly got hotter. Maybe she has a chance. I’m enjoying this crashing into the pool exercise/training. David Caruso dropped out. Awww, damn.
Haha, Foley found Mayo’s stock of shined boots and buckles. Richard Gere is doing a fine job so far in this. I keep waiting for this movie to hit me with something obnoxious. And then they showed me a boob, cool man, cool. And booty, not much of one, but it keeps a man going. Lynette is a scheming HO bag, thinking about trying to get knocked up by Morley. We just found out that Paula’s real dad was a Naval Officer candidate just like Zack. Well, we just found out that Morley has a girl, Susan, back home that he plans on marrying, who was hid dead bro’s chick.
Paula is now getting blown off by Mayo. Lynette hasn’t had her period, so Morley is a tad concerned. There’s our feel good moment, as Mayo had a chance at breaking the record, but helped Seeger get over the wall for the first time. Now Sid has dropped out by his own request, Mayo and Foley have a big blow up. That was pretty solid. Man, Sid just proposed to Lynette, and she is pissed that he D.O.R.’d, but he is confident that everything will work o……she’s not pregnant. We have a case of Uh Oh for poor Sid. Damn. She won’t marry him. Fuckin A. Poor dude. This bitch is shallow as hell, and now she is bitching him out for D.O.R.-ing. I have a bad feeling Sid is going to kill himself. Mayo and Paula show up at Lynette’s and Mayo gives her a bunch of shit, and rightfully so. Bitch played Sid. Mayo and Paula go to the Motel where Sid is. Yup, Sid hung himself. That’s sad.
Mayo is having and angry pity party and Paula confesses her love for him, so he leaves angrily. Mayo comes back, requests to DOR and now him and Foley are set to fight it out in the blimp hanger. What the hell just happened? Suddenly we have Bloodsport going on here. I’m impressed that they took it to this level.
Now we are at graduation, and they are taking the oath, and there’s Mayo. He stayed, good for him. Wait, the Simpsons parodied this scene, with the music. Holy balls, I love finding out shit like this. Even down to her putting the hat on her head. HAHAHAHA, holy shit, Love Lift Us Up is now playing. That’s great. Now I get that Family Guy reference.
End Film
I could handle watching this again. It was long, but good. I have seen way worse. The acting was pretty solid, lots of likable actors and characters. I have very few complaints compared to what I normally have. I really enjoyed Louis, David, Loggia, and Gere. Plus it was so satisfying seeing Griff in a movie. I’ll comfortably give this a 6.4.
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