I have to try this, and I expect garbage, but I have to try. Here’s IMDB’s summary. “A group of sorority sisters try to cover up the death of their house-sister after a prank gone wrong, only to be stalked by a serial killer.” I could do worse.
Well, this starts with a party, bikini’s, bare ass, just wall to wall beautiful college girls. Fat guy blocking a dude from the keg. I approve. Carrie Fisher is in this, I am good with that. This makes me want to go back to college and do it properly. I’d probably still be too shy to be awesome, but still, I want that opportunity.
Now, I am just waiting for the prank. This whole opening is pretty solid in all honesty. Lots of skin. Oh god, this prank, so dumb. One of the sorority sisters was getting revenge on this guy, so they gave him some “roofies” to slip her, but they were fake. So the girl is pretending to be dying. Why do I feel like I have seen this before? This all feels very familiar to me. God, is my brain so fried that I forgot this, or did I have it on for background noise or did I see something similar to this? HAHAHA, so they go to an abandoned mining location to figure out what to do with “the body” to freak out the guy. SO they keep playing it up and he sees her breathing and freaks out and impales her chest with a tire iron.
Haha, so naturally they are now debating whether to come clean or not because they don’t want to affect their families. Seriously, so now it’s time to vote on it. The lead blonde bitch is making a convincing argument. I’d cover it up if I could. Does that make me an awful person? Probably. In the moment, maybe my mind changes and I develop a conscience, but what’s done is done, are they going to invest or not? Ahhh, Step Brothers is hilarious. Cassidy is the one with a conscience. I’m so done with this movie already. The deaths better be great. I love the fact that the girl who got killed is named Megan. Shut up, Meg.
A third the way through and this is basically I Know What You Did Last Summer with sorority girls. Oh, except that cast was awesome. Carrie Fisher looks like hell in this movie. I do like the girl named Chugs. She reminds me of Nikky from Orange is the New Black. I am guessing that finding many good non-nude photos may prove difficult for this film. Think about finding a terrible movie, but it has lots of hot chicks, and you look online for pics from the film.
OK, the first kill was sweet. One of the chicks, I think Chugs actually, was at her psychologist’s office, where he basically gets laid and gives out meds. Well, he gets killed. The girl pops some pills and starts drinking on the couch. The killer hammers the bottle down her throat. Awesome.
Hello, tits! 3 pairs so far in one scene. I am pleased. More boobs. This girl claims to have perfect tits, but they were far from it. They were way to the side. They were the worst tits in the film. OK, up to 5 pairs this scene!!! Eh, shower death was lame, but anytime you have a shitty death but you make up for it with 5 pairs of tits, you are forgiven.
Surprisingly, finding non-nude pics was incredibly easy. Allllllright, so FX happening, got some man ass for you ladies. Man, this dude, Mickey, he was with Claire, the Asian chick. So he says some dumb shit, she breaks it off. Then he goes around trying to get some action, and it is one failure after the other. It was about as brutal as all my party failures. Kent and Mickey got no game. Well, Mickey just got fucking murdered, and it was a really decent kill. Hard to explain, but I liked it. Maybe this is classic guilty pleasure territory. An hour basically marks the 2/3 mark. I find myself having a soft spot for Ellie, but I also am digging Jessica being a complete bitch.
Yeah, this is wandering into guilty pleasure territory. Some decent one-liners, an evolving plot. Hot chicks. I can’t complain. Jessica just ran over Garrett, the guy who killed the girl in the beginning. He sent a text to the girls to return to the site of the crime. Good for you Jess. Every great story needs a bad guy, she is nailing. Ohhhhh shit, he didn’t send it, because he got the same text from Megan’s phone that the girls did. Hahaha, they lower Cassidy down the whole that they dumped Meg into. The chain breaks. Then Ellie makes Jess drop this shard of mirror. It says at the bottom “Theta Pi Must Die”. Shit, good for them. How they get Cassidy out? They return to the party, but everybody is basically gone. The Jacuzzi is overheating apparently. Time for everybody to go their separate ways and split up except Cassidy and Ellie. Claire, she’s gonna get it first. She is dealing with the jacuzzi. I want a sausage McMuffin.
Uh oh, Claire is in trouble. She got her foot caught in a lasso of sorts. Cassidy goes to help but finds Claire flaming from the mouth. Poor Claire. Jessica is brawling with Megan’s sister Maggie. I love Maggie, she’s a perfect adversary to Jessica. Carrie Fisher is back. She is like the house mother. Carrie with a fucking shotgun. I dig this. HAHAHA, they hear a loud sound, and Maggie goes to see what is up and Jessica says “oh no, don’t go out there” in the most sarcastic way possible. Haha. Carrie Fisher is firing that gun a lot. Awwww, Carry avoids the tire iron-type weapon, but her gun jams, so she gets shoved into it and impaled. Solid death.
Hmmm, Kyle is in a gown like the killer, and he goes after Jess and Cass. Is he the one? He is hunting them down. The girls end up in a bathroom, and there’s decomposed Megan. OK, yeah, Kyle is the killer. Cass’ boyfriend shows up and kills Kyle. Wait, it was him all along!!! Andy kills Jessica, wow. This is awesome. Jess is pinned against the wall with a rod in her mouth……yup. Awww, Andy wants to kill Ellie. Poor Ellie. Maggie is trapped inside this inferno, oh yeah the house is on fire.
It’s been on fire for like 10-15 minutes now.
Andy is about to kill Cass, and Ellie saves the day. She shoots him in the chest, and he falls to his supposed death. The 3 girls help each other escape. At the end, we see the new class of the sorority, and there is a worker there, with a scar where Andy got his hand cut. Well, obviously they were hoping for a sequel.
End Film
I can’t believe that I am saying this, but that was a fun movie. I gave I Know What You Did Last Summer a 7.7……which seems really high to me. It must have really wowed me. I can’t really say that this deserves much more than a 7,0 but slight, so let’s say 7.2. It just is classic slasher horror but with a lates 90’s style, also in the same vein as Scream. I can’t be mad at this one. I really shockingly liked it.
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- House Row Productions (uncredited)
- Karz Entertainment
- Summit Entertainment
Please go find a copy and support the creators.