Man, this only has a 6.6 and you’re left wondering, were people watching the same movie that I was? Or were they too dimwitted to either get it or be ashamed that they didn’t get it so they didn’t give it as high of a rating? Once you accept that there isn’t a ton to get and it’s a crazy-ass fever dream, you should just be happy.
I regret popping popcorn, or do I? I’m excited. It’s been 2 years since I last saw this.
Start Film
This movie starts right off with 2 people having sex in Morningside cemetery. We see some titties, Tommy is happy, and the girl takes out a dagger, stabs him, and then turns into Angus Scrimm. What a start!!!
We meet Jody and Reggie, they both knew Tommy. This funeral parlor is so nice and fancy. Oh, and what do I hear? Per closed captioning, I hear Warbling. This place feels like something straight out of a Kubrick movie, and I feel like Malcolm McDowell should be in this. We meet Mike outside, on his dirt bike. He is Jody’s younger brother. He also hears warbling, and there are creatures hiding in the cemetery. The Tall Man informs Jody that the funeral is about to begin. He has such a great voice. Mike is spying on the procession from afar. Jody and Reggie leave, but Mike witnesses the Tall Man lift up the casket by himself and put it in the hearse. Paul Bearer would be impressed.
Mike visits a fortune teller. He’s worried about Jody leaving again. The 2 brothers have the time covered in fashion, Jody in a leather jacket and Mike is Denim Dan. We find out that Mike and Jody’s parents have been dead for 2 years, and Jody is gonna have Mike live with his aunt, and he ain’t gonna like it. Back to the scene with Mike spying on Tall Man, and he goes to leave on his bike but it appears that Tall Man can make Mike fall. At the fortune teller’s, the blonde girl Sally, tells him to put his hand in this box that hurts him, but it was supposedly just fear. Mike leaves and the blonde and grandma have an awkward laugh that kinda lasts longer than expected.
Reggie is in his Ice Cream Man outfit with the truck. Reggie is a series favorite. Time for him and Mike to just randomly jam out on guitar. Sally is at the funeral home. Jody Goes to a bar, and Mike is still following him. Jody sees the girl in lavender and talks to her and they go outside. Alllllright. They go to the cemetery. What could go wrong? She wants to do the one fun thing in this town. So Jody’s dick is the one fun thing in this town? Hello titties, again. We missed you. Mike is watching and there is some serious warbling. Mike, do you like watching your bro pound meat? A little Jawa-looking mother fucker chases Mike. Jody has a witty comment. Jody isn’t happy but gives Mike the keys and tells him to go home. Now get back to Miss Lavender.
Mike has a dream with the Tall Man standing over him and 2 dead bodies pop up out of graves to attack him. The actual music in this is really solid. The next day, Mike is in town. Reggie is loading the ice cream cooler, and Tall Man walks by and drinks it all in.
At night, Mike is working on Jody’s car but is interrupted by warbling and movement. The car falls off the jacks, and Jody is there and this seems perfectly normal. I feel like there should have been more to that scene or no scene at all. Plus Mike hammers Jody’s foot with very little consequences. Mike goes to Morningside at night, alone. Smart! Mike kicks out a window so he can break in. Smarter! I love how the mannequin’s head falls, Mike catches it, and couldn’t be calmer. A dude enters so Mike hides in a casket. Tall Man is here too. Now Mike is snooping around in the mausoleum. This is the smartest move yet. He hears snarling and runs away but a silver ball that flies gives chase. The first guy catches him, but Mike frees himself and the silver ball has blades, a drill, and a bloody exit hole to kill this dude. These balls are referred to as Sentinels. I thought they were called cuisinarts. Tall Man sees the dead Caretaker and Mike. They approach each other and then Mike runs away and escapes, but the Tall man’s hand is caught in the door. Mike just cuts his fingers off and the fingers move and there is yellow blood. The jawas chase Mikle but he escapes. Mike comes home and sleeps on the stairs with a shotty and a wooden box with a finger and yellow mustard blood.
The next day Mike explains what happened. They’re gonna go to the police. Mike goes to get the box, but something isn’t right. The finger is now a giant unruly fly that the boys cover with Mike’s denim jacket. They put it in the garbage disposal. Then Reggie shows up. The Fly is still alive and attacks. They get it back down the sink with Jody being Captain Stabbin’. Reggie is confused. Jody gives Mike great advice on only shooting his gun to kill. He is actually going to leave Mike home alone at night. What the fuck did you do during the day? It’s as if the timing is very peculiar.
Jody enters through the broken window and is assaulted by a Jawa, that he shoots. As he runs away, the hearse lights come on and try to run over Jody. He fires but misses. A few seconds later, Mike arrives in Jody’s car, a black Plymouth Barracuda. The hearse gives chase. Yes, a car chase! Jody shoots up the hearse. It goes off the side of the road. Time to inspect. It was a Jawa driving! The Jawa is Tommy, but smaller. What a tweest!!! Jody calls Reggie to come help them out. They put Tommy in with the ice cream and go home. Reggie is very cautious, lingering behind. Then he is startled by Myrtle. Who the fuck is this middle-aged black lady? Reggie takes Mike to Sally’s. But seriously, who is Myrtle?
Mike is with Sally and Sue at this antique store. Mike finds old pictures and there he sees the Tall Man on like a wagon with horses. Mike insists that Sally brings him home. Reggie hears some weird noises in his ice cream truck. Jody dreams of being in the mausoleum with the Tall Man and getting dragged into one of those storage sections on the wall where they keep the bodies.
Mike and the girls see Reggie’s truck on its side. Mike investigates. Uh oh, the padlock on the back is broken. Will Tommy still be in there? There is yellow goo blood. Time to leave quickly. Mike tells them to hurry up and leave. Nope, girls gotta talk, Sally is attacked by a Jawa. This scene is fantastically absurd. I think Sue is a looker. Mike gets pushed out the back window into the road and the girls drive off. The fuck? Jody just has this thousand-mile stare. Mike makes it home. Where are the girls? Mike tells Jody that They got Sally, Susie, and Reggie. Jody insists on Mike staying there, Mike fights him and loses. Jody locks Mike in his room and wedges in a screwdriver. At least he still has a shotgun shell. And a hammer. And a thumbtack. Mike has ideas. He pushes the tack into the shell. Then he tapes that to the hammer head and then bangs it on the door and that worked. Would that really work? I know nothing about guns or ammunition. I’m a machete man. Mike gets to the front door, and there’s the Tall Man. He’s been waiting for Mike. He tosses him into the hearse.
They all end up back at Morningside. Mike shoots out the back window and a tire then leaps out of the vehicle unscathed and the car hits a pole and explodes. That seems just as reasonable as the hammer trick.
Jody opens up a casket but doesn’t look inside. Why? Well, Mike is in and a sentinel is on the prowl. I think Mike goes to the same casket. Oh, he has one small cut on his face. Mike opens it up and screams, but nothing is in there. It’s sentinel time…..nope Jody shot it. They go to this door and Reggie shows up from behind. He found Sally, Sue, and some other girls. He led them to a window and they scattered. That is a brilliant way to cut a lot of screen time.
Inside this room are a bunch of black barrels or containers and each one has a Jawa, or dwarf as Jody says. Oh yeah, there’s also a weird invisible portal in the room that Mike wants to keep sticking his hand into, until he is pulled in, kinda. It’s a red world full of Jawas doing work. Fortunately, Jody and Reggie snagged Mike. The dwarves are slaves. The bright room goes dark, but thankfully Mike has a lighter. And a Jawa attacks. But then calmness and then they all split up…..I guess. Jody is outside looking for Mike, and Reggie is still in the portal room, apparently not scared of Jawas. Outside, Lavender girl has a knife and is behind Jody. Reggie is getting slowly sucked into the portal for some unknown reason. Barrels are falling as if Donkey Kong was there. Reggie crawls out the door.
Mike is outside and looking for Jody, but it is super windy. Reggie makes it outside. Reggie finds Lavender and goes to save her because he’s the ladies’ man. She just stabbed him in the belly, of course. I was probably upset at that the first time I saw this, but come to find out, Reggie is cloaked in plot armor. He sees Lavender and Tall Man and they keep switching. Mike and Jody leave and the house has a weird glow to it, yellow to red to blue. The brothers make it home. Jody wants to lure the Tall Man to some local mineshaft that he doesn’t quite know where it is. Jody tells Mike to stay in the house, alone, again. I feel like this is like the 4th or 5th time in this movie that he’s done this. But Mike is actually listening for once. And then the Tall Man breaks through a window as if he were the Kool-Aid Man, OHYEAH!
Mike is walking slowly and gingerly to not make noise. Tall Man just blows open a door and says his famous “Boooy”. The Phantasm music hits and Tall Man gives chase. Mike decides to have no fear, but then some hands grab him in the mud. There’s Lavender, but Mike ain’t f’ing around. She has her knife and he has his. She just stands there with a smirk and he runs off. Mike stands for a second and he runs to the mineshaft. Tall Man is on his ass. Mike jumps the hole but the Tall Man falls. We see “boulders start rolling down into this fake fabric-ridden mineshaft. It looked so fake.
Back home, Mike tells Reggie that those rocks won’t hold the Tall Man. Mike talks about how the Tall Man took his parents away and took away Jody. Mike has just woke up from a dream and is having this conversation with Reggie, apparently. Did he sleep by the fire? Did he wake up and Reggie was just there? Jody died in a car wreck, apparently. Mike simply had a bad dream. Reggie is gonna take care of Mike. Reggie wants to hit the road for a few weeks. But who is gonna sell ice cream? He tells Mike to pack some shit and get going. He plays his guitar.
Mike is up in his room and has a picture of Jody. He moves his closet door and in the mirror reflection, there’s the Tall Man. “Boooy” and then arms grab Mike and pull him through the mirror. It looked better than what they did to Nancy’s mom in Nightmare on Elm Street.
End Film
Just to be clear, I know this film is confusing, this franchise is confusing. Aside from the last few minutes, this was all just a dream of Mike’s as a way to cope with Jody’s death. But how do you explain the Tall Man at the end, and Mike’s apparent capture? Hell if I know. You’re gonna have to check out the sequel for those answers. I think I had Sally and Susie mixed up based on the end credits. Oh well.
Not everyone loves the idea of “it was all just a dream”, but this was the fever dreams that nightmare fuel is made out of. Not some lame-ass ending to a TV series, not Shutter Island, not Identity. Without this film, we don’t get those movies, or even something like Braid. The thing is, I can go back to the tried and true Twilight Zone for an earlier version of this dream story.
With that being said, the dream aspect allowed for everything to not make sense, look bad, the timeframes not working, and lots of logistic problems. Let’s be real, that one thing allowed them to make this film on a lower budget, thankfully.
I can’t sit here and tell you that this is a masterpiece on the same level as The Shining, The Ring, or The Exorcist. What I can say is that if those are A-level, no refuse to participate in S-level bullshit, then this movie is a high B-level. There are a lot of great movies on this level. This was very inventive, moody, grim at times, and had tits. It gave the traditional viewer what they were looking for in the zaniest of ways. I know this got a 6.6 on IMDB, and I’m not going to go overboard here, but I think it is a bit better.
Final Rating – 7.7 – I almost went with a lower score, but the music in this is absolutely fantastic. Some of the most overlooked music in the horror genre. Hell, I failed to give it its due when we did the music/soundtrack podcast. The settings are great, a house, cemetery, mausoleum, bar, and a few other locales. But a lot of it feels like anything could happen. I highly recommend this one.
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- New Breed Productions Inc.
- Bad Robot (remaster)
Please go find a copy and support the creators.