They only waited 4 years for the next in the franchise. I expect a lower budget and more desolate scenery. Will Tim return? It sounds like they didn’t have the budget to do the original idea. Also, there appear to have been at least 4 different ideas for this project, and Bruce Campbell was pitched in one of them. That would have been fun. The last one lacked a great soundtrack, so hopefully we get back to that great music. Also, after some fan backlash, this one tones down on the comedy. I hate to say this, but fuck the fans!! Just make your vision. We see this too often and it’s a huge overreaction to minor things.
Due to time restraints, I may not be as descriptive as I would like to be This got a 5.5 on IMDB, so we’re below the 6 but above the 5.
Start Film
We’re in a graveyard, and there’s a vehicle. We enter the mausoleum and there’s Tall Man walking along. He looks rough but he is flanked by 2 balls. Mike is driving a hearse and he looks a bit older. Some flashbacks, but without the normal storytelling. I don’t think this was a great way to begin for people who don’t know the story. It’s kind of a mess. Mike now gives a voiceover giving an explanation. Mike fled into the wastelands to escape his transformation. Reggie is still held up by balls. When Reggie is let go, his elbow pushes into the fake marble wall. I love this series. Tall Man is just playing with Reggie. He calls Reggie Small Man. The final game now begins. Tobin Bell may disagree.
I bet the marketing geniuses blew their loads when they realized there is an IV in the word OBLIVION.
Let’s go back in time to some old footage that had been lost with Reggie the ice cream man and young Mike hitching a ride. This footage actually looks super clean compared to the newer stuff. Mike steals an ice cream bar. Good on him. The next day the Tall Man arrived. Mike and Jody pass by the Morningside hearse. Tall Man drove over the dog that was chasing the guys. Why doesn’t Mike currently have the golden eyes? Also, why is there a big truck driving at night? Aren’t we like in the “end times” or perhaps not yet? There’s an old lady who sits next to Mike briefly, I think she was the fortune teller from the original.
Reggie is fixing the front tires because they got blown out in III, I like the continuity. Jody Ball is still with Reggie. Jody Ball is Mike’s brother Jody but in black ball/sphere form. Reggie doesn’t want to go chase down Mike, but Jody encourages him to. We see all 3 jamming out playing music like a middle-aged rock group. Jody tells him to drive southwest a few hundred miles.
Mike sees Tall Man in the hearse with him, and his brakes don’t work. Mike says No, and Tall Man says Yes Boy. Mike can’t exit the car. The car will drive itself. The casket in the back is a portal to the red world. They’re heading to Death Valley. Mike decides to check out the portal.
A cop pulls Reggie over. Who is left in civilization? I’m confused by this. The cop walks behind his own car and seems to disappear. He finds a demon body in the trunk and the cop is a demon. Reggie wants the shotgun in the cop car. The cop is on the roof so Reggie just pulls the trigger. The cop oozes honey mustard into Reggie’s mouth. They apparently needed to do that take five times. That sounds awful. The cop is up so time to fight. Reggie gets him in the backseat and puts a nightstick through the chest. And now he has a road flare. He puts it in the gas tank and runs like hell. The cop gets out of the car covered in flames but eventually falls to the ground.
Mike writes letters in the back of the hearse via candlelight and the Jawas watch him from the outside. Now we get flashbacks to the Civil War era, I think, and there’s the Tall Man with his big needle ramming it up a guy’s nose. Looked pleasant, like a COVID test.
Reggie finds a relatively attractive girl, Jennifer. I bet she won’t be used to manipulate Reggie in some way, and I bet he won’t be trying to get in her pants. I’d probably lose both bets. He doesn’t even say hi to her. How many people are left?
Mike tries to hang himself out in the desert from this weird-looking tree. He’s dangling, but off in the distance is the Tall Man whispering to him. More flashbacks to Mike at 13. Mike did lynch Tall Man back then, I guess. There’s the old dagger, and Tall Man convinces Mike to cut him down. In real-world time, the rope snaps and Mike is still alive. Tall Man tells him that he’s been waiting for him for a very long time. Mike cannot take his own life. Tall Man tells him to come along, they got things to do. Mike doesn’t want to. He sees a portal and gets up. Tall Man warns him to be careful of what he’s looking for.
Mike is in an office or an old-time science lab. I swear, the architecture for these homes is all so similar. Mike goes outside and finds the Tall Man on the porch, but he is very friendly and offers lemonade. He realizes that Mike came from a dimensional fork. Jebediah is Tall Man’s name, and there’s the old lady who was in the car with Mike earlier. Mike runs for the portal, but it doesn’t work as intended. He tries cranking on some gears. I just did this 2 days ago in a video game called Remnant 2, in a clock tower. Mike goes back through the portal. Ends up in the desert with several other portals.
Reggie is following a car, presumably Jennifer’s car. It’s her. Awww, they smile at each other. Then she flips her car trying to avoid a turtle. That was a big-ass turtle. Reggie to the rescue. The car is on fire, and he tells her to get away before it explodes, she says that only happens in the movies, and then it explodes.
Mike keeps thinking about the sphere in his head. He has a scorpion crawl on his leg. And then a rock falls on the scorpion because Mike has telekinetic powers now. He also squashed a Jawa with a boulder. Jody appears to Mike so they can have brotherly conversations. They made great use of the lost old footage. Mike says that he can’t trust Jody but can trust Reggie.
Jennifer introduces herself to Reggie. She has a blue flannel, Reggie has a nice brown and turquoise flannel. He is always dressed for comfort.
Jody tries to describe what he went through to get back to him. How he was taken. Really, no mention of Tim, by the way. In the bedroom flashback, Jody saw Tall Man in the mirror. Goodness, there are so many portals all set up in a massive grid. Also, I feel it is taking Mike a lot longer to repair the vehicle than it did when he was 13. I know he had better tools and less stress. Just saying.
Reggie finds a place to break into for the night, he calls it affordable-looking, hahaha. She isn’t liking this. Reggie needs a good night’s rest. Reggie making hotel jokes to impress Jen. Mike is outside by a fire. He visualizes stuff with the car and fixing it. Jen is changing and going over the whole Tall Man thing. Jen is in her panties behind a see-through curtain. We’re gonna get dick teased, aren’t we? She comes out covering her tits. She is dismissive of the Tall Man story. She asks for a shirt, he gives her a red flannel. Okay, she’s wearing the shirt and panties. Reggie rubs her arm, but she has a lame policy about dealing with people with more problems than she has. Yup, blue balls city, population Reggie.
Reggie dreams of waking up in the graveyard. Reggie is startled by Tall Man Mike. He wakes up and her shirt is mostly unbuttoned and he is drinking it all in. Her tits are moving though. Not exactly optimal. He opens up her shirt and she has spheres for tits. Every guy watching that was severely disappointed and half the women too. He destroys one boob ball, the other drills his hand. Fortunately, he has the power of the tuning fork, which they never truly delved into in prior films adequately enough. Demon Jen grabs his leg, says they aren’t done yet, and then Reggie uses the old hammer to end that scene.
Mike goes through another portal, and ends up on the streets of LA, I think. They somehow got the shot guerilla-style because it is always so busy. The Tall Man approaches. They basically had 10 minutes and got the shots they needed. Good for them. Jody is there and mentions it’s not so much where they are but when they are.
Reggie is driving and ignores the infamous “DANGER” sign on the road. I don’t know why, but that makes me chuckle. Reggie gets geared up, locked and loaded, and dressed as the ice cream man. If that didn’t get a pop from long-time fans, I would be shocked. Mike is basically doing an episode of Quantum Leap at this point. Drake’s coffee cakes are amazing, but so damn messy. Reggie is looking around, a Jawa approaches from behind. He smells something weird, has his gun angled, and pulls the trigger because he’s the fucking man. Reloading that must be a bitch. He kills off 2 more. And kills another in the car. Then another leaps on him, so he gets use out of the switchblade. Then another attack so he uses his handgun. Basically, that was the scene so Reggie could look like a badass. Mike and Jody appear through the portal. Mike tells Reggie not to trust Jody. Now they are gonna time travel to the beginning. So they can pick and choose?
We’re back to friendly Tall Man. We see him have his aha moment for the portals. But he can’t see Mike and Jody. Why can’t he? Mike sees the picture he saw way back in the original, I think. Mike goes to stab him, but they are in different dimensions. Jody says that Jebediah Morningside never comes back. Tall Man returns so Mike leaves. “And so it begins,” says the Tall Man. Now we’re in a graveyard. Mike calls for Jody. Jody just turned heel and tried to hurt Mike with a ball. Mike slices Jody’s hand and stabs him. Mike won’t be like Jody, supposedly. As Mike walks away, another Jody grabs him from behind and they go through a portal. Mike is being held down on a table by Jody as Tall Man approaches. Time to do a minor operation on the skull. Mike drops his dagger as his head is being sawed into. Mike uses the tuning fork and they freeze up. The saws get Jody in the throat, and the Tall Man freezes. Jody says that he did die in the car wreck. The Tall Man steals the tuning fork.
Mike portals to Reggie. Reggie doesn’t have another tuning fork. Reggie is waiting with his shotgun. The Tall Man comes out of the portal, Reggie backs up and pulls the trigger, but it doesn’t fire. The Tall Man tosses Reg to the ground. Tall Man says that it’s time now, Boy. Mike agrees and sends his own sphere at the Tall Man. Mike looks confident in his plan. The car is smoking and then explodes as the Tall Man looks inside. Is that really enough though? Nope.
The Tall Man comes through the portal again. This dude has his shit together. He pries Mike’s head open and takes out the ball. Does Mike have a brain still? Then the Tall Man approaches the portal, turns around, and then goes through. Mike has to have a headache, right? Mike tells Reg that he’s dying. Reg says that he’s coming right back for him. Reg grabs his gun and heads through the portal. Who is controlling where Reg is going though?
We get a flashback to young Mike hearing Reggie say that Mike is still alive. Reg picks him up in the ice cream truck. Reg hears Mike say that he’s dying. Mike tells him that it’s just the wind. They drive off into the darkness. No mirror grab. Was this meant to be the finale?
End Film
The wheels are starting to fall off a bit here. This is a movie that is only for fans of the franchise. Imagine if this was your first Phantasm movie. You’d be so confused. Even fans of the franchise can be a bit confused while watching. No shame in that!
I hated how Tim’s story didn’t continue. He looked to be poised to have a big role given how 3 ended. I’m not sure why that changed it. I know that they wanted to go back to their roots and be done with the comedy, but Tim would be 4 years older and could have become more stoic. They could have used Tim as a lure to get Mike back to the Tall Man. It seemed like they had possibilities.
The positives are the unused footage from the original. That’s a real treat. The other big draw is the song during the credits called “Have You Seen It” by Reggie B and the Jizz Wallin’ Ya Doggies. That is Reggie’s actual band. This looks good for what they were trying to accomplish.
Final Rating: 5.8 – I have read some reviews on this. A few people mentioned that this could have used a longer runtime. I think that is fair, If they had the budget and desire to dive a bit deeper, even 20-30 minutes, this movie could have actually surpassed the third one. Did they have enough story to do that? I have no idea. I can’t give this a 6 because you would be utterly confused and turned off by this movie with no prior Phantasm experience.
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