Once upon a time, probably 6-8 years ago, I watched Salem’s Lot for my October marathon. I want to post what I had to say about it.
“Sigh. I wanted to like this movie. I had never seen it, and I gave it a solid effort. but it just wasn’t happening for me. Maybe if I had seen it as a bright-eyed youngster, I would have all these fond memories clouding my better judgment. This was fine for what it was as a TV movie. It just….fell awfully flat for me. I’m not going to trash this movie as I respect it, I just didn’t like it. Giving it a 4 with the impression that someday I will try to rewatch it and hope I like it better. Sorry, I’m not going to always like these classic films. By the way, a young Fred Willard is in this, as is George Dzunda from The Deer Hunter, so I clearly can’t hate it. Just wasn’t for me. This is a time where I am gonna say my opinion is worthless.”
I offered nothing in the form of sensible critique. It was just another movie to get through. But a lot of people really like this film. I own it. I think it is time to revisit Salem’s Lot.
Start Salem’s Lot
We know that Tobe Hooper, director of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Poltergeist, Funhouse, and Lifeforce, was really solid back in those days. But by the 1990s, we got Night Terrors and The Mangler. He was reduced to doing mostly TV series episodes. He did a couple of episodes of Masters of Horror, including Dance of the Dead, which I liked, and The Damned Thing, which was a mixed bag for me. So we have Tobe in his prime, so I am stoked about that.
Ximico, Guatemala
Not enough films start in Ximico, am I right? Ohhh, glowing holy water looks cool, and another has found them. Ohhh, did I see Bonnie Bedelia’s name? She plays Bruce Willis’ wife, Holly, in Die Hard.
2 Years in earlier in Salem’s Lot
The music is really good so far. Okay, so this blonde dude that we have been seeing is named Ben Mears. He is looking to rent a place in town for about 6 months. He is talking to Larry Crockett, played by Fred Willard, who I have long been a huge fan of. He wants to rent the Marsten house but that’s a no-go. Hmmm, is that how James Marsden got cast in The Stand 2020?
Ben creeps up on Susan who owns one of Ben’s books. She’s played by Bonnie. She’s a teacher and her dad’s a doctor. Alright, he’s gonna have dinner with her. He is really obsessed with this house. Isn’t it funny how you can show an older house at night, have 0-2 lights on, accompanied with creepy music, and that establishes the house as a place of evil? The man who resides at this house walks up behind Ben, they stare at each other, he says good evening, and then he keeps on walking. That guy’s name is Richard Straker. Straker is also opening up an antique shop. He should hang out with Leland Gaunt from Needful Things.
Crockett and Bonnie Sawyer that he works with have a fling going on. Weasel sees this and Constable Parkins Gillespie asks the old drunk why he’s spying on people. Ben has moved into a room at Eva Miller’s house. Okay, Parkins wants Weasel to keep an eye on Ben and has a sense of humor.
There’s Cully Sawyer, played by George Dzundza of Deer Hunter fame, and Bonnie comes home. Jesus, Crockett must have a death wish to chase her tail with that man as her husband. Maybe she is really good at…..cooking. She tells him not to get drunk tonight. Naturally, he asks her to get him another beer.
Ben has dinner with Susan and her folks Bill and Ann. Ohh, Weasel used to be married to Eva. In the kitchen, Ann asks Susan what Ben’s new book is about. Susan pauses and says that “It’s about two men.” Ann alarmingly looks at her and says “Oh no, not one of those.” I laughed, sorry, but that reaction was funny. Bill likes Ben, Ann isn’t a fan. Ben tells Susan that he is writing about the Marsten House. He asks her where they’re going, and she gives him 3 options and then chooses the lake. Well allllright. Ohhhh, she likes Ben. Time to get their kiss on.
Seriously, I don’t remember this movie at all and this is either the third or fourth time that I have seen it.
Fred Willard dressed all in white is quite the look. Straker needs 2 movers tonight for a new shipment that needs to be brought to the house’s cellar. Crockett needs to also get 4 hefty padlocks to lock up the house after the delivery is made. They keep talking about Mr. Barlow, who may be the one with all the money. I have no idea.
Ben visits the school where these kids are on stage doing some shit about the American Revolution and Ben talks to Mr. Jason Burke, who apparently used to be Ben’s teacher. That play was terrible.
Cully tries to recruit the gravedigger and another dude to help move the stuff tonight. Ben visits Susan, but her other boyfriend, Ned Tebbets, is waiting there for Susan. He knows that she’s been up at the lake. Ned drives away angrily. Cully jukes with Crockett to keep his hands off of Bonnie. Crockett is nervous. Cully has the gravedigger and Ned as his movers for tonight. Cully leaves the guys to take his truck and Cully has a 6 pack of beer and dislikes the barking dog, Faithful.
Cully is gonna try to catch Boom Boom Bonnie caught in the act with Crockett. Burke and Ben meet up at the bar. Faithful sounds to be in pain. A very fake-looking dog is now dead. Mike is the gravedigger’s name. Ned is obsessed with how cold this crate feels. They’re doing all this bullshit work for $50 shared. Hahaha, the crate is moving in the truck and the truck is getting overly cold.
Bonnie is looking sexy. Cully is outside drinking his beer. Those shorts are petite. She wants Crocket at her house in her bed. Is she wearing velour? Poor Crockett, he’s gonna get got.
Mark, one of the students that was on stage, is rehearsing for this pageant. Mark was the boy at the beginning with Ben. He’s waiting for the Glick boys to come over to rehearse.
Burke asks if Ben knows about Hubie Marsten. It had a reputation for being haunted. When Ben was young, he went up to the house on a dare. Ben claims to have seen Hubie’s ghost. Ben believes that the house is inherently evil. Joshua Von built the house and killed his wife, servant, and then himself. Hubie Marsten’s sister and wife died mysteriously. Then young boys started disappearing, and suspected in was Hubie. Now we have a Mr. Straker and this mysterious Mr. Barlow that nobody has ever seen. But if it attracts evil men, why does it attract Ben? That was a good scene.
Mark has a ton of cool horror shit in his room, masks, posters, etc. Danny and Ralphie have to leave. Even the color of the walls is pretty great. Like a burgundy or wine. Someone reading this is like, no you idiot, it is ____. I am bad with colors.
Ned and Mike have to move the crate out of the truck. I assume that bringing it into the basement will be a pain in the ass. Ralphie is scared on the way back home and Danny takes off without him and then the wind picks up and we get a nice jump scare. Ralphie is probably F’d in the A. Ralphie is also a familiar name from Storm of the Century.
Ned really wants to pry open this crate. He’s very persistent. Mike hears noises upstairs and this scares Mike and Ned. Time to bail. But you didn’t lock the place up. They did a really shitty job. The easiest part and they didn’t do it.
Crockett shows up and Cully watches from outside. Cully gets his gun and beer. The Glick parents are concerned that their boys haven’t shown up yet. There’s Danny and he collapses. Danny is exhausted and knows nothing. Mike and Ned return to the graveyard. Ned leaves and Mike looks for Faithful. Where does Mike sleep?
Straker returns home to find nothing has been locked up and sees the padlocks tossed into the basement. He carries something down the stairs wrapped in black plastic, or is it just Ralphie? Yup, sure enough. He unwraps the boy and then leaves the room.
Cully listens next to e door and breaks into the bedroom. Bonnie claims that Crockett broke in to rape her. Hahaha, really? Crockett tells Cully that he was invited over. Cully, shoot them both! Cully and Crockett need to go talk it over man to man. Cully demands that Larry hold the barrel of the shotgun up to his face. This is an exercise in self-control. Cully pulls the trigger but it wasn’t loaded. Larry runs out the door and is attacked by a creepy hand. Okay, that was just silly how they did that. Cully then goes into the bedroom, closes the door, and immediately hits Bonnie, but they don’t show it.
Ben and Susan are by the lake again. I’ve been wondering if I know the guy who plays Ben, David Soul. He was Hutch in the original Starsky and Hutch. So the short answer is no. They hear something near Ben’s vehicle. That looks like Larry in the car and he is unconscious.
Mark is having a dream in bed and seems to be moving a lot. Is this the big famous scene? There is vampire Ralphie scratching on the window. Mark isn’t sure what to make of it initially. Ralphie is pretty odd-looking. Mark opens the window. The music is once again, very good. Ralphie floats into the room slowly and majestically with his vampiric teeth.
Parkins is asking Ben and Susan questions about what happened. Larry is dead. Another officer found Larry’s jacket and shoes in the backseat. Ben claims to have heard a second vehicle. Parkins is suspicious of Ben. It’s a busy night for Parkins. Ben returns Susan home and Bill is heading to the hospital to check on Danny. Ben thinks that his arrival in Salem’s Lot is serving as a catalyst to waking up the evil. Bill is asking Danny’s parents about Danny’s medical history.
Why does this small town need 2 graveyard workers? The other dude is named Royal. He hasn’t seen Faithful, but Mike does shortly after. Now the town is doing a search for Ralpie. Huh, they did a search like this in Tommyknockers as well. Ben finds a piece of black fabric on a branch. Ben mentions that Straker always wears a black suit. I love Straker’s demeanor. Parkins visits Straker. Barlow’s first name is Kurt. Parkins wants to see Straker’s black suits, which will happen tomorrow. Straker says Ciao, and Parkins is confused by that. Straker has to explain that it is an Italian expression meaning goodbye.
Parkins makes a call out to get info on Ben and Straker since they are both new in town and then shit hit the fan last night. Per Doc, Larry died of a heart attack. They are also saying that Danny has anemia.
Danny is sleeping and there’s the fog and music. Is Ralphie going to come to the window? He sure is. Danny just walks towards the window, breaks the bottles of whatever is attached to him via IV and lets Ralphie in. Ralphie bites his brother in an unremarkable fashion.
Hello nurse. She was cute. She sees Danny sprawled on the hospital bed. This whole time, we keep following Straker. Straker brings his black suits to Parkins. Straker asks if this is about the disappearance of the boy. Straker tells Parkins to make sure his suits are cleaned before they are returned to him.
Bonnie only has a bruise on her face. Could be much worse considering what she did. On the other hand, maybe Cully is naturally abusive, in which case he deserves to be cheated upon, and his balls removed.
Ben meets Susan at a diner. She has to go to Boston for a job interview. She wants him to go, but he opts to stay for Danny’s funeral. Mrs. Glick faints during the funeral. Mark and Ben make eye contact. Mike has his shovel. Time to bury the casket. The wind is crazy. This is why you need two guys, apparently. Royal is nowhere to be found. Mike is staring at the casket now. Is Danny gonna leap out of the casket? Nope, Mike is going to leap down and open it. Danny’s eyes are a yellowish color. Okay, why do the bites look so dumb? Mike has now been bitten.
Eva informs Ben that Ned wants to hurt Ben. Seems fair. Mark’s parents are discussing how Mark isn’t showing emotions about what has happened with the Glick boys. Mark’s dad talks to him. He shows off how he can escape handcuffs.
The info has come back on Straker, Barlow, and Ben. Nothing really remarkable about any of them. Parkins says there’s a connection to Ben wanting the Marsten house and Straker owning it. Burke and Ben have lunch. Mike shows up all fucked, like he had been doing drugs. He sits down and they ask him what happened. Mike goes on about bright and scary eyes. Mike talks about a dream and somebody outside tapping and he let him in. Burke asks Mike to spend the night with him and then see the doctor the next morning. He agrees.
At night, Mark sees the fog outside his window. Did we really need characters named Mark and Mike? Danny wants Mark to open the window and let him in. Mark considers it and then grabs a cross and Danny doesn’t like that. Danny slowly floats away. My question is this. Would I be more concerned about a vampire tapping on my window or the excessive amount of fog? He gets back in bed and his father checks on him. His father seems like a really nice guy. But why is he fully dressed? It’s gotta be late at night and he’s an accountant, I think. Shouldn’t he be in a bathrobe or night attire?
That night, Burke notices the bite marks on Mike. I have to say, Geoffrey Lewis, the guy playing Mike, is doing a hell of a job. He looks familiar. Yup, he was Roy in The Devil’s Rejects. Sadly, he has passed away. Burke wakes up at night, he looks rough. Eva wakes up Ben and says that Burke is calling a little after 4 AM. Burke asks Ben to rush over with a rosary or a crucifix. The window in Mike’s room is now open despite Burke making sure to close it and lock it before bed. There’s a single drop of blood on Mike. He has no pulse. Burke says that he heard Mike invite someone in. They call Doc and Parkins. Burke wants to talk to Doc about his vampire theory.
The antique store is opening today. Ben and Mark see each other in crossing at the store. Ben talks to Straker. He even invites Ben to the house once Mr. Barlow returns from his trip.
Hahaha, great jump scare there. Ben returns to his room and Ned was hiding and beats up Ben. Doc tells Ben that Ned got arrested and Ben has a concussion. Ben requests a crucifix. Burke is home alone and hears creaking in his house while he is reading about vampires. Burke finds Mike sitting in a rocking chair. Mike looks rough and has yellow eyes. Mike keeps imploring Burke to look at him. Burke holds up the crucifix. Burke tells him that he revokes his invitation and Mike falls backward through the window. Burke is having chest pains, probably a heart attack. He manages to make it to his bedroom. So close to the phone, fingertips on it.
Ned wakes up in his jail cell. His door is open and there is the head vampire, hahaha. Nice jump scare. I assume that to be Barlow. They really went for the Nosferatu look.
Marjorie Glick falls in the kitchen. Look at the green floor pattern in the kitchen. She claims to be dreaming about Danny. He comes back to her and tells her that he’s glad to be back home. Well alright.
Susan has returned. She tells Ben that Ned died in jail or pernicious anemia. Aww, Marjorie also died. She had the same symptoms. Burke is in the hospital in ICU, but he is stable. Ben tells Susan to go back to Boston. Sir, that’s a horrible idea. Boston sucks. Take your chances in Salem’s Lot. Time to find Father Callahan and have a pointless conversation. Ben tells Susan to get some hawthorn and spread it around the house and get her mom’s crucifix. Doc runs outside to tell Ben that Ned’s body has disappeared from the morgue, as has a baby. Ben and Doc are going for a ride.
Father Callahan is visiting Mark and his parents about the Danny situation. The lightbulb explodes, the table is shaking, everything is shaking in the house. A body flies in through the window. It’s the head vampire and he knocks out the parents. Straker comes in and tells them that they can do nothing against the master. Callahan approaches with the crucifix, but Straker wants to make a bargain for the life of Mark. The master wants Callahan in exchange for Mark. Faith against faith. Mark tells the master that he will kill him. The master approached and throws down the crucifix. Well, he’s powerful.
Doc and Ben are checking Majorie’s body. Doc goes to call his wife. Ben is trying to make a makeshift crucifix out of tongue depressors. Ben is blessing the cross. Marjorie is moving. Ben will fear no evil, just like Larry Underwood in The Stand. Marjorie is looking for Danny. Doc comes back in. You can’t look into their eyes. Ben burned her forehead with the cross and he vanished while screaming.
Ben says that he talked to a friend in San Franciso who told him that they have to get to Barlow during the day before sunset. They have to find the coffin. Straker is easily killed, but Barlow is the problem. They get back to Doc’s house.
Ben tells Susan to take her mom and anybody else that they can persuade to go and leave town. Hey, there’s a red tricycle tipped over. Did Billy/Jigsaw fall down? Ben visits the police department. Parkins called in sick. The other officer also looks sickly. Ben takes off running.
Susan is at Eva’s house. She is snooping around in Ben’s room. Eva looks sickly. She tells the same story as the officer but Susan is too dumb to bail. Eva talks about Weasel kissing her on the neck.
Susan drives to the Marsten house. Mark is there and going vampire hunting. Mark is doing some lockpicking. He must be really good at Skyrim. She never says anything, just follows Mark. You should alert him so you don’t fuck his plan up. It’s windy in the basement. Susan, you have made it through most of this without being an irritating female character in a horror movie. Don’t become Fran Goldsmith now. Oh, now she calls out Mark’s name. Why are you in here??? Now the house is super spooky. Okay, she finally hear mark above her, very closeby, and now she doesn’t say his name? God damnit.
Mark has a plan. I like this kid. I don’t recommend listening to this film with headphones because it sometimes gets too loud. Simultaneously, if you have to be aware of volume levels, be aware that this fluctuates a great deal. Susan finds Mark, finally. She tells him that they need to leave now. But there are a lot of noises and a door closing. I love Mark just opening doors ready to attack. Straker knocked out Mark and now Susan is alone with Straker. I love Straker’s demeanor this whole film.
Straker ties Mark to a chair and says that will hold him until tonight. Straker took Susan to meet Barlow. Time for Mark to somehow escape this because he had the handcuffs scene earlier.
Ben has his family in a car and they are packed up and heading to South Carolina. He gives Ben a gun at the very least. Ben is all pissy at Parkins. But wasn’t the plan for Susan to find people and convince them to leave? Sure, she failed, but simultaneously, Ben isn’t following the plan either.
Mark is attempting to wriggle free. Ben is driving like a lunatic. Doc tells Ben that Susan is missing and Ann is waiting for her at home. Ben stops at the church for some holy water. Is it safe to assume that at least 2 out of the 3 between Doc, Susan, and Ann die? Maybe all 3, but at least 2.
They get to Marsten House and Mark just runs out the door. Ben tells Mark to run. But if Mark had the balls and knowledge to do this, maybe you consider having him help? Ben is scared to be in this house thanks to his dare as a youngster. They aren’t sticking together, Doc is heading up the stairs. Ben has the gun out and Mark returns. Do they have the same hairstyle? Doc finds Straker. Straker picks Doc off his feet like nothing and impales Doc on some horns or antlers. Ben shoots Straker numerous times, but it isn’t doing shit. Or is it? Straker goes down and collapses on the stairs. Now they need to find the master. They go for the basement and there are only 2 stairs and then no more stairs. Mark hurts his ankle.
Okay, time for the thrilling conclusion. You can tell when they went to commercial breaks. Marks finds a smaller door that is locked. Where are your lockpicks? Ben has a hammer but drops something. Was that the holy water? They found the correct room. Ben decides that they need to get Barlow out of the root cellar, so he hosses that coffin out. Nice job Ben. This coffin isn’t nearly as fancy as I would have thought. The sun has gone down. They open the casket and Barlow awakens. Mark looks at Barlow so Ben shows him away. Ben plunges the stake and so many awful noses. Ben is hammering the stake. The other vampires in the root cellar are slowly approaching. Also, why is Barlow’s long teeth in the middle? Barlow rots pretty quickly. Ben wonders about Susan. He then sets fires to the house and asks Susan to forgive him. So, in theory, it sounds like Ann made it out alive. because she wasn’t stupid enough to visit the house.
They drive away and Ben gets all weeping. Due to the winds, the fire should spread. The remaining vampires will be on the hunt for Ben and Mark in a sequel that I have heard is terrible.
Back to Ximico, Guatemala 2 years later.
They are at a church filling up bottles of holy water. They look rough. Why does the holy water tell them when a vampire has found them? That wasn’t ever explained, right? Also, maybe take a bath or a shower. You guys are filthy. They look like they smell like vinegary balls that have rolled around in the dirt combined with a week’s worth of BO.
Hey, Susan found Ben, and she is laying in bed. At least they’re together now. I think that they can make this work, right? She looks at him and tells Ben to kiss her. He leans in, she goes for the bite but he sticks his wooden stake deep inside her. So technically, only Doc died in the house and that means that kent was wrong….yet again.
We see the full mean and a skull appears. Why? What the fuck was the point in that?
End Salem’s Lot
I swear I have seen this film multiple times and yet here I am saying that all of that felt new to me. My brain is damaged.
I would say that for me, I see so many Stephen King story quirks in this. But this came out earlier than a lot of the ones that I noticed. The pacing was okay, but the final 45 minutes did seem to drag in places. Sometimes you just want to get to the ending a bit faster. All the other bullshit is filler.
The acting was pretty good. Did we even learn of Cully’s fate? It was like they did that story just for the Larry aspect. But they did show Bonnie’s bruised face briefly and then never revisited either character. I found that to be an odd choice. I really thought all 3 of them did great. Straker was played quite nicely. I could almost see this story told again but with Straker as a world-class vampire hunter and Ben actually being the one bringing the evil to Salem’s Lot. Maybe it would be stupid. Just a thought.
The best aspect of Salem’s Lot, for me, was the music. It was really good, although a bit too loud at times. Even the jump scares were very effective compared to me. Overall, this was a delightful, and long experience.
Final Rating – 6.3 – I would watch Salem’s Lot again. I have no idea why I never enjoyed the film so much before.
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
Please go find a copy and support the creators.