I have always loved this movie. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine, and why shouldn’t it be? The song Hey Man Nice Shot was from this soundtrack. It has a fantastic cast and a good storyline that can get a little silly at times. That’s what Tales From The Crypt was all about though, ya know? This came out in 1995, once again, horror was fairly stagnant, so this was a gem at the time. Holy fuck, was 1996 one of, if not the worst year in my lifetime for horror. Aside from this, there was The Prophecy, Ice Cream Man, a bunch of sequels and remakes. Seriously, look at this fucking list.
How fucking bad is that? This was clearly one of the two best from 1995. The other being Tales From the Hood. Tales dominated 1995. Fact.
So this starts off with a funny opening sequence that you think is part of the movie, a girl with nice tits in a tub, and there’s a story, but it’s just the Cryptkeeper directing a film. Great start! Then we start the real thing.
The ominous opening to Filter’s “Hey Man Nice Shot” and there’s a car chase. I’m already fucking pumped. Let’s get to our cast quickly.
Brayker is played by William Sadler who is best known for Shawshank Redemption and was in the first episode of Tales from the Crypt. He is our protagonist. The Collector is played by Billy Zane who you ladies will recall from Titanic as Rose’s fiance. Jeryline is Jada Pinkett, she’s the spunky worker at this inn of sorts. Irene played by CCH Pounder, who I adore, is the owner of this inn. Uncle Willie is played by the legendary Dick Miller, who I just saw in Night of the Creeps and The Howling. Roach is played by Thomas Haden Church who was Lowell in Wings and starred in the movie Sideways with Giamatti. We also have Cordelia, the residential whooooore who bangs Roach, and Wally who is the nerdy guy who has a hard-on for Cordelia but never gets any of that hot ass. The Sheriff is one of those guys you have seen before. There’s your cast.
So Zane is chasing down Sadler, and there is a car wreck. Both guys escape unharmed. Sadler takes off and goes to the Inn. Zane gets the sheriff to hunt down Sadler. Sadler has something that Zane wants. There’s your plot. A funny line early on, as Jeryline serves Brayker some food, she lays on the table and offers up some dessert. A cat ends up on the table and Irene is none too happy.
“Goddamnit, get that pussy off the table” and Cordelia jumps off the table. Good ole double entendres. Jeryline is working at this Inn, well it’s a Mission I guess, on a work-release program. Zane shows up and Brayker is not too happy. He knows he’s fucked. Brayker has a relic in his pocket, and Zane can’t touch it though. Zane wants the liquid dumped out of it, how suspicious. The cops are gonna take both guys to the Station. Zane has had enough. Fist through the head of one of the Sheriffs. Brayker gets free and grabs the relic, which burns Zane. Zane flees outside, and he condemns the building and gets some demons to sprout from the ground. God this sounds silly writing this, but it’s awesome to watch.
The liquid in Brayker’s relic can be used to seal up doorways and windows from the demons, that’s why it was so important. Now it’s a matter of who can outlast who. The only way to kill the demons is by shooting them in the eyes, and when you do, this green bolt comes flying out of their heads. Irene just got mauled. If the demons try to pass through an opening that is sealed, they die upon entry. Roach just wants to take Cordelia and get to his truck and bounce. Roach is great, all he cares about is himself. Wally rescues Cordelia, of course, he does.
Roach wants to give Zane the relic. Zane tries mindfucking everybody into thinking they see things that aren’t there, to convince them to give him the relic. Irene’s left arm got ripped off, and we are missing Wally and Cordelia after an attack by the demons. Brayker has these terrible flashbacks throughout the movie that explain this whole relic and the blood inside and how it keeps the demons away, but the flashback are so out of place and cheesy. They are the worst part of the whole film.I can’t explain it, but everything looks weird. Uncle Willie gets the group lost as they are in mine shafts. Jeryline finds Danny down here. Danny is some teenage boy that they know, so he joins the group.
The group is finally behind a sealed entrance and Roach fucks it all up, so now it’s sheer panic. The group gets to safety, but now they are low on ammo. It’s always something, am I right? We see through flashback that Brayker was in WW1 or 2, so he’s pretty old, and it shows how you pass down this weird marking and the relic. Here we go, now we get the full story. This is so lame and hokey, but at least it is consistent, so that’s a plus. Roach steals the relic, that crafty magnificent bastard, and Danny has taken off.
Zane is trying to make a deal with Jeryline, but she ain’t having any of that. Willie found the boy, he was reading Tales From the Crypt comic books. And Zane gets in Willie’s head, in the best scene by far. Uncle Willie’s fantasy zone includes 9 topless chicks and some booze. That brings us to 11. Uncle Willie is now a demon, and I can’t say I totally blame him. Roach is negotiating with Zane. Zane says he’ll spare Roach, so Roach goes for it. And Roach gets double-crossed and killed. Zane is free to go after Brayker now that he has the relic. Brayker quickly gets the relic back. The remaining cop has run out of ammo. Irene has 6 grenades, so it’s time for a big sacrificial boom.
We found out, Jeryline is the chosen one for Brayker to pass the torch on to. Just as this is happening, Danny becomes a demon. Danny kills Brayker, his blood goes in the relic. Jeryline is the last one in this lineage. That’s something. Jeryline has covered herself with blood so that Zane can’t touch her. That’s wasteful and genius. But Zane is smarter. He apprehends her via shower curtain and washes the blood off of her. Brilliant. Zane just said Demon Knight…..well that’s the name of the movie. Well, shit just gets silly from here on out, no doubt. The ending is of Jeryline carrying the legacy, and another guy attempting to come after her, leading us to know that the cycle will repeat, and possibly left it open for a sequel I suppose.
In conclusion, this is the best of a terrible year in 1995. I still hold this somewhere in my top 50 horror films, but that’s about as high as I can go. It’s got an amazing cast, some clever one-liners, a lot of creativity, it’s definitely unique. I’ve never seen a story remotely similar to it, and I think that really has to count for something. They took the basic concept of good vs evil and cranked it up. Billy Zane and Roach steal the show. I will give this a 7.2. I recommend this to anybody really, I can’t pinpoint a specific audience for this, it’s just a fun film and lots of titties.
Final Rating: 7.2
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