Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the last AHS blog of the year. Yes I know, it’s kinda sad. Not as sad as this season, but fairly sad. This is also our biggest blog to date because we figured that you needed something to remember us by. Whether you loved this season, thought it was adequate, or straight up hated it, I think that it is safe to assume that next season should be good because it’s an odd numbered season. As usual, I am joined by my for lady friends: Cece, Melanie, Stef, and Kelly. They have been here for a good portion of this season, and my heartfelt thanks goes out to all of them for making this a joy to do. Please enjoy and if you want to leave a comment, please do so in the comment section at the bottom of this blog. Anything written in bold font is from me.
The 9
- Tell me your thoughts on the opening segment before the went to commercial. This includes the Paleyfest panel.
Cece: I thought the fans were fucking weird. Especially the chick who was obsessed with Lee. I knew it was gonna be the Polk dude who was shooting up the station. I’m tired of Lana Winters and Lee. (Lane is hopefully gone forever.)
Melanie: Well…Audrey thinks rather highly of herself. So weird to go back to them “living” after we watched them all “butchered”. Something I noticed, the FX in the corner of Lot Polk’s video, then they panned out it was a youtube…but the FX was in the corner of the youtube video. Well played, FX…well played. (Good catch. I have a picture of it later on.)
Stef: Simply, I think it was a total waste of time, and they could’ve used that time for making a better GD ending. (Are you implying that this wasn’t a good ending, and perhaps they could have spent 45 minutes to better develop characters and their history? HA! Never!)
Kelly: This entire scene made me want to turn it off immediately. But no, I had an obligation to this damn blog and here I am! It’s not like I’m surprised they threw this into the show – it has been horrible the whole time. I did however have a slight idea right at this moment that MAYBE season two of MRN was faked and we weren’t ever going to know about it. This scene led the finale off just how I expected – SHITTY. (Obligations to this damn blog kept me watching the past 3 episodes. I feel ya.)
Kent: What in the blue hell is that? That wig is fucking terrible. Audrey is as obnoxious as ever, and yet people wanted her to live. Seriously? I did love Agnes at the very least, but that drag queen is the sort of things that My Roanoke Nightmare is made up of. Fuck man, who did the makeup. I can’t help it, that is just the worst thing. “Uhmmm, what’s your favorite color?” Are you shitting me with this? And his response about the full spectrum…..for fuck’s sake man. It’s like, they are trying sooo hard to be terrible. I do love how Audrey looked sad about Rory hugging the dumb girl, and Dom being an attention whore himself. Bristol Windows, that’s the name. She was actually portrayed well because people really act this dumb. I did like the subtleties of Matt, Dom, and Shelby. Bristol’s commentary on turning something wonderful into something crass, yeah, you said it. At least Lot Polk looked handsome. Of course, I see the gun and can feel the social commentary just screaming out. Despite Denis O’Hare’s dapper ensemble, I hated this.
- Did you like how they did the Crack’d segment?
Cece: No. I mean, it’s so cheesy. I hate shows like that normally.
Melanie: I did enjoy it. It was a spoof of the TV show Snapped, where they tell the story of ladies who go crazy and kill people (husbands, husbands and their mistresses, or anyone who looks at them funny. (Well, now I learned something new, like the name of a show that I can’t imagine that I will ever watch.)
Stef: I snickered. I enjoy the show “Snapped”, so I found this amusing. I thought it was a semi-clever way to show how it all went down with Lee after she escaped the house. (If it was a show that you didn’t watch or enjoy, would you find it clever?)
Kelly: I was so nervous at this point that all we were going to get for the finale was a reality television style of writing; a bunch of different little reality shows here and there with their take on the MRN show. This wasn’t the worst part by any means, it did dive into the trial with Lee which was pretty interesting. I love how they end up making it seem like Flora made it all up and let Lee go. Shocker. Can you taste my sarcasm? (Flora did make it all up. Fact.)
Kent: This just felt like a shitting Making A Murderer or any number of other shows that I do not watch, so there are probably better comparisons. Is this a fucking clip show? Lee’s lawyer was pleasant to look at. Gotta look at the positives, right? Under what logical circumstances would Lee ever be found not guilty given all of the overwhelming evidence? Even if you take away Flora’s testimony, there was legitimate evidence. This shit is straight up insulting. Also, Adore Me ads would be made better by seeing how well they fit, so that everybody would know if it’s something that a dude may want to buy for a special lady friend.
- After the build up from last week’s preview, did the Lana Winters appearance go as you had hoped?
Cece: Exactly as expected. Boring and awkward. (I was sooo bored.)
Melanie: It did! I enjoyed how she tried to relate and deescalate a crazy in good old Lana Winter’s style.
Stef: Eh, I really had no expectations. I was more pissed about how/why they brought her on here looking like she was 60 at best, when she should be like 75-80 at this point. But that bitch took a hit! Surprisingly no bruises or anything… hmmmm. (Good point about no bruises. She’s old.)
Kelly: Okay so she definitely aged unlike the trailer suggested! So my theory from last week flew out the door. I think it was a bullshit interview, to say the least. Lana was a bitch. I’ve never been a fan of her character though. I did enjoy Lee stickin’ it to her with regards to what she did to her son in Asylum. It was pleasant having Lot bust in though and steal the show. I’m really getting tired of this Sarah Paulson gravy train they’re running. (I like gravy more so than the next guy, but yeah, Paulson needs to have a smaller role, like take a hit like Evan had to this season.)
Kent: Total waste of time just to bring Sarah Paulson back on my screen and to tie this season to Asylum. Absolutely unnecessary, and unbelievable that her 70 or 80 year old ass looks that good. Fucking terrible. Plus, the character sucked to begin with, if I may be so bold, which I shall be. Her character was actually a big reason why Asylum sucked. Let’s not put the old nostalgia shine on it. Her character was terrible, and this was terrible, and we should all feel terrible for having sat through this. At least Bloody Face got mentioned. I did enjoy how silly factor of Flora going missing. So dumb.
- Considering everything we know about Lee, she was the star of the season. What did you think of her overall, and looking back, was she a good character to make the main focus?
Cece: I liked Lee at first. I was hoping she would pull through and be the last one standing. She pretty much was; except she started being crazy obsessed with seeing her kid. Then she murdered her ex-husband and killed lots of others off. She was downright shitty.
Melanie: I do think she was a good character. Being the breakout star, I wonder if she will be in future episodes. (If Ryan Murphy is kind, no she won’t. SO within a season or 2, probably.)
Stef: She was never my favorite, so no. Plus, the ending was just a ridiculous way for her to go out. smh
Kelly: Knowing that I was not a fan of this season, and though I was nervous with ‘new’ actors in the show, I think she did a fabulous job. I think she was the unsung hero, even through her dastardly ways. Kent, you predicted she would play a big part in this season and were totally right. Although I agree with your idea that Murphy has a “hard on for Paulson,” he did a really great job NOT making Sarah the absolute focal point of the season by the end of it. Hell, he even gave her one of the worst death scenes in AHS history. It was a nice change. (Thank you. You know, traditionally, the most beloved characters get the best, goriest deaths. But this season didn’t follow that tradition.)
Kent: I feel the need to point out that Adina Porter was consistently listed as “Guest Starring” yet ended up being the focal point. That’s amazing. To answer the question, who was often considered the least favorite person? Lee. In the second half, did she get better? Yeah, but not a great deal. Looking back at the iconic characters of the past seasons, aside from The Butcher and possibly Pig Head, this season was lacking. Still, Lee is far down on my list of interesting characters and I was ready for her to after the second episode. Sorry, but she was a shitty character, in my opinion.
- A lot of you said that Lot would play a role in this finale, and you were right. Was it handled well?
Cece: Absolutely. The writing of his character’s revenge made sense. About the only good thing this episode. (Yeah, it made sense. One of the few bits of logical closure.)
Melanie: I think it was handled well and in typical Polk crazy creepy style. My favorite line…,”The world is watching you young man.” (Despite my disdain for her, it was a good line.)
Stef: I’m just glad he got capped. None of those inbred bastards needed to live. I was almost afraid he was going to kill Lana & Lee first though. (Would that have really been so bad if those dumb bitches got got first? Wouldn’t that have been better? Have you ever seen Wrong Turn? Deliverence? I Spit On Your Grave (classic not re-make)? Question mark?)
Kelly: I think they brought him in for a good scene. At first, it caught me off guard so it worked!
Kent: “She talks too much.” That was clearly the line of the episode. I don’t buy the fact that he had that particular style gun. Once again, it felt insulting. Would the Polks have them? We’re talking about mountain men, so shotguns or a hunting rifle makes more sense, preferably the shotgun.
- How did you feel about the whole Spirit Chasers part of things? Were they just tossing as many different garbage style shows into the mix at the end or did this work for you?
Cece: It was pure garbage. I hate those stupid paranormal shows. I can’t stand it. It was pointless and I hated it. (Nodding in agreement.)
Melanie: Loved that shit! I ate it up!!! I knew it was coming and was so excited about it. I do love a good Ghost hunter type show. So much cheese! Also…we got a couple bad asses over here, lol.
Stef: Definitely garbage. Stupidity beyond all beliefs. WHY would ANYONE go back there during the blood moon?? Plus, the acting was terrible. (Stop bringing up logical points. This is horror damnit!)
Kelly: Tying back into my answer for #2, I did worry we were just getting stupid reality style scenes the whole finale. This was exactly as you describe it, garbage. I don’t have many thoughts on it as I believe the majority of us will feel the same. It was a careless way to take up ten minutes of the finale. This whole season was just cut and paste stupidity. (Laughing and nodding in agreement.)
Kent: Well, at the risk of insulting my colleagues or readers, I think that this style of show is on the same level as the Kardashians. I seriously think that it is absolute filth, and people should be ashamed of watching this fake shit. What is the point? Then, they film themselves breaking through the gate, and then had a guest star. So which is it? You don’t invite a guest celebrity to come and break into a place that you don’t have permission to enter. Where the fuck is the logic??? It makes no fucking sense!!! You wouldn’t film that to air on TV, and possibly expect people to believe it. Well, at least they have Emma Bell. I may be intrigued, only because of her. Wait, they are telling us that there was trauma there, I think where Dom got killed. Once again, it was filmed, they’ve seen the footage. Why state the obvious? I fucking hate this god damn episode. “I almost peed my pants” is a funny line as she does that in a film called Frozen, no not the Disney fuckery, but rather a horror flick. Why did it take Lee 2 weeks to come back to the most likely hiding spot for Flora? And who the fuck thought was a good idea to come back to a place with numerous confirmed murders during the blood moon? Pig Head showing up was welcome, plus Ashley screaming Croatoan made me giggle. Yes, go Chen’s! It’s kind of bullshit that they didn’t give the nurses a kill. Haha, the Butcher strikes. Why the hell are the arrows the weapon of choice? How dumb are those fucking cops?
- Was the final segment, from the news reports to the final frame, a good way to wrap up this particular season?
Cece: I mean, I guess. I don’t see where else they could have necessarily gone with it. I’m just disappointed in this season.
Melanie: Yes
Stef: Hated it. None of it made much sense to me.
Kelly: Do you want to know what a good way to wrap up this finale would be? Crumple it up, throw it in the trash, and forget it every happened. Yes, I’m bitter about this one. (Doing my best Palpatine voice “Gooood gooooood”)
Kent: I was happy to see Denis O’Hare made it in the last segment, as William Van Henderson. More Lana, oh the joy I feel. Am I wrong in saying that Lee should have immediately alerted the cops that Flora was in there? Hell, she got away with murders, so she seems fairly untouchable. I did enjoy Lee’s thing about drawings and parenting. I do love how Lee is so fucked up, being a shitty parent, but thinking that she can be a better parent to Priscilla. Think about that logic. Then it ends with settlers and their torches approaching the cops on the blood moon. And it ends, so abruptly. Like, could they not have given us a massacre at the end? No, this was shit. Flora somehow just walked away from an exploding house totally unscathed.
- Was Flora being selfish, manipulative, or perhaps put up to doing what she did, in regards to Lee?
Cece: I think Flora was justified. Her mother is a piece of shit.
Melanie: I think maybe she gained some cra cra from her Mama! (The cra cra is strong within this one. I actually think older Flora will be on a later season.)
Stef: I think she was mostly being a little wretch. However, I do think she was being manipulated by Priscilla, and she HAD seen her mother beat her father to death with a rock. That’s gotta do something to a kid. (But Lee wasn’t guilty. Flora made it up. C’mon, weren’t you paying attention?)
Kelly: I was surprised at how Lee’s demise panned out. I am quite confused on the motives of Flora in doing what she did. I assume since her parents weren’t really there for her for a while, she found comfort in Priscilla like a sister. They both were lonely, “lost” children. I don’t know if she was “put up” to it really. I think most of all she just was unstable mentally with the loss of her parents, one to death and one to the media/law enforcement. (I think the fact that she had gone through so much and then was put in the spotlight from everything, it definitely played a role.)
Kent: I’m going with manipulative, but am probably over thinking this one. I think that she wanted to be rid of her mom after the Mason kill, and when Lee didn’t go to prison, Flora knew her back up plan. We’ll go with that. Also, did anybody else notice how similar that Priscilla looked to Gaga’s character when she was alive?
- Priscilla finally had her big role that I had longed for. Do you feel satisfied with Priscilla’s story arc?
Cece: I was actually very confused by it. Is she the Druid chick? (I can’t determine if it was intentional to make them look so similar. It was apparent at the very least.)
Melanie: Nope! Still don’t know who she was.
Stef: There was no story! Again, could’ve wasted less time in the beginning, and spent more time on important things such as this. (Hell yeah!)
Kelly: Though I wasn’t invested in her the way you were Kent, I definitely don’t think she got her moment to shine that you were so longingly looking forward to. Her backstory wasn’t really explained well, if at all. I peeked at your answer, and I think you have a great idea there about Thomasin’s husband being her father. I assumed the Butcher had a problem with the nurses because my bets were on her husband having an affair. That’s what assumptions I’ve collected myself as to why the Butcher is bitter and dislikes certain characters. I think her husband was a cheater. (It really is the only reasonable thing to ascertain from this. I have a feeling that there are more answers in deleted scenes, or at least I hope. As a matter of fact, I think this is going to be a big marketing thing.)
Kent: NO NO NO NO NO NOOO! Are you kidding me? We still don’t know who her mom or dad were. I think the safest assumption is that Thomasin’s husband had an affair and knocked up a bitch. Otherwise, why hate the girl so much? As the writer, you need to fill in these blanks. You need to tell us why the Chen’s are how they are. So, while I was thrilled to see more Priscilla, it left me terribly unsatisfied. I was not Kentertained.
Bonus Deuce Cubed (Math is fun)
- Who was your favorite and LEEast character from this season? Feel free to elaborate?
Cece: Favorite was probably Rory/Edward Mott. Call me cliche, but I love Evan Peters and his two characters were fun. Least was probably Audrey and Lee.
Melanie: I see what you did there! Favorite- Hmmmm…so tough…I think both Evan Peter’s characters. Least- Leslie Jordan, both characters. He is just creepy as fuck.
Stef: I enjoyed Cricket – I love mediums, and I have a sweet spot for gay men. Real life Lee was really probably my LEEAst favorite. ugh
Kelly: Evan Peters as Rory was ridiculous. I didn’t enjoy Cuba in his ‘big hot actor’ form either, but the one that first came to mind was Rory and Audrey – together, separate, whatever. They both sucked. As for my favorite, it very well could have been Kathy had she had a bigger part after MRN. They wrote her off pretty quickly. Even Gaga didn’t get to shine. It feels like they threw everyone away this time around. (That was a big issue. Nobody got to shine. You need to have a few bigger roles every season, even if they aren’t great.)
Kent: Pig Head, Butcher, Cunningham, Cricket, and Dom as favorites. LEEast favorite is Audrey, real life Mama Polk, Real Life Matt, Lee, and the thing with the wig on the season finale. Also, props to the Uber Driver. Gay for pay!!!
- What story arc or subplot was your favorite from this season?
Cece: Honestly I don’t really have one. I mean, maybe Cunningham’s plight.
Melanie: I really liked the last episode for the Crack’d and Spirit Chasers sub plots. Both those type of shows are my secret pleasure tv shows. Also, the first episodes, paranormal documentaries are my jam!!!!
Stef: The back story on the witch was pretty good, and the first real massacre of the second half of the season was pretty outstanding.
Kelly: I enjoyed the nurses. I wanted more of them to reminisce a Murder House style. But alas, my dreams were crushed.
Kent: I really liked episode 4 where we actually had a story and some character development. The nurses is probably my favorite story because they told so many details and took care of them, and then gave them all of one kill. I really enjoyed The Witch’s past story, and how Thomasin became The Butcher.
- Who’s death was the best or most satisfying from this season?
Cece: I loved Agnes’ death.
Melanie: Uhm…I think the nurses. The bad guys killing the badder guys is kind of their MO…and I love it!
Stef: Well, though we can’t be positive whether he was under some sort of trance or not, I’m gonna go with Shelby snapping and beating Matt to a bloody pulp. It came as a complete surprise, I think making it one of the best.
Kelly: Kathy got a good death being that she was so happy to have the real Butcher be the reason of her demise. Reminds me of how happy the Laundress was in Hotel when JPM offed her before the cops busted in.
Kent: Agnes’ based on the brutality and meaning behind it, the original Pig Head, and probably Cricket’s. Most satisfying death belongs to Audrey, because it was dumb and she was so dumb.
- Out of the six seasons, where does this one rank?
Cece: I think this was my least favorite, unfortunately.
Melanie: In the middle for me I think.
Stef: I would say it’s 4th in my book – beating Asylum & Freak Show. Incase you haven’t figured it out by now, Freak Show will always be bottom of the barrel for me. I don’t know how it could possibly get much worse than that.
Kelly: LAST. I started to rewatch Freak Show after this finale so I could retouch on how I felt about it. I still think there are better storylines in Freak Show and even Asylum than Roanoke. I just – I have no words honestly. It was so bad. (I re-watched the Freak Finale, and I stand by it being the worst, but I can totally see both sides of this one.)
Kent: 5th tentatively, only above Freak Show. This season, the first 75% was fairly watchable and I enjoyed it. There were so many boring or shit episodes of Freak Show, well over half of them sucked big floppy donkey dick.
- Looking ahead to next season, what would be your theme or premise, or horror aspects that you may want to see play out?
Cece: I’d honestly like maybe an anthology type season. Maybe I’m using the incorrect verbiage but what I mean is, like they hinted before this season. I’d like to see each episode play a different story. For example, say, one episode does a horror lore story such as Children of the Corn or something we grew up watching. The next episode does sort of a Creepypasta story like Slenderman and so on. Through an entire season. This way they can tell many stories, and also bring in new actors to AHS, and also recycle our favorite actors into new stories and characters!
Melanie: I would love for them to do like. Frankenstein theme.
Stef: Oh dear… I couldn’t even begin to wager a guess. This is why I don’t write movies.
Kelly: Can we please just go back to the writing styles of the earlier seasons? I had such high hopes and was pretty scared based on a few of the teaser trailers for season 6, but it just let me down worse than I ever imagined possible. I can’t predict a theme yet for the next season. Give me a few months.
Kent: I call it “The Will”. I have wrote half of the story already, but am not finished. Busy week. When it is ready, I will put it here on the blog for your reading pleasure. I’m not saying that it’s great, but it would follow the AHS formula and be better than this season at the very least. As for what the should do, I could absolutely go for a flu epidemic that isn’t zombie related, but show the real dark underbelly of civilization crumbling.
- Are there any actors who you would like to see get a starring role, or any characters that you wouldn’t mind seeing fall back to more of a middle or supporting character? You can choose from anybody in the AHS history.
Cece: Always Denis O’Hare, but I’d like to see more Gabby Sidibe again, or Wes Bentley. It would be cool to always have more screen time for Evan too. Less Sarah. I’d like to see her have a smaller role next season. Also Finn. He’s great. I wanna see more of him.
Melanie: GAGA! I would love to see her be a Dr. Frankenstein/creator type character.
Stef: I would absolutely LOVE to see some of the actors/actresses lost along the way come back, and I don’t even care how big or small their parts… Dylan McDermott, Connie Britton, ADAM LEVINE *wink wink*, and most definitely Jessica Lange. I’d like to see Gaga come back as more of a starring role… or even Dennis O’Hare.
Kelly: Evan Peters, Frances Conroy, Denis O’Hare would all be great for big roles. Evan has come a LONG way since Tate and I still loved him as Tate. He’s a classic. But he has truly had a great metamorphosis as an actor. I’d like to see Sarah Paulson and even Lily Rabe take a back seat.
Kent: Denis O’Hare, Frances Conroy, Danny Huston, Taissa Farmiga, Kathy Bates (She’s the best so far, no offense to Lange), Andre Holland, Dylan McDermott, Zachary Quinto, Mare Winningham, Wes Bentley, Finn Whitrock, John Carroll Lynch, Alexandria Breckenridge, and Evan Peters. People who can go to the back of the line are Sarah Paulson, Adina Porter, and maybe Angela Bassett. I love Angela, but I would really like to see her have a really big role some season, and it may come with sacrificing a season. But seriously, Sarah, you can take the season off, you will not be missed.
- If you could add one actor who is not an AHS alumni, who would you choose and why?
Cece: I’d kill to see Michael C. Hall. Also maybe Matthew Morrison from Glee.
Melanie: I would love to see David Duchovny in a role.
Stef: Hmmmm, it’s a big name and I don’t know how they’d get him there, but Jack Nicholson always plays an amazing f’d up part. I think he could be a phenomenal addition if casted in the right role.
Kelly: James Spader or Kevin Spacey for shits and giggles. Let’s change it up, man.
Kent: Robert Englund, Tobin Bell, Matthew Lilard, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Dee Wallace, Sid Haig, or Jeremy Sisto.
- Finally, give us your parting thoughts and say whatever else you feel the need to say because we’re gone for 9 months.
Cece: I hope they go out with a bang for season 7. This one really irked me. Also, it’s been real.
Melanie: Thanks for the opportunity Kent!!! Can’t wait for next season.
Stef: I’ll just end up anxiously awaiting the next season, hoping for it to “WOW” and bedazzle me the way Murder House did. I guess it’s like a relationship for me – in the beginning it’s all new and amazing and exciting, then it starts to lose it’s luster, and at times it’s really great again, and you know it’ll never quite be the same as it was in the beginning, but you just keep faithfully hanging in there, waiting for some more good stuff.
Kelly: Murphy, step it the fuck up or you’re going to be losing a ton of viewers.
Kent: While I didn’t like how the last 25% played out, and basically tarnished this season for me, I’m going to miss it because I love horror, and I like seeing familiar faces. I don’t ever want to see “reality based” shows on AHS again because they are all contrived bullshit from my perspective. I know that they are some people’s guilty pleasures, and some people just love the stuff because they do, and that is why E!, TMZ, and other such stuff is so popular. It makes me sad. But with that being said, it was provided this blog with a great deal of varying perspectives, and that is what I was hoping for when I started this. So while I may have great disdain for many things, it hopefully has made reading this more pleasant. Maybe you found yourself agreeing more often with somebody and read their answers more closely, and if so, that’s fucking fantastic. If you think I am a horrible human being but found value in what one or several of the ladies said, then that’s awesome. We are obviously all built differently, and some of us tan better than others or have better hairlines, but I think that we all had fun, most of the time at least. These girls have given me plenty of things to consider and it actually helped me understand this season a little bit better. All in all, I had fun with this. This was an extension of what I had been doing the past couple of years. Kelly and I started talking AHS way back in season 3 and talk about pretty much every episode. It seems like every week, I get at least one article from her during the season about rumors or speculation. Stefanie and , we started talking about it maybe back during Freak Show. Stef has proved to me that she could potentially work well with me in an apocalyptic situation. Cece and I have had many a conversations, a lot about Evan Peters and just in general about why I loved or hated a season and same for her. Her and I may not fare so well in an apocalypse, haha. Melanie is really the only person that I didn’t have an AHS past with, so it’s been nice getting her input. I had fun doing a couple of podcasts with her and hopefully we can do them more regularly next season. I gotta thank my buddy Tom who helped during the first half of the season before he fell behind.
Thank you for reading, contributing, or just having a nice chat with me about AHS. I appreciate it. To the ladies, thank you for taking time out of your schedule to help me do this thing. Have yourself some happy holidays. It’s time to prep for LingFest, which is infinitely cooler than Paleyfest.
All pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of the FX Network, Ryan Murphy, and whoever else is involved.