I just saw the original for the first time and absolutely loved it. I am preparing to be severely let down. I don’t know if I will be doing a traditional blog as much as making observations, and probably laughing. This has Ellen Burstyn (mom from Requiem For A Dream), Frances Conroy (American Horror Story), and a fav of mine, Leelee Sobieski. Still, Nic Cage is involved. I think he still took himself seriously around this point.
Nic Cage is a cop on a bike. Fantastic. Cages name is Edward Malus. I will probably just call him Nic or Cage. He pulled over a vehicle because this little girl threw out her doll. So he gives it back, she throws it back in the road, and the car gets hit by a tractor trailer and big explosion. Yup, this is a Nic Cage film. 5 minutes in, and there’s an explosion. Is Michael Bay involved?
So he gets a letter about finding a missing girl in Summerisle. OK, that’s one way to get to that point. The lady who wrote to him is a former fiancee and her name is Willow. Nice shout out. Cage finds a pilot and pays him to take him to the island, and the guy refuses at first, saying how private they are, but he gives in.
A lady greets him and she tells him that it’s private property. He shows the pic, asks where Willow is, and the locals fuck with him and tell him that isn’t Willow’s daughter. He goes to the inn, and there’s Willow, and she is pretty. The bar lady (Mrs. Beech) gives him some knead and it sounds tasty. He makes a spectacle of himself, kills a bee and upsets the town folk.
So he meets privately with Willow and tells him not to believe people. She still has his ring. Her daughter’s name is Rowan. Willow has really pretty eyes. Cage goes back to the Inn, and somebody has gone through his shit, and these old women are already mentioning the Wicker Man. I see why this wasn’t well received.
The scene at school with the girls was fucking AWFUL compared to the original. Sooooo bad. Willow tells Cage that he is Willow’s father. Ohhh, the drama. The beehive area, holy awful. Finally, he meets the queen bee in Sister Summerisle. I have so many issues right now. I am pissed at this film. Men are useful for breeding here, that’s about it. Well, no wonder your island sucks balls.
I just finished it. Let me tell you, something brother. That was a fucking mess. I actually like Nic Cage in films. He was not at all the right guy for this film. Clooney, Damon, Norton, Pitt, Thomas Jane, and a handful of others would have made wayyyy more sense for this role. Hell, maybe even Ben Aff…nah, just kidding.
Why did this fail so bad? Aside from Nic, there are numerous issues. The whole story where he’s the dad, it actually could have been good, but with a lot of changes. That is about the only positive. Where are all of the songs? Where are the colorful locals? Why did the classroom scene suck soooo badly? Why is this just a bullshit feminist awful bullshit? Why the fuck is this bee shit?
Where is the religion? The religious aspect was wonderfully done in the original, and I typically like to avoid religion in films, but it worked so well in the original. The guy stuck to his beliefs. Even though he was a total pain in the ass at points, and in some ways unlikable, you could respect him for sticking to his morals. The costumes for the parade, the parade, the swords, all of that was just done better in the original. And the reveal at the end, the twist of Rowan turning heel, night and day. But the new one had Leelee who I adore. Where was all the nudity? Like the nudity added to the cult community vibe, everybody is a family.Oh, and the end showing how the cycle goes, well that scene speaks for itself. Look at those dumbass guys and the great Leelee.
End Film Now
I had some time to think about it, and perhaps I was a little too harsh on this film, but the reality is, I doubt I will watch it again other than out of spite. Lots of silly things happening, I just can’t love it. Also, I’m giving a severe penalty for going PG-13 you assholes. Now that I see that, I am deducting more points.
Final rating: 3.5
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Warner Bros. (presents) (as Warner Bros.)
- Alcon Entertainment (in association with)
- Millennium Films (in association with)
- Redbus Pictures
- Saturn Films (producer)
- Emmett/Furla/Oasis Films (EFO Films) (as Emmett/Furla Films)
- Equity Pictures Medienfonds GmbH & Co. KG III (for)
- Nu Image Entertainment GmbH
- Brightlight Pictures
- Wicker Man Productions (uncredited)
Please go find a copy and support the creators.