Here’s the summary from IMDB, so skip this paragraph at your leisure. “Barry is a talented mechanic and family man whose life is torn apart on the eve of a zombie apocalypse. His sister, Brooke, is kidnapped by a sinister team of gas-mask wearing soldiers & experimented on by a psychotic doctor. While Brooke plans her escape Barry goes out on the road to find her & teams up with Benny, a fellow survivor – together they must arm themselves and prepare to battle their way through hordes of flesh-eating monsters in a harsh Australian bushland.”
It has a 4-star recommendation for me and Jess said that she was intrigued by it. Sold.
OK, some doors open, some dudes in hardcore full-body combat armor come out and start shooting up zombies. It is a sweet opening. You feel like these guys are hardcore badasses.
Now we get some backstory about…..shooting stars. This black dude with amazing hair, Benny, has a tank top that says Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi. Fantastic. OK, so it’s this dude, and his brother and maybe sister. His brother turned into a zombie. The guy can only walk. After walking for so long, he shoots his kneecap off. He keeps crawling, and the guy was gonna put a bullet in his bubblegoose, but he opted not to.
He is telling this story to a dude, Barry, who shot his wife that morning, and he seems like a no-nonsense dude. Now we get his back story, he has a hot enough wife, Annie, and a teenage daughter, Meganne, who is on the phone with her girlfriend. They were just in the shower together, alas, no tits. Sigh. We see how a girl transitions to a zombie while doing a photoshoot. The bitch eats one of her friends, while the other one is a fucking ninja, with a hook and chain. The ninja is named Brooke. Sorry that this is extremely random, just trying to write it as it’s happening. The other girl is now a zombie. Brooke fucks her up. Original zombie is tethered to the chain. She goes to leave, and there’s another zombie outside.
Brooke calls Barry, who is her brother. She tells him to be careful. Just then, Meg enters the bedroom saying there is somebody in the kitchen. It’s a zombie. Zombie takes down Barry, and Annie is incredibly slow to be helpful. She sucks with the knife and then buries an axe in the zombie’s back. Smoke/gas is pouring out of the zombie. Barry, Annie, and Meganne all now have gas masks and are trying to make it to the car, only equipped with like carpentry tools. I say only, but I mean, he’s got a sweet mallet. They get attacked trying to get to the car. Zombies are chasing them.
We are now back Brooke. Gunshots fired in the garage where Brooke is. The armored badasses enter. They stare down Brooke and motion for her to come with them. They pin her to the ground, no rape, just gonna give her a syringe. Oh, they take her blood, and they test her to make sure that she is safe. So now they go to take her away, but he goes to ether her, she kicks the glass, so they have no alternative other than to punch her and knock her out. Fair Nuff.
Back in the car, Meganne, the daughter has now turned. Annie is puking. They get in the car, mom drives while daughter is clawing to get at her. They end up at a tunnel, and she pulls off. She takes the mask off like a jackass. “I can feel it.” So yeah, she is fucked. They have a loving, crying embrace. She turns during the embrace, fucking fast as hell. He goes into the tunnel, and she pursues him. I was hoping the tunnel would be longer. Why aren’t tunnels used more in horror? They are absolutely scary and claustrophobic. He has no choice but to nail her, with his nail gun….not his penis. Now he approached the car where zombie daughter is and he doesn’t want to, but he nails his own daughter too. We are a quarter through, and he just tried nailing himself, except he ran out of nails. No suicide for you sir.
So Brooke is now restrained on an examining table. There is some fucked up shit in this room. Another zombie…..4 or 5 of them. Oh, she’s not on a table, standing up attached to the wall instead. My bad. A guy in hazard suit comes in. This feels a little like the Stand. We had a tunnel, ad now this guy. He whips out a big flashlight to examine her. Time for him to put on some music so that he can show off his dance moves. FANTASTIC!!!! This is like some KC and the Sunshine Band music. I can dig it. Wait…..it actually is KC and the Sunshine Band’s do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight. Fucking A, I am good!!!! He has filled up a syringe and he injects a zombie. He comes over to Brooke, and she is pissed. He injects her. She almost had a Mila Kunis look there for a second. That’s a fantastic thing.
Some dude pulls up to the tunnel where Barry is, and he has a gun. He approached Barry. Barry has his back to him. This guy is awesome. Barry steals the gun, goes to kill himself. This guy looks like he could be related to Keith Jardine, the UFC fighter, but it is not him as I just paused to look it up. He punches Barry, Barry punches him. This guy’s name is Chalker by the way. Chalker puts Barry into a side arm bar……wait am I sure this guy isn’t related to Jardine? I still have Get Down Tonight stuck in my damn head. They keep tussling, but now zombies approach, and they kill the zombies. Barry wants the gun “Gimme the gun”…..almost as if he is Jack in The Shining. Chalker knocks out Barry with a sweet cheapshot and put him on the back of his pick up. Barry awakens, breaks the back window of the truck, scares poor Chalker. Chalker calms his bitch ass down. Wow, my video quality just went to shit. Time to buffer. I really want some fucking Skittles at this moment. Fuck you, Diet, you cum dumpster of an idea. Get healthy they say. Lose some weight they say. You will then get bitches they say. OK, nobody has said that I will get a woman by losing weight. Some things are simply not true. And back to the film.
Chalker is smoking a joint, and now Barry is too. They see a zombie and Barry just gets out and goes all Russell Crowe on the zombie by punching it repeatedly. Time to run over some zombies. And now the truck starts to not work…..of course. Chalker also looks like John Malcovich in Rounders, maybe 10 years younger. That is a compliment, to say the least. And we are back to buffering. Fuck you Time Warner you ass clowns from outer space. Oh well, time to see if I spelled John’s last name correctly Nope, I did not. It is Malkovich. OH, and this just came on my screen.
So I wait, and I get some carrots and low fat ranch dip. I figure a snack will put me in a better mood. Well, a stupid fucking idea right there. When the fuck has low-fat anything ever put somebody in a better mood? The carrots are good at least. I wonder how carrots with salsa would be? Only one way to find out! OK, it’s hot salsa, so the sweetness of the carrot shines ever so dim, but it’s way better than the ranch. I mean, my mouth is a little warm, but at least I’m in flavor country now. And back to the film.
So the truck doesn’t work and the guys are out in the woods. They stop, Chalker hears something. And then his head gets blown off. Hey, it’s Benny. Soooo yeah, lost the film only to come back and have my favorite character get his head blown off. What the fuck man?
Well, zombies are after them. Benny has a sweet shotgun. So now we have these guys working together.
Back to the lab, the scientist dude is making noises to piss off the zombies. He’s awesome. He is my new favorite character. His alarm goes off so he shocks a dude into waking up. He then rams this tool up the guy’s nose and kills him and takes some blood sample. He’s about to do the same to Brooke but then admits that he is just fucking with her. This guy is doing God’s work, clearly. He did inject a zombie with some shit. And now he is sticking Brooke with a needle and claims to only have to do this 5 more times.
So Barry and Benny make it to this garage and see like 15 zombies, but Barry wants the truck instead. There is a dude on the roof. He shoots a zombie. They ask if they can come into the place, and the guy just shrugs his shoulders. So Benny asks how to get in, and this guy clearly has no clue. Haha, his plan is “Let them get close to ya, then run around them.” Brilliant! There is another dude, in armor with this dude. So Barry is saying how there is lots of good stuff that they could use including the truck, and this new armored dude is like, no, you guys came from the city, lost your car due to engine problems. Well, he is about to lay a lesson upon us.
They show us that oils and gases are no longer flammable, so there’s our lesson. Neat, science in a horror flick. I also just realized that I have a DVD called Death Tunnel and have never seen it. I am dropping the ball.
They also have a zombie in a freezer, and he is breathing out some awful smelling gas. They are all eating a sandwich and Barry lights a cig and tosses the match. Suddenly there is a flame, and we find out that zombie blood is flammable. Hmmm. The freezer zombie’s name is Neville by the way, just in case you watch WWE, that’s slightly amusing. Yup, they light Neville’s breathe on fire. SO they pump gas out of Neville and start a generator. SO now we have fuel for the truck in theory. They need to armor up and they all look like dudes from Army of 2. They distract the zombies with meat, and it’s time fuck some zombies up. The first dude just did a dropkick and then got bit. They pull him in, but his eyes just turned and all he is worried about is his nose. Soooo, he gets knocked down, tied up and they use him for gas. Frank is the “armored guy”. Frank and the boys are loading up the truck to make it badass. And off they go in the truck.
Back to Brooke. Brooke is seeing herself in weird red light, and it is as if from the one zombie’s perspective. Yes, she is able to control the zombie, almost like Warg-ing from Game of thrones. Brooke is Bran. The soldiers bring in another person. She makes the zombie attack the soldiers. The Doctor comes in and gives the soldier’s hell for beating on the zombie. Hahaha, the doctor just mocked the soldier to his face. So that was fun.
Back to the boys. This is like some Mad Max shit. They decide it’s time to hunt some zombies, or more importantly, get some fuel. Smart. They secure one and drive off. We are halfway through. Benny has to piss. So time to pull off to the side. Benny has to piss, but he won’t take a rifle with him. This won’t bode well. And of course, Benny was pissing on a zombie. Frank saves him. Barry says “What did we learn?” Benny is indignant. Hmmm, the zombies aren’t making any more gas. Uh oh, they don’t make gas at night. Here comes a herd. Oh boy. So it’s night time, they are nestled into the truck as they are surrounded. Benny is saying how this like the worst fucking night ever. Frank says no, and explains about 15 years ago, a doctor diagnosed his son with brain cancer. He was only 7 years old. His son died in his arms. Poor Frank. Kinda put shit in perspective for them. They are trying to figure out why they never turned to zombies. Frank explains about Revelations in the Bible, a 3rd angel blows his trumpet and a star named Wyrmwood falls from the sky with all kinds of bad disease. They just got all religious about this being a test for them by God. Interesting take. Barry wakes up and shoots one and they get caught on fire and has now set the truck on fire. Barry has to go out and try to stop the fire before it reaches the compressor. Barry is a hoss. He had a mace! Barry makes it back inside, and a zombie grabs Frank’s hand. I think he broke the fucking hand or wrist. Nope, he was bitten. He needs Barry to shoot him. Awww, 2 out of my 3 favorite characters are now dead. Damn. Never get attached to a character in a zombie flick.
It’s now morning, and they are breathing gas again, so time to be on their merry way.
Back to Brooke, and she starts warging again. The zombie that she can warg with has a scalpel so she uses it to cut his wrist restraints.
The guy has Frank and the other guy, and kinda give them a proper send-off. A crow was involved and something about taking away the spirit. Is this Sons of Anarchy all over again? As they are driving, they see a vehicle coming their way, so they stop and I believe it is the soldiers who abducted Brooke. People with A negative blood type are unaffected come to find out. Benny tells them about how they are on their way to find Brooke, and the soldier is totally playing them. The soldiers tell Barry to follow them back down the road. Benny says “They seem like nice blokes!” Hahaha. Barry doesn’t trust them at all.
Brooke’s zombie is now free. She is struggling to control him. He goes after the doctor’s gun, as he is sleeping. The doctor screams like a girl flipping out and shoots up her zombie. His alarm goes off again, it’s time for another needle. More sweet music, a little Mexicano perhaps, or jazzy. She can control all of the zombies apparently. She has one unplug the machine. She has another slide over and bites his finger off. Poor dude. Well, it’s time to saw his hand off to save himself. He has turned. She guides him over and uses the saw to free herself. She then shoots the doctor. And now all 3 of my favorites are dead. Fucking hell. So now Brooke is free, and we find out all along that she was in the back of the soldier’s truck. She jumps onto Barry’s hood. Now for the big getaway scene. And they apparently had nitrous. Soooo, we just had a Fast and Furious scene. They escaped. So Brooke, Barry, and Benny. I can’t tell if she is hot or not. Well, the soldiers killed their fuel zombie, so she wargs to bring them a zombie. And so she brings one and leads him into the cage. Looking at her normally, she is very hot. OK, glad we got that settled, am I right ladies and maybe one male straggler who has no idea why he is still reading this.
Ohhh shit, Benny got shot. This film is nearing Sharknado territory, to be honest. Uh oh, Benny is starting to turn. Poor dude. He is getting visions. “You’re better looking than your brother.” Haha, he’s funny at least. Brooke asks about Annie and Meganne. Barry tells her that they dead. 80% finished. I mean, what else is left? Benny is saying fucked up shit. Benny wants to be left alone in the woods with a gun and ammo. Barry looks at Benny’s wound and it is gnarly. Think about the last time that you used the term gnarly. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? Brooke is having a weird reaction, she’s puking. As it is getting night time, bad shit is happening. He tells her that he killed Annie and Meg. She wants to kill herself while Benny is slowly dying himself. A soldier creeps up, she turns around and nails the first one. He has her run off, and he tries to shoot the next soldier, BUT he gets shot instead.
The soldiers have Barry and Benny restrained and are trying to make Barry call out to his sister using a megaphone. Barry refuses, so they threaten him. Time for some torture. Time for the pliers. And they rip one of his nails off. Brooke is sending zombies their way to fuck up the soldiers. They go to torture more, but Brooke comes out of hiding. She does have a nice rack. They make her put on handcuffs. She falls, so they drag her by the hair. They are instructed to cut her head off and put it in the freezer. Barry wants the matches to light the compressor on fire and kill them all. Benny is like, hell no. He has a better idea. Benny wants Barry to kill him so Brooke can warg him. The soldier whips out a fucking katana. Sweet. The soldiers take Brooke away to Herschel-ize her. Benny throws the matches under the truck, so Barry is pissed. Benny stands up to get bitten by the zombie so he can be a zombie. Bloody hell!
Benny turns, Brooke has a zombie already running for her. The sword is raised. Benny turns, cuts his arm off and then grabs the gun and shoots at the soldiers. benny got shot in the head. Awww. One soldier remains, but Brooke has a zombie army.
Who do you voodoo bitch? I had to. I love that fucking song. The zombies are coming. Barry is still restrained. Soldier’s oxygen tank is leaking. She says to drop the gun, or they attack. So the soldier shoots Brooke right in the tit. Barry flips the fuck out. Barry grabs the piece of metal that Benny used to free himself, he throws it and hits the soldier. Now the soldier, who does not have A negative blood is fucked. The soldier is pissed, telling him it’s not about him or his sister, it’s about the human race. HAHA, the soldier gives Barry the key to unlock himself so they can have a good ole fistfight. Seriously. Soldier gets first hit, and 3rd, 4th, 5th, like the next 13 hits. We have a rear-naked choke. Now John Doe, I mean Barry has the upper hand. Barry quickly loses it but squeezes the dude’s balls. I am so glad the soldier called him out on never doing that as it shows low character. Simultaneously, it’s a fight. Fuck character. I don’t even know who I am cheering on. Barry is getting his ass handed to him. They end up by Barry’s truck, the fuel zombie grabs at the soldier, soldier shoots, and blood gets all over soldier’s face. Aww. Barry crawls under the truck, grabs the matches, and tosses them, which ignites the blood on soldier’s face. Nice. He drops his gun, Barry grabs it. Brooke rises up. Ohhhh shit. She pulls the bullet out of herself, and the zombies are back up. She sends the zombies to dine on the soldier.
We see 2 more soldiers driving and they say what the fuck. they see Brooke and Barry and pull their guns on our 2 siblings. Barry asks what’s in the back of the truck, and the soldiers are rather dick-ish, so Brooke sends the zombies to feast. And end film.
All in all, this movie was incredibly enjoyable. Was it the best, or smartest? No, but if you want something to just kick back and enjoy, this is fucking perfect. The more I thought about it, the more I enjoyed it. I’m giving it a 7.2.
Final Rating: 7.2
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