Seriously, this is my 4th time trying to write about this film. I get tired, distracted, pissed off, various things, so I never finish it. This one is for you Kristi.
The cast is pretty solid. You have Dee Snider as Captain Howdy, Kevin Gage who was in Heat, Blow, and May, and the incomparable Robert Englund. Hmmm, Linda Cardellini is in this, she played Velma in the Scooby-Doo movies and has a nice rack. Alas, she has never shown her rack in a film. Booo, no boobs from her. Even Amy Smart is in this. I have seen this quite a few times. I remember the first time I saw it, where I sat, everything because I’m weird like that. This movie is ok, not great, but does enough to keep you watching.
So we have 2 girls that IM’d Captain Howdy and went to a party of his. One of them is Linda. Her parents are key characters, and their daughter, nor her friend, came home last night. Fantastic. Through flashbacks, we see Linda’s character try to escape, but she got dragged back in the house. Even better, her lips are sewn shut. Let’s face it, most guys have lived that fantasy. Linda’s dad, Gage, is a detective. They pull a car out of the water, and there’s Linda’s friend, and she dead. Sometimes this movie tries too hard in pushing tattoo and piercing culture in my opinion. But at the time, it makes sense I suppose. This came out in 1998. The music is not my thing but to each their own. There is some fairly nude girl doing some whipping shit, I’m counting her. Oh man, it feels great to be counting boobs again.
It’s funny how far technology has come in how we communicate. The big thing in this movie is the use of chat rooms to find Captain Howdy. The detective with help, talks like a young chick online and gets Captain Howdy to invite him to a party The cops are on their way, and Howdy is about to give a guy a cock piercing. The cops raid a house, but it is of just 2 elderly folks getting tender with one another. I’m glad to see they had to show the girl was peeing from fright. That’s important stuff.
Now I’m gonna raise a poignant question This is 1998, filmed probably in 97. The detective is in his car IM’ing Howdy out in his car. Where’s he getting good enough internet back then where he and Howdy can send each other audio recordings instantly? Just throwing that question out there. Anyway, there is a dog barking outside, and as they exchange messages, he can hear the dog barking, so he is very close to his location, how convenient! There’s another pair of boobs.
Gage finds his daughter amongst other people all restrained or caged up. Howdy hits him from behind. The struggle is on. Detective wins, handcuffs him. We that he pleaded mentally incompetent, they close his night club, public outcry obviously, he was found not guilty, and after 4 years of therapy, he’s supposedly a changed man. Of course, he is. They are letting him go. After all, he did, because he reads books and is calm now. Well, his place is a dump now, people have ruined it. Back to Linda’s place, mom and dad aren’t home. As she goes up the stairs, there’s Howdy’s voice. Time to rape her as…..oh it was just a dream. Awww, at least there was attempted rape, that’s something.
The townsfolk are still pissed that he’s been released, and there are people in front of his house not accepting his apology. Robert Englund (Jackson) has decided that somebody’s gotta take that boy out. Jackson’s daughter is at a motel fucking, and she has some nice titties. Jackson is worked up thinking that Howdy has her. So they get a mod together and beat Howdy’s ass, even though he was at home minding his business. Robert Englund all fired up is great. They dragging Howdy out to a car, and they are taking him for a ride. His pills drop out of his pocket and they get crushed. There are like 12 guys. Oh, and detective witnessed this and refused to call it in.
The mob is lynching Howdy. He gives up struggling, and the mob is pleased with their work. Of course, the limb he is lynched upon isn’t very sturdy. He hangs for about a minute, far too long in my estimation, but maybe I’m wrong on the whole science of getting lynched and living. He says “What a rush”, and I sigh. Jackson is home watching a porno, getting prepared for some loving with his wife. Well, she has been attacked by Howdy, and this is Robert at his finest being over the top creepy and funny. Well, Howdy just hit Robert enough to knock him off his chair.
Time to torture ole Jackson. His mouth is sewn shut, and now he is getting his nipples pierced with hook and his eyes are sewn shut too. The hooks are tied to a board. Hello, sugar tits! Those are pretty nice for her age. I like it! She rips her mouth open while screaming while getting skewered by spikes. So Howdy has captured Linda again, so he’s talking shit to Gage. He just put a needle through her tit. I think that is 5. It’s hard keeping tracks of who’s tits I have and haven’t seen, but I’m adding one more. 2 cops found the victims.
Gage and howdy have a lame fistfight after a boring speech. Gage is in a room with Howdy and candle. Gage gets the upper hand, hangs Howdy up on a hook and chain, and set him on fire. It ends, and we hear Dee singing during the credits. OK, nifty.
In conclusion, this is a real mixed bag. From the standpoint of having a serial torturer, that’s pretty cool. In some ways, this may have helped lay the groundwork for the torture era in horror, so this movie’s importance needs to be considered. The acting was fine, although Gage….he kinda sucked, but Robert Englund is just so damn good. Dee did fine in his role. I don’t think they were comfortable with going much further than they did which is much tamer than what you may see nowadays. Amazing what a difference 15 years makes. The story is adequate, nothing mind-blowing. As you watch it, you know you are seeing something unique, at least at the time it came out, but it felt cliched all the same. I like it, I don’t know if I loved it. I am gonna safely say 6.0.
Final Rating: 6.0
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