I think I saw this once and felt underwhelmed. I don’t remember it at all. I think I rented it. Looking at the cast, it’s stacked. Robert Rodriguez is the producer, so that gives me hope. We have Adrien Brody (Royce), Topher Grace (Edwin), Alice Braga (Isabelle), Laurence Fishburne (Ronald Noland), Walton Goggins (Stans), Danny Trejo (Cuchillo), Derek Mears (Classic Predator), and Mahershalalhashbaz Ali (Mombasa). Just look at that magnificent name. It’s a cast of names that we know, but I’m not sure how well we knew Alice or Walton then. Topher often feels miscast. Adrien Brody is quite good with complex characters, but will this really be his thing? I am partially expecting Laurence to carry this film with a little help from Trejo before he inevitably gets got.
My early impression of this film is that it is like Cube, only in a jungle that has multiple Predators. So maybe Cube meets Surviving The Game? Man, I was spot on with my Cube comparison because the group even questions if they are all dead or in Hell. They are on a different planet. Topher Grace actually is cast as simply a doctor, that works better than trying to make him Johnny Badass. I also love that we have a member of the Yakuza involved.
Okay, 21 minutes in and now it is time to realistically hedge my best on survivors. As much as I like Yakuza Guy, his name is Hanzo, him, Trejo, Russian guy, named Nikolai, of course, I think they’re all prime early death candidates. We haven’t seen Laurence yet, so I don’t know what he brings to the table. Mombasa or Stans could be a dark horse candidate to make it to the final 3. That’s really what we’re looking at, right? We have 9 in total. Edwin, the doctor, seems like a middle-round guy, but I’m not sure about the final 3. It feels like Royce and Isabelle are guaranteed 2 of the final spots. I don’t want to go for the easy pick of Edwin or Ronald. I pick Stans as the unlikely guy to make it to the final 3. I haven’t read ahead. This will probably be made abundantly clear when he dies next, but I’m just gonna have fun with this. I don’t remember this movie at all. I may have been very drunk.
Okay, here is my order of people dying from first to the final person standing.
9. Hanzo
8. Nikolai
7. Cuchillo
6. Mombasa
5. Ronald
4. Edwin
3. Stans
2. Royce
1. Isabelle
I have some tiny liquor bottles. I will drink one for every guess that I get right. Let’s have fun. It’s October!!!
The sky certainly has a different view. Stans has only a knife. Now if my experience in playing Resident Evil 4, 5, & 6 has taught me anything, it’s that you can make this work, with timing and perseverance. Also, there are a bunch of horned animals running at the group. Edwin has no weapon though. You can’t do much like that. Cuchillo is spotted away from the group saying Help Me, but it’s a trap. Isabelle wastes a bullet, but he’s already dead. Okay, one wrong so far.
They find a camp, lots of dead stuff, and the Classic Predator tied up. Mombasa is dead. Nice reference to the original film. Haha, per Stans, 5 o’clock is fine-ass bitch raping time.
They set up a trap and this was a good scene. But the Predator is behind Royce….or not. It is Ronald Noland and he has a full set of Predator gear. He’s the one that got away. The one that you don’t fuck with. He’s got a pretty nice setup here. Hell, he even has electricity.
We learn that Ronald has killed 2, maybe 3 of the Predators. He has been there for about 10 hunting seasons. Every season, they return in three’s. They adapt every season. Ronald also has an invisible friend. He was the character that this film needed. After Ronald tries to take everyone out via smoke inhalation, he gets got. Not only am I zero for three, the way the deaths have occurred, I can only get 4 correct now. I have a feeling I may only drink 1 or 2 bottles tonight.
By the way, Brody added 25 pounds of muscle for this role, and it shows. He’s an interesting choice for the role. My question is a simple one. Why the hell didn’t Stans get a damn weapon? It honestly makes no damn sense!! Edwin, how did you possibly get this separated from the group? Nikola makes the ave for Edwin, like a damn fool. I’m not sure if the Predator cares to hunt Edwin. Niko gets got, but was also rigger with an explosive. Stans is pumped that they killed one. But they hunt in threes. Duh. Niko took out the Tracker. Right now, the Berserker is with the group. There is also a Falconer. Good to know. Stans gets up and stabs the shit out of Berserker. Ohhhh, he just ripped out Stans’ spine and head. Where is the Mortal Kombat guy to say “Finish Him”?
My final four picks were Edwin, Stans, Royce, and Isabelle. I debated between Mombasa and Stans. I had Hanzo going out first. Damn. But at most, I am only drinking 3 bottles now. This is gonna be interesting. Hazon is hanging back with his sword to give us this open-field samurai fight. It totally belongs in this movie. If Hanzo hadn’t lost 2 of his fingers for talking, I feel that he’d have done better. Well shit, he took out Famconer and dies as well. Okay, at most, I am only drinking 2 bottles. Edwin must die next for this to be a possibility.
Edwin steps on a trap and his leg is F’d. Royce wants to leave him behind. Isabelle already talked about how she regrets just leaving behind one of her people. Isabelle tells Royce to just go without them. Hahaha, Edwin tells her that she should have gone with him. Royce was right in wanting to booby-trap Edwin. Royce’s plan is to free the captured classic Predator and have him fly them out of there.
Edwin and Isabelle just got trapped in a net. Berserker tosses them in a pit near OG Pred and Royce. Pred on Pred violence. Royce takes off. Dude, you’re playing this wrong. You help OG to guarantee survival. The ship has come down for boarding. The Pred like to headbutt a lot. Berserker just beheaded OG. Isabelle promises that when it’s time, she’ll do them in quickly. He says nope and cuts her with his little scalpel that had poison on it from earlier. There’s the heel turn. Man, my predictions are in serious trouble. Oh, it’s not poison, just a neurotoxin. That’s better…right? Berserker is disappointed in seeing the ship leave, so he self-destructs it. Obviously, Royce wasn’t on there. If you think that he was then I can safely assume that you have seen less than 20 movies in your life.
Edwin reveals that he is a murderer. Royce comes back and gets both out of the pit. Isabelle drops her gun. She is just messed up. Edwin goes for the sneaky kill but Royce is faster and kills Edwin. Okay, well my final two picks are in play. Hahaha, Berserker casually stabs Edwin and then flips him over, and there were a lot of grenades attached to him. Brody has to take the shirt off to show the ladies how jacked he got. Also, we’re doing another finale involving heat vision. Brody is down. Isabelle is now able to move, just in time. With a neurotoxin, she should definitely be able to aim a sniper rifle, right? She takes the shot as Royce is about to get killed. Berserker shoots her. Royce chops the Berserker, cutting off their arms and then the head. Isabelle is still alive. Well, technically I got 2 right, I guess. I didn’t expect 2 survivors. Thanks for finally giving us their names with a minute to go.
The next day, they see parachutes in the air. Then we get Long Tall Sally playing!!!! This is the happiest I have been during this whole film.
Alright, this wasn’t bad. I really remember not liking this movie, but this all felt new to me. So putting aside my lack of memory, let’s focus on the now.
Brody wasn’t a bad lead, but to be honest, I’m indifferent. I will tell you that Jon Berenthal would have been a better fit. Alice Braga, Goggins, Fishburne, and even Topher were quite good. I would say that Laurence stole the show, but he had a goofy, eccentric character that was memorable. I’m not sure if I cared about any of the characters. I think I would have liked Niko, Hanzo, and Mombasa if we were given a little more time with the characters, but I understand why they didn’t.
Visually, this looked quite nice. The pacing was only average. I like the story of just being flown in to get hunted. There were times when I wasn’t enthralled and didn’t mind being distracted. I can’t say the same for Prey or the original Predator. The more I think about it, this doesn’t stand out because the characters simply weren’t strong enough. If you take away Ronald, no other character stood out all that much, or if they did, it was very briefly. The main characters lacked the charisma that Arnold had. I get what they were trying to do, but if I had heard this movie pitched, I would have given them the same notes now. Leads need to be more likable or have more charisma.
Now I am left asking myself, would I watch this again? I am not sure that I would aside from doing a Predator marathon when I know I can fuck off and do other things while boring parts are happening. It’s a shame because conceptually, this is actually better than the original. It’s kind of a shame.
It is kinda funny. The first review I see on IMDB discusses how good the action is, but that this film needs another 20-30 minutes more to flesh out the characters better so we could give a damn. That’s what I’m saying!!!
Final Rating: 4.75 I can’t decide, so going with that. I wish it was better.
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- Troublemaker Studios
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