I don’t remember this film much, but I remember really liking it. It also has a kick-ass song, titled “Welcome to the Dollhouse”.
Start Film
Ahhh, another mid 90’s film. We start off with Dawn Wiener (Heather Matarazzo) in a school cafeteria look for a place to sit. She finds a mean-looking bitch, Lolita, to sit with. Some cheerleaders come over and ask her if she’s a lesbian. Dawn says no, and mean girl says that Dawn just made a pass at her. At her locker, there are lots of derogatory things written by and on her locker. She finds some boys who are trying to get a nerdy kid to say that he’s a faggot. So Dawn tells them to stop, so they punch him and walk away. She checks on the boy, and he is a dick to her and calls her Wiener-Dog.
We meet Dawn’s brother practicing with his 3 man band, and her younger sister who dresses and dances like a ballerina. Her name is Missy. Missy bothers Dawn, so Dawn calls Missy a lesbo. Missy tells mom, and mom isn’t happy. We hear Dawn argue with mom and lots of yelling, something like a door banging, and Dawn gets to watch the TV now, while Dawn is in her room being punished.
In class, Brandon is trying to copy Dawn’s answers. I fucking hate Brandon’s. Dawn tells the teacher and so she and Brandon have to stay after class. Dawn goes to the bathroom, and Lolita insists that Dawn was in the bathroom to not wash her hands, but to take a shit. She is insistent that Dawn takes a shit, and that Dawn not mess with Brandon. Seriously, She stood in the stall and insisted on watching her shit. Dawn asked why Lolita hated her, and the reason given is because Dawn is ugly.
After school, Brandon is making kissy faces at Dawn while they re-take the test. Well, Dawn gets a bad grade, and the teacher won’t let her re-take it. The teacher is pissed and wants a 100-word essay about dignity.
Dawn is upset about how easy Missy has it at home. Dawn is hanging out with Ralphie, who has a dead bird. Yeah. Mark is the older brother, and he is blathering on about his band during dinner. He was in Natural Born Killers apparently. Dawn is ordered to tell Missy that she loves her. Dawn is pissed and rebellious. She can’t leave the table until she tells her sister that she loves her. At night, Dawn is still there and ordered to go to bed.
The next day, Dawn is trying to saw a head off of a doll. Solid. Dawn then goes outside and hears her brother’s band. They got a new member, and Dawn is stricken by the new singer, she’s got a crush.
At school, Dawn has to read her dignity essay. The teacher is such a bitch, keeps telling her to speak louder, like 4 times. There’s an assembly about talking to strangers. Some girl got kidnapped and telling the kids about it. Needless to say, the boys are throwing shit at her, spitwads, and the usual. Dawn steals the straw, goes to spit one back, hits the teacher and this causes problems. So her parents are brought in to talk to the principal. I love the mom’s coat, it’s ridiculous. Poor Missy finds her dolls with severed heads.
Mark gives the new singer some shit for being late, I think his name is Steve Rodgers. Mark brings him upstairs and Dawn sees him and stares at him until he notices her. He talks to her and she is all over talking to him until Mark gives her Das Boot. Poor girl.
Mark is getting a letter from Naomi, his girlfriend, and she talks about sex and dumping him, but also giving him her email address. Dawn asks Mark about Steve. Mark mentions that Steve is horny, and how he would go out with any girl who would go all the way. Mark asks her if she’s in love with him, and she denies it, but then still inquires. Steve will basically fuck any girl, no matter age or appearance. This gives Dawn some hope. Mark suggests that Dawn talks to Ginger. SO Dawn finds Ginger and she mentions that they finger fucked, but Ginger says that Dawn wouldn’t have a chance. Dawn dwells on the finger fucking aspect.
The next day, Steve shows up to talk to Mark. Dawn invites him in as Mark will be back soon. So she offers him all of this food and steals some money from the table. Steve is pure class. So she gets him some fish sticks I believe and just watches him eat. He pounds the food down. She tells him that she plays the piano so she starts to play despite his disinterest. He is still eating and says that it’s pretty good. She says that she sprained her finger, and wants to show him her fingers. It was creepy. Dawn finds Steve’s student ID. She makes a shrine to Steve.
Here is the fucking song. Dawn is on the car hood jamming out to Welcome to the Dollhouse. How I enjoy that song. Mark critiques Steve’s singing like a douche, so Steve says fuck it. Steve storms off and Dawn pleads with him, but to no avail.
At some convenience store, Dawn is playing some game with Ralphie, while Brandon and his posse bother them. The next day at school, Brandon tells her that at 3 o’clock after school, he is gonna rape her. Fantastic. Finally, give the viewing public some rape. That’s all we ever ask for, am I right ladies? AT least 7 people are horrified by that. At least 3 others are oddly turned on and wish to read more. You sick fucks. Thank you.
It’s 3 and Dawn is trying to avoid Brandon and Lolita. She exits the school and Brando wrangles her. He is pissed suggesting that she was avoiding him. They get interrupted by the janitor, so she runs off. At home, they are going to plan a party for the parent’s 20th anniversary. Mom sells her on the idea, but mom needs Dawn to tear down the Special People clubhouse. Then Brandon calls her at home. He tells her tomorrow, same time, same place, be there. I usually warn girls 24 hours prior to raping them. That’s the gentleman in me.
Sure enough, Dawn shows up at the same place. She is there willingly, but he has his little pocket knife just to try to act tough. Well, this is the nicest rape ever. He offers her a cigarette. She says that marijuana should be legalized, so he asks why she always has to be a cunt. He reveals that he has a retarded brother. She says that she’s sorry, but he says that his brother is tough, so he kisses her. She asks if he is still going to rape her, she says that she probably doesn’t have to be home quite yet, but he passes on the opportunity. Fucking A, that’s ridiculous.
Mom is pissed at Mark and Dawn. Mark had to bribe Steve with $200. Dawn doesn’t want to tear down the clubhouse. The dad, Harvey, suggests that Dawn be smart. Well, everybody gets dessert except for Dawn. Missy asks if she and Mark can split Dawn’s piece of cake, so mom agrees because she’s a bitch. Mom tells Mark and Missy that she’s going to need help tearing down the clubhouse this weekend. Damn, she’s a cold bitch.
Dawn is fawning over Steve while he is looking at pictures of himself. Mark comes into his room and tries to kick out Dawn and Steve sticks up for her and calls Mark a fascist. Fucking Fascist!!!
At school, Cookie makes an announcement about her party. Brandon asks her after class why he wasn’t invited and she says that she needs an even amount of boys and girls. He tries to bribe her with his lunchtime cookie. She is a bitch to him, and he gets mad at Dawn, because, fuck Dawn. At night, Dawn and Brandon are listening to some ballad while laying in her clubhouse. It was Lost In Your Eyes by Debbie Gibson. They bond and kiss. Dawn tells him that she can’t be his girlfriend, and he wants to know his name. Brandon is pissed. He takes off and she chases him, so he shows her. Ralphie shows up to console Dawn, so she calls him a faggot, because everybody calls him a faggot.
At the party, there is this terrible song, but it’s simultaneously catchy. This whole thing is absolutely ridiculous, so ridiculous. Dawn is in her room and won’t come out for the party, but she stares at Steve singing. After the song, Steve spins Missy around, and Dawn is jelly. Dawn’s outfit…..man. Dawn is on a mission to find Steve. She finds him with his shirt unbuttoned in the garage, with a chick. She asks him if he would be the first honorary member of the special people club. He asks her if she understands what special people club means, and he explains that it’s for retards. Boom, proverbial gut punch to Dawn’s ego.
Well, Steve has taken off to go to NYC to become the next Jim Morrison. The family is watching the video of the anniversary party, and Dawn got humiliated. So at night, she grabs the tape and destroys it outside with a hammer. She goes into her bedroom and goes to hit Missy, but she can’t do it.
At school, Brandon completely ignores Dawn, as one would expect. In class, she crumbles up a piece of paper, tosses it to get his attention, and he just flicks it. Now the principal is in there, and he pulls Brandon out of class. Dawn walks home, and mom has a note for Missy to ensure that she gets a ride after ballet class as Mom has to pick up Dad. Ralphie calls Dawn, and Dawn doesn’t want to talk Ralphie, calls him a faggot and asshole and hopes he burns in hell. Missy is set to leave, and Dawn thinks about giving Missy the note, but she never does. later that night, well Missy has gone missing. Yikes.
Dawn and Mark talk the next day about Missy and they ask the Sgt if they think that they will find Missy. Apparently dad is very sick, may have to go to the hospital. Shit is getting rough.
Dawn is on a mission, and she rides her bike to Brandon’s and meets Brandon’s brother Tommy. She is there to see Brandon. The dad comes to the door, he’s all suspicious. He tells her that she has one hour to say goodbye before they leave. Dawn tells Brandon that she wants to be his girlfriend. He says no, as he is leaving. Brandon is running away to New York. She goes to kiss him, and he says no, he makes the first move. He tells her to get on the bed, it’s now or never. She is under the impression that Brandon deals drugs, but it’s actually another kid, but nobody ever believes Brandon. Brandon decides it’s time to take off. He asks her if she’s coming along and she won’t. Brandon leaves.
At home, dad is in the hospital getting tested. Mom gets a phone call, and she says something about Times Square. The cops found Missy’s tutu in Times Square. At night, Dawn is taking a bus somewhere. My guess is NYC. Yup, and she is passing out missing flyers to everybody she sees, at night, in mid 90’s NYC. She hears some screaming at night and it’s some guy with her sister. Mom is magically there saying that she loves her, then everybody says that they love her, and of course she then wakes up. It’s now morning, and she calls home and gets Mark. She tells him that she ran away. Missy was found this morning by a local dude. It sounds like mom isn’t too worried. Mom ain’t interested, her and Missy are about to be interviewed. Nobody gives a fuck about Dawn’s disappearance. Fucking hell.
At school, Dawn speaks at an assembly giving thanks for everybody’s help in finding her sister. The kids start chanting Weiner Dog, just a total group of asshole kids.
The whole family just cares about Missy and no fucks about Dawn or Mark. Dawn says that she doesn’t want to go to Disneyworld, and he says that it will look good on her college resume. I don’t know what the fuck the hummingbirds is, but there’s a lot of singing kids on a bus, so I guess a group of singing kids.
End Film
TLDR
What Did We Learn From The Film?
How the hell do you really explain this one? We learned that older guys are gonna use young girls….for their snacks. We learned that if you are the least popular girl in your family, you will be raped by a guy named Brandon. We learned that little girls dressed as ballerinas are better to kidnap. We learned that you shouldn’t be a member of the special people club. We learned that when you are pissed at the world, totally insult your only true friend and call him an asshole and a faggot. We learned that girls who date long distance are desperate and want to be emailed. We learned that you are better being invisible in high school than to be visible while taking a shit. We learned that moms will wear the absolute best outfits. Finally, we learned that you should absolutely name your film after the best song in the film.
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